Once they are made aware that their reviews are not anonymous but that in reality anyone can see who they are, their only thought is saving face instead of offering any apologies or attempting to mend their ways.

They then write a review on the Woodstone B&B, indicating that there are probably nicer places but that the owners of this charming B&B really take care of their guests, that they have anticipated all their needs.

Once is not custom, their real personality comes out again at the end of their comment where they mention that Sam and Jay mainly helped them realize that their Yelp account had been hacked and that bad comments had been written “against them” in their favorite institutions. They only feign at penance when their identities are made public.

The Ghosts then offer Sam to spy on them to be sure to know what they are really thinking. Against the advice of Jay who is not for this option at all, the cute side but a bit mischievous of Sam decides to follow the Ghosts proposal.

And… Pete was right, the sheets are too thin, the towels too rough, the toilet paper second-rate, all while claiming to Sam and Jay’s faces that all is well and that they couldn’t be happier.

As the episode unfolds, their complaints become more and more nitpicky and ridiculous (the music playlist, the “Satanic” butter dish, the pitch of Sam’s voice), but the final straw is when they say they dislike Sam’s deceased mother’s special perfume.

This becomes too much criticism for Jay. He then goes into the living room where they are having dinner and offers a beautiful monologue extolling the qualities of his wife.

It’s only after the myth of their anonymity is pulled aside that they walk back their criticisms, and end up publicly claiming that they’d been hacked in order to cast the blame for their scathing reviews on other parties.

He later shows remorse and regret, thinking about how much he missed out on but he didn’t want to turn Sam against her mother when she needed her.

After a heartfelt apology and mutual desire to reconnect, Frank and Diane agree to stay for another night, facilitated by Sasappis lying to Patience that the couple had just gotten married in the car and she’d missed it.

They wrap things up by recreating Sam‘s fifth grade music recital where she plays “Hot Cross Buns” on a recorder.

Frank met his current girlfriend, Diane, while she stopped at his ski shop to ask directions to a specific store in town. They hit it off instantly and appear to be seeking a future together.

After hearing Sam‘s feeble excuses for why he can’t share a room with his girlfriend, he eventually gives in when Diane seems willing to go along with it, despite clearly not being happy about it.

Later that night, he sneaks into Diane‘s room where Patience is standing watch unbeknownst to them. The next morning, they wake up in terror to find the word “Sin” written in blood on the wall. He and Sam clash over it and after Sam storms off, Frank confesses to Diane that he’d only pulled away from Sam when she was young because Sheryl demanded it of him, under threat of making an embarrassing scene. He wished to repair the relationship, but was worried that too much time had passed and too much damage had been done. This visit was his first attempt to connect with her in years.

• “I don’t want to scare you, Diane, but Sammy here has a bit of a checkered history with my girlfriends. So, I’m seeing this one woman, Sammy must’ve been 11, 12. This particular lady was taking a nap. When she wakes up from her nap, someone’s giving her a little haircut. So get this, when we confront Sam, she says it wasn’t her. She said ghost did it.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “The boss has spoken. And I don’t mean Springsteen”(Season 4, Episode 2)
• “Sam, do you have a problem with me dating Diane? Because I thought you’d outgrown all that.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “Oh, I know exactly what’s going on. You thought it would be funny to pull a little stunt on one of my girlfriends like when you were a kid. This whole thing’s weird. Why don’t you start packing your stuff, Diane. We’re gonna check out and leave.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “Sam’s right. I haven’t been around much since the divorce. It’s no excuse, but part of the reason is because Sam’s mom, Sheryl, didn’t want me to be. And of course I wanted to, you know, be there for things. Like, Sam had this recital in fifth grade and she was so excited. Sheryl basically told me that if I showed up, she’d make a scene. I didn’t want that for Sam so I backed away.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “Sometimes it’s hard to say things, even when you want to” (Season 4, Episode 2)

Mark is a self-proclaimed sneakerhead, which is another thing he has in common with Jay. Because he spends alot of money of sneakers, he and Jay have an agreement that he can keep his newest shoes at the mansion so that his wife has no idea how much he spends on his “addiction.” He also is a self-starter which is evident in his work as a contractor. In “Woodsone’s Hottest Couple” he volunteers to be a business partner with Jay in their new restaurant and offers to do the renovation to the barn for free.

In “D&D,” Mark meets Sam further out on the property to discuss taking down an old shed. When he reaches for the door, he can remove it completely, without much force, but in doing so, unknowingly awakens three British ghosts from the Revolutionary War. He remarks that the shed will come down easily after pushing over an old gutter. The ghosts’ rather unwelcoming demeanor surprises Sam who apologizes for “gawking” at them, which then catches Mark’s attention. She quickly recovers her apology to the ghosts by adding his name. She then tells Mark to leave the shed alone and that she has a meeting and must return to the house, leaving Mark alone with the ghosts. Mark seems a bit frustrated about this.

In “Alberta’s Fan”, Mark has to bring his son, David, to work with him due to his wife being out of town for work. He introduces the child to Sam, and unknowingly Pete, Thorfinn, Alberta, Hetty, and Issac. It is here where Alberta fixes herself up and admits her attraction to him, stating “why are all the good ones married… and alive?” Little David points to Issac and yells out “pirate” which surprises Sam. Mark tells him that there is no one there but that he loves his son’s imagination. David then runs off, prompting Mark to run after him. It is here that Issac tells Sam that although rare, some young children can see ghosts. Mark then returns to Sam as she tells him that “we” are going for a walk, again letting it slip that she is talking to ghosts. Mark‘s questions her use of “we” since he can only see her, to which she responds that she meant it in the royal sense of the word. Once she leaves the room, Mark shakes his head and sighs as he turns to start his work day, not sure what to make of Sam.

In “The Vault”, while Sam and Jay are admiring the decor for an upcoming wedding they have been chosen to host, Mark comes into the room, letting them know he has to show them something. They assume that it might be bad news and that they should be prepared to pay more money for their already expensive renovation. To that end, Mark says that what he found could be good news and that there is no need to bring a check for more money, as he has their credit card information on file. When he brings them into another room, he states that as he was doing some rewiring, he turned a sconce which then caused a sound to emanate from the adjoining wall. He reveals a secret passageway that leads to a bank vault. He offers to open it, stating that it could take a while and that it may be expensive. Before leaving them there, he tells them to let them know if they want his crew to open the vault.

In “Ghostwriter,” Sam is translating a basketball game between Pete and Jay to avoid finishing the website for the B&B. Jay tells her that she can leave so that she can continue to work on the site and convinces her that he will be fine watching the game with Pete. After witnessing an incredible play and asking Pete to do their secret handshake, he becomes disenchanted with the idea of watching sports with someone who he can neither see nor hear. At this point, Mark comes into the room to let him know that he will be back the next day with some baseboards. He then notices that Jay is watching the Syracuse game and comments that the team is looking good this season. Jay asks if he is a fan, to which Mark responds that he loves college basketball. Jay then asks Mark if he wants to hang out and watch the game. Mark responds that he is supposed to help his wife with their taxes but decides to stay with Jay and watch the game instead. As he goes to sit down, not knowing that Pete is already sitting next to Jay, he accidentally sits in the same spot and ends up sitting down right in the middle of Pete, causing Pete excruciating pain. This begins Pete’s jealousy and general dislike of Mark.

In the season finale, “Farnsby & B,” Mark meets Jay and Sam in the kitchen as they are discussing their neighbors, the Farnsbys’. Jay admits his growing interest in Pickleball and tells Sam that he and Mark have played together several times, calling them “Pickle Bros.” Mark tells him that name is not catching on. He also lets them know about the termites in their basement. Sam and Jay become exasperated by this news, stating that it’s one thing after another with the house and comments that perhaps they are cursed. They follow Mark into the basement, where he points out that the blistering in the wood beams is due to termites and that they may not have to do anything straight away, but advises that they should not wait too long to take care of it. Of course, while in the basement, Sam encounters the Cholera ghosts, and when Nancy, one of them, tries to speak to Sam, Sam tries her best to ignore her, conscious that Mark is still in the room with them and doing her best not to get caught speaking to them in front of him.

In “The Silent Partner” Mark meets with Jay and Sam to discuss progress on the restaurant project. When they tell them that they’ve lost funding from a main investor due to “too many dead bodies.” He tells them that they are in need of money now or they will have to shut down work on the restaurant. If the project shuts down, they lose the construction team which will inevitably delay the restaurant, possibly permanently.

In his spare time, Mark enjoys acting and is an active member of the Hudson Valley Players. He has performed in “Rent” and was more recently in the Woodstone Mansion production of “Anything Goes.”

• Mark’s son, David, possesses the ability to see ghosts, marking the first time another living, besides Sam, can communicate with earthbound spirits. His presence also helps Hetty remember that it was Thorfinn, whom as a child she had named “Gordon”, who sang to and comforted her so that she could sleep.
• Mark makes an appearance as an alien named Flargon, who appears to be Jay’s second in command named in one of Jay’s dreams in which he’s the captain of a “Star Trek” like ship. (“Man of Your Dreams”)

• “Well if it is Viking, they reach out to the state archeology department, they call in the nerds with the toothbrushes… the whole thing takes longer.” (Episode 3)
• “Hey man, I don’t really care. I didn’t want this site shut down either. That being said, I was talking to a buddy of mine and he said that if the bones were actually Viking, could be worth a pretty penny. Museums would definitely buy them. But you don’t have them, right? Sucks about those wild dogs.” (Episode 3)
• “Ah, there’s nothing there, buddy. But I love your imagination.” (Episode 9)
• “So I was doing some rewiring and when I turned this sconce, I heard a click from that wall. Check this out! (turns sconce, click ensues) And that’s when I discovered something behind this paneling… It’s never a secret passageway… but in case, it is!” (Episode 13)
• “Ah Syracuse, nice! They’re looking good this year! Love college ball!… I’m supposed to help my wife with TurboTax today so… hell yea, let’s do this!” (Episode 14)
• “Again, that term is not catching on, Jay, but yea this guy is good! What’s not good are the termites I just found in your basement.” (Episode 18)
• “Damn! And Sam didn’t see you bring these in?… …Can I smell em?” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “There’s gotta be another place on this giant property I could stash these shoes. How about that barn out back?… …Yea, it’s old but it’s got good bones. And it’s actually got a solid roof to it.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “You do, if your contractor is your business partner.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “We have a problem.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “Obviously, we’ll need to relocate it. Once they’ve started roosting, you’ve got to move them miles away, otherwise they just come right back to the same spot.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “That’s great but we need money now. If we shut down, we’re gonna lose our crew, and who knows when we’ll get them back… I’m saying if we don’t come up with, like, ten grand to cover us over the next couple weeks, you can forget about the restaurant.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “You know, now that you mention it, I think he said he was going for a stroll this morning. Mm-hmm. And I remember that because when he said ‘stroll’, I was looking at a bowl. And I was like ‘whoa, stroll and bowl-what are the chances?’” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “I’m sorry, I didn’t get his life story. Geez, what’s with the third degree, huh?” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “I don’t know why you guys are riding my leg about this. I have no idea where he is.” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Oh damn it, Stuart! You have to be the dumbest, most gullible piece of trash I’ve ever known, and I was married to the village idiot.” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “So yesterday, attracted by the pulsing bass from the wedding dj’s speakers, Patience appeared through the wall. She asked to speak to Isaac, so we arranged a meeting.” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Oh that was easy. It’s usually a whole weird song and dance with you two… Yeah that’s more what I expected.” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Jay, if I could just stop you. When I’m in this space, I’m not your contractor, I’m an artist…Shhh. This is a sacred space.” (Season 4, Episode 5)

Bela is a single woman who lives in Boston and from what her brother has hinted at, and is very easily and quickly attached to the men she dates. She does not take break ups well and will often go into an emotional funk for some time. Jay states that his sister is very “thirsty” which means that she tends to be desperate for men’s attention and affection. In “Jay’s Sister“, when Bela first comes to the house, she is kind to Sam but it is clear that they aren’t very close. She doesn’t seem to understand Sam’s sense of humor. However, she is excited for her visit because she claims she is over her ex-boyfriend, in fact, she had met someone new. She also states that the guy is not her normal type as he is a “douchy, finance bro” type” but that he is also very sensitive and very handsome and that they have connected in a way much different than what she ever expected.

Bela is definitely in tune with her emotions and has no problem expressing them freely. During “Jay’s Sister” Bela goes from excitement to anger quickly after she learns that Trevor is someone who has died and that she had been possibly catfished. She then becomes disgusted after learning that the messages from the profile she had matched with originated on Jay and Sam’s kitchen IPad. By the end of the episode, Bela’s faith in her brother and sister in law is restored after Sam is able to translate for Trevor why he did what he did and how he truly feels for her.

Like her brother, Bela has a bit of a goofy personality which is evidenced by her nickname for her brother. She enjoys clubbing, visiting the Hamptons, and listening to 90s jam bands.

Bela’s “type” is further highlighted by the fact that she has kept her friend, Eric, in the cursed friend zone for an unknown amount of time. She remarks that he is always doing things for her and is always available, which she scoffs at.

It is in “The Christmas Spirit, Part One, The Christmas Spirit, Part Two” that we learn that Bela has a mischievous and scheming side to her. In an effort to try to sleep with Trevor, or at least spend time with him, she successfully convinces Eric to allow Trevor to possess him. She also talks with her brother, Jay, to learn exactly he was possess under the guise that she simply just wants to allow him to tell his story so that she can support him during what was a traumatic event.

Bela is also initially jealous of the relationship that Jay has with Sam. She remarks that maybe she could’ve had the same with Trevor and becomes frustrated when Jay forbids her from tyring to sleep with a ghost in his home on Christmas.

Bela Arondekar is Jay’s sister who currently lives in Boston. In “Jay’s Sister“, she is single and had just broken up with her boyfriend, Gabe. In this episode, she is visiting her brother, Jay, and sister in law, Sam for the first time since they’ve moved to the Hudson Valley. Jay is worried about the emotional state of his sister and asks Sam to tread lightly although Sam is excited for the possibility of getting closer to her sister in law by helping her deal with the sadness about her break up and get over her ex.

Before her visit, Bela has been active on dating sites and apps and had recently set her location to the Hudson Valley in hopes of meeting someone new. And when she first arrives at the Woodstone Mansion, she is excited about a new guy she had recently matched with. Upon showing the couple the new match, Jay is excited for her commenting on how good the man looks. However, when Sam sees the picture of the man, she immediately recognizes him as Trevor and is furious and curious as to how Bela could’ve matched with someone who’s been dead for 20 years.

In a panic, and in an effort to preserve her feelings, Sam and Jay decide to message Bela on behalf of Trevor that he has moved away to Newfoundland and won’t be able to continue their online relationship. When she reads his messages, Bela suspects that he is lying and when she searches Trevor’s profile picture online, she learns that it’s a picture of a man who died 20 years ago. She immediately believes she’s been catfished.

She messages him over and over again and notices that each time she messages him, there is a notification sound coming from the kitchen. She orders Jay to unlock the IPad that they keep in the kitchen, and it is there where she learns that the notifications are due to the messages that she had been sending. This infuriates her, believing that her brother and sister in law believed her so incapable of finding a man on her own that they would create a fake profile to match with her. She immeidately goes upstairs to pack and states sht she is leaving the house.

As she is packing, Jay and Sam beg her not to leave and in an effort to get her to stay and salvage what’s left of their relationship, Sam tells Bela that a ghost was the one who created the profile from the IPad and matched with her. As anyone else would be when hearing something like this, Bela is very skeptical. Sam argues that this is true and asks Issac, Alberta, and Thorfinn to use their powers to help Bela believe her. It’s not until Pete is able to peer into Bela’s bag and tell Sam what is in it, with Sam translating those contents to Bela and that she is able to guess how many fingers Bela is holding up thanks to the ghost’s help, that she finally believes Sam. Sam then confides to Bela that besides Jay, she is the only person who knows her ability. Bela agrees to keep this information to herself and is flattered to learn that she is the only one who knows besides Jay. This helps to strengthen the relationship between the two women.

Bela and her friend Eric visit Jay and Sam during Christmas on “The Christmas Spirit, Part One, The Christmas Spirit, Part Two”, although he is only with her because she needed a ride. She is still interested in Trevor, and asks hopefully if Trevor is still around. While Sam is trying to get sparks flying between Bela and Eric, Bela busies herself with trying to find a way to speak with Trevor. Trevor successfully messages Bela from the computer in the kitchen, and is pleased when Bela agrees to allow him to possess her friend so that they can be together. Bela then convinces Eric to allow Trevor to possess him and talks with her brother about how he was possessed by Hetty so that she can help Eric and Trevor recreate the same event. As they are trying this late on Christmas Eve, Jay walks in on them and explicitly forbids Bela from going through with her plans. Frustrated, she stomps up to her room and the next day, Eric leaves the house.

After Jay convinces Eric to come back to the house and he gives her and Eric his blessing to proceed with the possession. However, things backfire horribly when instead of getting possessed, Eric temporarily dies from electocution. Bela is scared and immediately regretful of her choices. When Eric awakes, Bela apologies profusely, grateful that he is okay. Later, when talking with Jay, he convinces her that Eric isn’t safe, but is deeply unstable, a gesture he knows will turn his sister’s head toward Eric. And almost as if nothing has happened, they are able to continue to enjoy their holiday into the next day, when they can finally exchange gifts.

• Bela is the first living, besides Jay, whom Sam tells about her ability see and hear the dead.

• “LL Uncool J!” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Oh this place is epic! Okay!” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Yeah, I set my dating profile to the Hudson Valley a few days ago cause I knew I would be up here, and then boom! I matched with this insanely hot guy. We’ve been messaging and we’re really vibing! Do you want to see him?” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Turns out if you park at a Dunkin Donuts for more than two weeks, they will take action.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “We’ve just been friends forever! Can you even imagine, Eric?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “I think that he might have a little thing for me. But honestly, I’m just not into him… …I dunno. He’s just, like, always there for me, doing anything I need. He’s like always driving me to the airport. He’s helped me move like four times.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Thank you, but I don’t think I need any help when it comes to men. By the way, is Trevor around?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Hey I don’t think I ever asked you about that time you got possessed by a ghost… … I mean I joked about it: Victorian lady inside of you, objectively funny. But it must have been weird and probably a little scary.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “That’s what family’s for. Now that supply closet, is that on this floor?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Okay this is gonna sound weird so just go with me. You know that finance bro I was talking to for a while?… … The things is, Trevor’s a ghost.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Eric, would you let Trevor possess your body so that we can be together… just for a day?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “That’s not your call, Jay! Trevor, Eric, and I are three consenting adults.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Look, I know from where you’re standing, this all seems nuts. I get it. I’m not an idiot. But Trevor and I had a real connection. You’re lucky, Jay. You found the love of your life and you get to spend everyday with her. I don’t have that. And now, thanks to you, I don’t even get to be with the one guy I like for one day.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Jean Claude? I do like a bad boy.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Eric can see ghosts!” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “And it has made me and Eric way tighter. I mean, he’s going through so much, and I just want to be there for him.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Sam, did Flower get sucked off or not?… That doesn’t make sense. He wasn’t confused. He said he walked through Flower, and then he got high, which is her power, right? But how could he have walked through Flower if she’s not even here.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “A little lie? He took me to Minnesota for my birthday to have dinner with Prince.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Jean Claude is just a ghost who lives in my building. Or I guess he’s not a ghost. He’s just another part of Erica’s elaborate lie, apparently.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “It just sucks because I actually really liked him. I thought he could’ve been the one. But you can’t start off a relationship like that. Something that’s meant to be can’t start on a lie.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Now, tell me about that time you hit an oil slick on the road to Saint-Tropez.” (Season 3, Episode 3)

Todd Pearlman first appears in “Alberta’s Fan” as the titular character. He’s a middle-aged man who lives with his mom and is Alberta‘s biggest fan and historian. Running the one and only Alberta Haynes Museum out of his mother’s garage in Altoona, PA, he sets himself as an expert of her history and career, even writing a book about her. He visited Woodstone Mansion in hopes of finding clues regarding her death. While the official cause of death was a cardiac episode, Todd always suspected foul play. Citing that a woman as beautiful and talented as Alberta would attract rivals, there are sure to be several suspects in the case of her murder.

Alberta immediately took a liking to Todd, his praise and adoration giving her ego a boost. This annoyed Isaac to no end, since he had hoped that the historian had come to write about him! However, as Todd‘s visit went on, he began displaying more worrisome “superfan” behaviors: smelling her coat several times, having purchased one of her toenail clippings with the intent to clone her, even having a full color tattoo of Alberta‘s face on his back!

After spending the night at the B&B, Trevor found Todd unconscious and ill. After rounding up the Ghosts and Livings, Jay calls for an ambulance. Meanwhile, Alberta reminds Sam that if Todd dies on the property and becomes a ghost, they would be stuck with him forever, and the only way to prevent this from happening was to drag him off of the property in time.

Disregarding standard procedure of not moving someone who may be injured, Sam, Jay, and one of the workmen wrap Todd in a blanket and haul him down the stairs, just in time to meet with the paramedics who chastise them for carrying him out. They load him into the ambulance and drive off, leaving Sam and Jay hoping that they didn’t kill their first guest.

Later that afternoon, Jay hears back from the hospital, informing him that Todd pulled through and should be okay, much to everyone’s relief. Moments later, one of his friends sends him a video relating to Woodstone Mansion…and it’s Todd! He’s being interviewed by a local news station in regards to his adventure. He reports that he’d been staying at the Woodstone B&B where he’d been poisoned…by an old flask of moonshine, which he drank from to touch his lips where Alberta‘s had touched. This news story sent several viewers to research Alberta‘s album, spreading her fan base even further. Having previously been upset that her “biggest fan” had turned out to be a nut case, she preened at receiving praise from many new people thanks to Todd‘s story.

Todd would later return to Woodstone Mansion in “Alberta’s Podcast“, begrudgingly invited by Sam to co-host a podcast about Alberta‘s death, jumping in on the new popularity of murder-mystery podcasts. Todd arrives, bearing gifts: his newly-published biography of Alberta, and several artifacts from his museum, which he needed to move out to make room for his mother’s boyfriend’s bowling stuff.

Sam and Jay go out to help unload Todd‘s car of his research materials, including a spliced-together picture that would show what Todd‘s and Alberta‘s potential child would look like. One of the pieces was an antique end table with a false bottom, containing Alberta‘s secret diary! Alberta insists that it be left alone, that it contained things she didn’t want to get out, but getting it away from Todd was impossible.

After reading Alberta‘s diary and discovering the story of how she ratted out Clara, the club headliner so she could perform instead, Todd is completely taken aback! Having devoted his life and career to her, he no longer feels he knows who Alberta is! This makes Alberta afraid that whoever listens to the podcast will think she was a fraud and turn against her.

Alberta breaks and shares with Sam, Pete, and Sasappis why she ratted Clara out: because she’d been continually overlooked due to her body size, and Clara had been put in front because despite being less talented, she was skinny.

Sam shares this information with Todd, who comes around to realizing that Alberta had had good reason to do what she did, and he comes to admire her even more for being a crusader against unfair body standards as well as being a remarkable person and talented singer. So much so, in fact, that his desire to clone her is redoubled, much to Alberta‘s dismay.

In “Alberta’s Descendant“, we find him presenting a much more charming, confident, and charismatic side of himself. He instantly charms Alicia, Alberta’s great-great-great niece with their shared love of classic literature and her famous relative. He shows he’s supportive as well, advising her to follow her dreams of being a singer like Alberta. He is utterly dismayed, then, when Sam chooses to highlight all of his strange behavior while he and Alicia have lunch together. He still is determined to stick with the podcast, despite those awkward moments, and between him, Alicia, Sam, and Alberta, they discover that Alberta’s own sister might have had a hand in her murder!

• “Alberta was a singer, a wonderful singer! Believe it or not, she died right here in this house!” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “Her life story is an inspiration: born in Tulsa to Jamaican parents, as a young woman she came to Harlem during the great migration with nothing but a dream in her heart and a boatload of talent.” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “I didn’t pack for an overnight, obviously, so would I be able to borrow some pajamas? Also, if I don’t eat soon, we’re gonna have a problem. I’m hypoglycemic, so it’s kind of urgent.” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “Do you want to see something from my personal Alberta collection? I carry it with me everywhere. It’s my most prized possession! Voila! It’s Alberta’s toenail!” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “Remember in Jurassic Park, when they cloned all those dinosaurs from a little bit of blood? Well, maybe I could one day make an Alberta from just a little bit of nail. Who knows? Maybe we’d end up together!” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “(to news reporter) I was staying at the Woodstone Bed and Breakfast when I discovered a very old bottle of moonshine, so I drank from it. I’m a curator and collector of all things relating to jazz legend Alberta Haynes, and I have reason to believe that she was the last person to drink from it, and I wanted to put my lips where hers had been. I spoke to the doctors and they informed me they believe it was strychnine. I’ve often assumed that Alberta had been murdered by a jealous rival, and now I know I was probably right.” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “I actually have a bunch of stuff from the museum out in my car. Research, files, artifacts…I thought they’d be useful for the podcast. I had to clear a bunch of space in the garage, anyway. My mom’s boyfriend, Kyle, needed a place to store his bowling stuff.” (Season 1, Episode 9)
• “It’s exciting to meet a descendant of the great Alberta Haynes!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “The life of a historian is a lonely one. We don’t do it for the glory or the fame.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “‘A voice cries out in the wilderness’, yes that’s exactly how I feel sometimes!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “I majored in dance, but it’s great to meet a fellow scholar!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “I can’t wait to talk all things Alberta with you later.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “I love my subject. What about you? Do you like being a lawyer?” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “We wouldn’t be here today if Alberta didn’t have the guts to go after her dream!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Was it the toenail thing? Sorry it didn’t work out between us but this was the longest relationship I’ve had in years.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Honestly, I’m still reeling from our breakup, but I’m a professional and I’ll push forward.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “And as we’ve discussed, Alberta was dating Earl Boudreaux when she died.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Yes, and according to the family tree, her sister’s name was Theresa. Oh my god, that would be crazy!” (Season 2, Episode 18)

Micah is a young local that Jay meets during a game of pick-up basketball. So pleased to have finally made some friends, Jay invites him and a few others over to the house to watch a game on tv together.

There, Micah shares his philosophy with Jay—which others in his group point out is remarkable for him to do—about basketball and life. You can choose “direction” or “ball”. He then suggests to Jay that it’s possible to have both. Rolling up his sleeve reveals a white patch on his arm. When Jay asks what it is, Micah tells him “This is ball.”

After Jay gives Micah a tour of the house, he gives Jay 10 boxes of the vitamin patches to sell on consignment. Shortly after this, it’s revealed to Jay that this group isn’t just a business or a Ponzi scheme, it’s a cult! Its members believe that the vitamin patches that Micah learned to make in a dream will give them eternal life, as well as guaranteeing them their own planets to rule. He even gets Jay to “patch in” with them.

He has a nefarious purpose, however. In the fine print regarding the boxes of vitamin patches, Micah hid a clause stating that he and his cult would get to live in Woodstone Mansion for one trillion years. It’s only after Sam pretends that she slept with him, threatening to fracture the group and shake their faith in Micah, that he agrees to leave the premises.

• “Ball goes away, direction lasts forever.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “THIS is ball” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “It’s business, a community, a way of life” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “It’s important to be limber, especially if you’re gonna live forever.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “I’m 742 years young” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “I did not sleep with her! Everyone’s getting their own planets, my bodily fluids still cure the common cold, this was a test! And you all passed!” (Season 2, Episode 3)
• “Marriage, that’s the real cult” (Season 2, Episode 3)

He seems to care little for the real Pete Martino or his family. He would rather spin an elaborate character assassination for the sake of entertainment than consider how this portrayal would affect people.

He wants to be regarded as a great actor, and has quite the inflated sense of self-importance, believing his portrayal of Pete would be his break into mainstream cinema.

Always keen for the over-the-top, he even volunteers to wet/soil himself, even though it isn’t called for.

Pete Actor is an English methor actor who is becoming obsessed with “getting to the truth” of Pete Martino when he is hired by the TV show “Dumb Deaths” to recreate the day Pete died.

This man has made a career as a character actor in various small television roles, often going to extremes in doing so. For a brief appearance as Customer #2 he admitted to gaining 75 lbs for the part. To prepare for playing Pete Martino in an episode of the docuseries “Dumb Deaths“, he sought to find Pete’s motivations and reasons for his ultimately dumb death.

• Pete Actor is actually played by Mathew Baynton, who is Thomas Thorne on the original BBC series “Ghosts“.

• “I’m so sorry, I don’t want to be that guy, but mobile phones weren’t around in 1985, so would you mind…? I know you’re not on screen but it’s just the vibe for me.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “I actually put on 75 lbs for my last role. Too months to lose it, but nobody will forget Customer #2!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “What drives Pete Martino? Who IS Pete Martino? What causes a man, an experience troop leader, to put himself directly in the line of fire?” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “Yes! Of course he was [drunk]! He looked around one day and saw how pathetic his life was. A travel agent booking other people’s holidays while going nowhere himself! So he hit the bottle!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “I don’t get this rewrite. Why would I say “Howdy”? Is this a western? Am I Jonathan Wayne?” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “You were there?! Tell me everything, Jennifer! Bring me inside the mind of a madman!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “Dammit! Whatever tenuous foothold I had into this man is gone, I’ve completely lost my character! ” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “A sugar fiend in need of his fix! His blind pursuit of pastry ultimately costing him his life! And earning me a general meeting with J.J. Abrams or someone in his company.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “When the arrow punctures my neck and shatters Pete Martino’s dreams, I urinate!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “(As Ira) No! This was supposed be a hip and groovy day, ya dig? But this is like the OPPOSITE of groovy! There’s no such thing as free love! There’s always a price!!” (Season 2, Episode 7)

Basically, he comes off as a sappy pushover with no thought for himself apart from “getting the girl” regardless of personal cost. It’s a direct contrast to Bela’s attraction to messy, complicated situations and people.

His willingness to believe Bela’s revelation that Woodstone Mansion is haunted is admirable, even if his agreement to allow Trevor to possess him may make him appear naively over-eager.

His devotion, however, is ultimately rewarded. After a close brush with death, Bela found that she wished to give him a chance, romantically. This decision was encouraged when Jay suggested that Eric is “dangerous” enough to be appealing to his drama-loving sister.

Eric has shown himself to be not only a chronic people-pleaser, as shown by his offer to provide Jay with professional restaurant designs for free, but a liar as well. He felt the only way to stay interesting enough to keep Bela with him was to concoct an elaborate hoax that he could see and talk to Ghosts like Sam. To help maintain the lie while visiting Woodstone, he even closed the laptop and flipped over the iPad so Trevor couldn’t warn Bela. When his house of cards came crashing down, he guilted her by making a show of offering her the car and claiming he would take an Uber Share for a 14 hour drive home. His kicked puppy act works once again and Bela gives him another chance.

Eric is an architect and a longtime friend of Jay’s sister, Bela. She’s admitted that he’s always been there for her when she needed help. He’s harbored feelings for her for years and has been waiting for her to feel the same way. She has displayed no such feelings for him, though, and initially finds the very idea to be laughable.

Eric and Bela have been in a relationship since last Christmas, although her interest in him as a partner quickly waned once his “bad boy” status cooled. He tried several things to keep her attention, such as learning to make crepes, but his biggest attempt to maintain Bela’s interest was in pretending that his electrocution misadventure granted him the ability to see ghosts. He invented a biker ghost that haunts their home named Jean Claude, who “flirts” with Bela. He even took her to Minneapolis to have dinner with Prince’s ghost, and to Boston to meet Samuel Adams. His fabrications were elaborate and widespread. It was while visiting Woodstone Mansion again that his house of cards came tumbling down, when Sam discovered him to be a fraud.

Jay concocted a scenario for Eric to “lose” his power by pretending to fall down the stairs, but before they could act on it, Bela found out the truth. Hurt and humiliated by this betrayal, Bela appeared ready to dump Eric for good, but Sam and Jay convinced her to give Eric another chance because people do crazy things for love (although this might be a bit more than a typical couple!) They even suggested that the French “biker ghost” Eric made up for her would be a fun alter-ego for him to role play.

• “(While decorating gingerbread house) Ooo, the marshmallow could be the smoke coming out of our chimney! And we are now ready to receive mail!” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Did you leave a flannel shirt and suspenders on my bed?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “So, after my Pop-Pop died, my Nana said she could still talk to him, and nobody believed her. But, I did, so no, I don’t think you’re crazy.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Look, cards on the table: I really like you, and someday I hope maybe we’ll even end up together, but this whole Trevor thing I can see this is something you need to get out of your system. You need to sow your wild ghosts. So, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Bela, if this is what you want for Christmas, I’m in.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Now, when Trevor goes to sleep, he is going to put in my retainer, right?” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• “Did the electrocution part hurt? Because that’s the part that I’m sort of very concerned about.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
• So, Christmas morning are you guys like a “everybody takes turns opening presents” type family or is it more of a free-for-all? (Season 2, Episode 10)
• “I don’t want to lose my place in line. If I get one of the backward facing chairs, I’m gonna get train sick.” (Season 2, Episode 10)
• “[Trevor possessing him] It’s what you want, that’s what’s important to me.” (Season 2, Episode 10)
• “I don’t want to do that again. I think I saw Trevor. Impressive jawline.” (Season 2, Episode 10)
• “I’m just sorry that Sam couldn’t be here. She-she’s not here, is she?” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Well, you guys said you couldn’t afford an achitect, which is why those plans are on the house.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “So, remember last Christmas when I tried to let Trevor possess me so that he could be with Bela but I electrocuted myself and legally died for several minutes? Well, when we got back to Boston, a couple weeks later…” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Uh, well there’s Alberta…she says hello. And uh, there’s the Revolutionary War guy, Isaac! Yeah! Oh, there’s the arrow guy!” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “And you know who’s still bumming around Boston? Samuel Adams! Yeah, I will tell him you say hi, Isaac” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Pete was just telling me the funniest thing in the kitchen—crap! I mean, hi Sam!” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “So, for the first couple weeks after the Christmas we spent here, things were going great. I mean, I was like this dangerous, cool guy who agreed to get electrocuted in order to facilitate ghost sex. But, subtly, slowly, I felt Bela, like, getting bored with me. I panicked! And Bela was talking about how cool it would have been if the near-death caused me to develop ghost powers like you. And so, I went with it. I came clean about the burden I’d been carrying—that I was now able to see ghosts. I know I have to tell Bela the truth, but I also know she’s gonna break up with me. And I’m in love with her.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “[Trevor] looks amazing, by the way. Jawline is as strong as ever. I wish I could say as much about the hair.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Whoa! Oh, wow, I just walked right through Flower! Oh my god, I’m so—I’m so woozy. I better be careful on those stairs!” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Okay then. Here’s some more truth. I’m pretty sure I broke my fibula.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• “Hey, hey, so I’m gonna head out. Um, I’m leaving you the car, I’m gonna take an Uber Pool. It says it’s gonna take 14 hours, but it’s what I deserve.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
• (French accent) “Excusez-moi? But of course, Mademoiselle. Oh-ho-ho!” (Season 3, Episode 3)

Freddie is a chipper, motivated young man with a driving desire to show that he’s the best.

On his first day on the job, he organizes Jay’s recipes, incorporates new business software into their computer, and even knows how to cook. He also strongly relates to Jay with his pop culture references. He starts out with an enthusiastic work ethic, offering to arrive at work early and stay late (“The Perfect Assistant“)

Beneath his can-do exterior, however, lurks depths of despair. When Sam and Jay, mistakenly believing that he was a murderer, fire him, he immediately called his mother and cried that he would only ever be fit for food delivery.

All wasn’t well after his return, either. In “The Family Business”, his relationship with his girlfriend suddenly imploded in a huge fight that was started over their water filter pitcher. However, he’d previously remarked that his girlfriend was growing irritated with him for repeatedly saying how much he loved his job (not to mention staying late!), and the Ghost that haunts his car told Sasappis that they’d been listening to a lot of podcasts about toxic relationships. So it would appear their relationship was already on the rocks.

After their breakup, Freddie falls apart completely, bemoaning losing custody of both the water filter and their hamster, rendering him incapable of doing his job.

When Sam loses patience with him and finally snaps, he sulkily quits, saying what a bad worker he is and that he doesn’t deserve to work there.

He quickly took his job back, though, and after some investigation, discovered on the security footage that the computer keys appeared to be clicking themselves!

In “Ghost Hunter”, Freddie presents Sam and Jay with evidence that their house may be haunted! He buys an assortment of anti-ghost materials to repel, detect, or trap them. Also, much to Sasappis’ dismay, he sold his haunted car whose ghost Sasappis had a burgeoning relationship with.

He baits the Ghost trap with a cookie and while the Ghosts cannot eat, they enjoy smelling food. Despite looking rather dodgy, the trap works, catching Thorfinn and then Flower inside it! Sam and Jay ask him how to release the Ghost trap, but he instead questions them gloatingly about their “sudden” belief in Ghosts. He continues this sneering attitude for the remainder of the episode. After his instructions to Sam to push the button on its side further imperils the Ghosts by activating the Countdown to Evisceration, Pete decides to potentially sacrifice himself to save his friends. The three Ghosts’ combined energy overloads the machine’s capacity and they’re all set free. It was only after this that he revealed that it could be reset by simply turning it off and back on again.

After this adventure, Freddie quits for what appears to be a final time, citing the numerous ways that his time at Woodstone has been bad for him.

• “Look, I read that rave about you in Sippr last month. You’re doing something right here at Woodstone and I just want to be a part of that. And Jay, you shoot the hostage. Speed is the perfect movie and Mr. Keanu Reeves is a national treasure.”(Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Wow! What an interesting way of phrasing that! So, am I accepting the offer? You betcha.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “I’m just here to support your genius and allow you to concentrate on that beautiful crème anglaise.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Is this because of the Diet Coke I took? Jay said I could help myself.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Mom, listen. I got fired. I know it’s just been one day. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll pick up Arby’s? Because that’s what I do now, Mom, pick up food. That’s all I’m good for.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Here’s your burrito. I didn’t even want to come. I just have to keep my rating high because this is my only form of income right now. I threw in a Diet Coke so now we’re even.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “I want three of those burritos. Well, then, you guys have yourself a new-old assistant.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• re: installing a security camera above the front desk. “Well, I gotta keep myself honest.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “I’m just so happy to be part of the team. Frankly, I think my girlfriend is getting a little sick of hearing how much I love this job.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “All right, just a quick cheese plate with crackers, apples, and honeycomb. Now, what were you thinking about how I should handle the whole Brita situation?” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Sorry I’m late, didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “I talked to Beth about the whole Brita thing, like you said to. She didn’t take it very well. It escalated into this huge fight and then she broke up with me.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• On the phone “Woodstone B&B, how May I help you? (Voice breaking) Reservation for Valentine’s Day? Are you sure you want to book that far in advance? Because sometimes, you think your relationship is perfect, but then your girlfriend dumps you and takes the Brita. (Sobbing) And now you’re alone and your water tastes weird!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “The system isn’t supposed to allow this. It’s taking on a mind of its own like Joshua in Wargames!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Well, since Beth broke up with me—I didn’t tell you this but she took the hamster, she got Bubbles!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “You’re right, I am a bad employee. I don’t deserve to work here. I quit.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Hmm, that’s odd. The keys are clicking themselves!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Sam, Jay, from the time that I’ve been working here, I’ve noticed some disturbing things. It started with these strange, almost ethereal humming sounds I would hear every now and then. Like a singer warming up, but kinda off-key.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “But this is the weirdest thing by far: this is security footage from the front desk the from other night. See that? No one is there, but the keys are moving. Now, you guys are gonna think I’m crazy, but there’s only one plausible explanation for all of this. You guys have… Did you hear me? I said I think you guys have ghosts.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “First off, a classic ghost repellant—sage! And This detects electromagnetic energy, which is what ghosts are made up of. We’re all clear!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “And finally, the coup de grace, the Ghost Trap 2000. I ordered it online from a Latvian company that specializes in ghost hunting equipment!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “So now you think there’s a ghost in the trap! I thought you didn’t believe in ghosts!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “Well, Obi-Wan wasn’t really a ghost, per se. Right, but I would argue that’s merely a manifestation of his Force powers.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “Uh, I don’t know Latvian! Countdown to evisceration. Oh, that is not good. Unless you’re right and ghosts don’t exist, then we’re fine!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “Good news! Turns out you just have to turn it off and turn it back on!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “Rough? You guys fired me once, drove me to quit another time, then you bought my old car, which is weird. Not to mention you caused my girlfriend to dump me (this is 100% not true, all Sam said was that he ought to talk to her about it. The fact that he blames her entirely is ridiculous and shows an inability to face up to his own actions). And on top of that, I don’t want to work in a house that I think has ghosts. I’m out of here!” (Season 2, Episode 13)

In “Alberta’s Descendant“, Alicia visits the Woodstone B&B, brought there by Sam’s podcast. She reveals that she’s related to Alberta, that she is her great-grandmother’s sister.

Alberta presses Sam with many questions for her relative, and Alicia reveals that she’s a lawyer and that she’s single, having had problems navigating dating apps with any success. She had made quite a study of her famous relative, regaling Sam and Jay with stories about her smacking a guy with her microphone stand without even breaking her stride. Alberta listened, enraptured to hear how she was remembered.

At Jay’s suggestion, they invite Alicia to be a special guest on their podcast, and she even seemed excited to meet Todd Perlman, Sam’s eccentric cohost. When they meet, sparks immediately fly! They make an excellent first impression as they discover they have much in common. They go on a romantic stroll and agree to a dinner date.

Alberta sees meeting Alicia as an opportunity to guide someone through life and be a parent figure, so she takes it upon herself to protect Alicia from Todd.

During their dinner date, Alicia confesses to Todd that she’d always wished she’d tried taking a chance at a singing career. Todd encourages this, much to Alberta’s disgust. She’s convinced that he’s trying to twist her descendant into a copy of her that he can have.

After Sam reveals a number of Todd’s less savory eccentricities to Alicia, her interest in him quickly cools, although she still maintains her desire to become a singer and sees value in his advice to do so.

Before sitting down to record her episode of the murder podcast, Alicia reveals that after thinking and praying about it over the last night, she has decided to pursue a singing career, and asks Sam and Jay if she might sing a little on the podcast just to get herself out there.

All the while, Alberta has been voicing her objections until she hears Alicia sing. After joining her in a duet of “Someone to Watch Over Me”, she gives her her blessing, realizing that she might just have what it takes to make it.

• Danielle Pinnock and Ashley D. Kelley’s bond runs deeper behind the scenes as both of them are friends and met over 15 years ago at Temple University.

• “I just had to come see the place where Alberta died. She’s sort of a personal hero. Actually, Alberta and I are related. She’s my great-grandmother’s sister.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Oh yeah, all those bootleggers and gangsters! She had such a colorful life! Ooh! Did you ever hear the story about her performing, and a fight broke out in the front row? Alberta straight-up knocked out one of the guys with her mic stand and just kept on singing!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Oh wow, it is so nice to meet you! I’m a huge fan! You know, I actually read your book.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Vox clamantis in deserto (Latin: a voice cries out in the wilderness)” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Is he single?!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “So, did you always want to be a historian?” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Sometimes I feel like I took the easy path. I guess if I had to do it over again, I’ve always thought I could be a singer, like Alberta.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Why do you have her toenail?! Cloning?!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “He said I should quit my job as a lawyer to pursue my dream of a singing career. And he was right! I’m gonna do it! I’m going after my dream!” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Thanks again for the pep talk about my singing career. I slept on it and prayed on it, and yeah, I might be crazy but I don’t want to have regrets. And I think Alberta would say the same thing.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “But, didn’t you and your husband quit your jobs to start this B&B?” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “Hey, I was thinking, since you have a big audience, maybe I could sing on the pod? Get some exposure?” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “There’s a somebody I’m longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be someone who’ll watch over me I’m a little lamb who’s lost in a wood. I know I could always be good. To one who’ll watch over me.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
• “I don’t know T, but I do know my great-grandmother Reese dated Earl after Alberta’s death.” (Season 2, Episode 18)

We first meet the Farnsbys in “Dinner Party“, in which Sam and Jay invite them over for dinner to make a better impression on them in order to open the B&B. Henry bores them to tears with his stories about pickleball and town ordinances, while refusing to be swayed from his original impression that the B&B will bring unsavory people and noise to the neighborhood.

At the end of the dinner party, Sam uses information gleaned from the Ghosts to blackmail Henry into approving their zoning application, but that’s not the end of them!

Several months later, in the season finale, “Farnsby & B“, the Farnsbys offer to buy Woodstone Mansion. When Sam and Jay refuse, they open their home as a rival B&B in order to run Sam and Jay out of business, despite hating it instantly. They end up betting it all on a game of pickleball, and losing by a technicality when Henry hurts his back mid-swing.

It’s revealed in “Farnsby & B” that the Farnsby’s home is haunted by the Ghost of a 50s housewife, who is later revealed to be Henry’s mother, Judy.

In Season 2, “The Baby Bjorn“, we discover that the Farnsbys are swingers and host regular get-togethers with others who are similarly inclined, and even invite Sam and Jay to join them (they decline as politely and as expediently as possible).

• Henry “Our new neighbors are funny!” [fake laughs] (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Henry: “We heard you were doing some construction, emphasis on the heard” (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Margaret: “Slang and earrings…[fake laughs] That’s fun.” Henry, re: pickleball, “But it’s not squash, that’s a common misconception.” (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Henry, “Cammy MacGregor, Tyson McGuffin, these are some of the giants of the sport. Not literal giants, of course. Height is huge disadvantage in pickleball…” (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Henry, “If you like ordinance 6.B.12, you are going to love ordinance 6.B.13!” (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Margaret, “Oh, and forget about art, wine, cinema, wine, jazz…” (Season 1 Episode 4)
• Henry, “How about a morning game of pickleball? Oh, come on, dear. If we’re not going to use the court, then why on earth did we tear down the carriage house to build it?” (season 1 episode 4)
• Henry, “We just don’t want to deal with the headache of living next door to a B&B. The traffic, the noise—“ (Season 1 Episode 18)
• Margaret, “The middle class trudging past in their Volvos.” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• Henry, “You have incurred the wrath of the Farnsbys! Enjoy those lemon bars.” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• Henry, “Welcome to the Farnsby & B!” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• Henry, “We can do this a long time. We are loving this Newhart life!” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• Margaret, scoffs, “You think you can beat us? At pickleball? The reigning B-League mixed doubles seniors champions?” (Season 1 episode 18)
• Henry, “I didn’t get rich by giving things away.” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• Henry, “That is so cute, but you didn’t have to make up an excuse to come to our little get-together.” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• Margaret, “Don’t worry, we won’t start without you!” Margaret, “I wasn’t into it at first. You just gotta play around a little bit til you find the [toys] you like.” (Season 2 Episode 6)

He can endure unpleasant living conditions such as faulty heating, no hot water, and no internet without complaining, and was even the last person to leave the fateful Fyre Fest (a notorious disaster)

He is also the 7-year reigning champion at Super Mega Bowl, a football video game, and even beat the computer.

While playing a high-stakes game of it with Jay, where if he loses he has to leave Woodstone immediately and if he won he would get double the rewards points, he tells them that his father had pressured him to take over the family lighting business. He loves lights, he has a real passion for the industry, but only doubts his self-worth. When this came out, Trevor used his Ghost power and wet-willied him, just like he did in their younger days, making him miss his final field goal and lose the game. This gave him the push out of the nest that he greatly needed.

In “Hello, Brother”, we meet Trevor‘s younger brother, Jeremy. He comes to Woodstone Mansion and tells Sam and Jay that he hadn’t been able to come to Trevor‘s memorial because he wasn’t ready to accept that he was really gone.

While initially claiming he was coming to stay for the weekend, he packed quite heavily, which was the first indication he planned a much longer stay. He reveals to Jay that he and his father were no longer speaking after Lenny fired Jeremy after a fight at work. Despite this, he then proceeds to order the most expensive items on the menu for lunch.

He fondly recalls playing Super Mega Bowl with Trevor, although each brother claims to have beaten the other all the time. We see in a flashback that Trevor once beat Jeremy by giving him a wet willy as Jeremy was trying to kick a field goal to end the game.

When Jeremy‘s credit card is declined, he reveals to Sam and Jay that he will be paying for his room and amenities with Woodstone Reward Points, which he has gained by setting up 10,000 email addresses to join the mailing list because there is no rule in place to limit one per customer. He goes on to explain that he accumulated enough rewards points this way to stay for free at Woodstone for a year.

After failing to succumb to Sam and Jay‘s attempt to get him to leave by turning off the hot water, the heat, and the internet, he agrees to Jay‘s proposition to play a game of Super Mega Bowl, double or nothing.

Right at the end of the game, Jeremy tells them that if he wasn’t able to keep staying at Woodstone indefinitely, he would have had to take over his father’s lighting company. His father had fired him for refusing to take over.

After losing the game, thanks to Trevor, he packs up to leave, apparently to try his hand at running the lighting company.

• “Yeah, I wanted to come, but I just think I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that Trevor was really gone. It was just too painful. You know, I always held out hope that maybe he just made a boatload, took some hottie to the Maldives, and set up some sort of tax dodge.” (Season 3, Episode 6)
• “Oh, my parents raved about the memorial, by the way. Especially my dad. Especially getting to meet Tara Reid. I think they’re actually texting now.” (Season 3, Episode 6)
• “He kinda fired me. But, it’s for the best. I’d been there for 15 years, we were just butting heads by the end. It was just time to go” (Season 3, Episode 6)
• “I still have time to kick this field goal, and win the Lefkowitz family championship!” (Season 3, Episode 6)
• “I’m going to use Woodstone Rewards Points to pay for it. Food, room, the whole thing. You know how you get a hundred points when you sign up for the mailing list? Right, well, usually there’s something in the rules about how many emails you can register, but not in yours. So, I set up 10,000 dummy email accounts, and now I got a million points!” “How am I losing? This makes no sense! Whatever. There’s still time. Let’s see how you like this! Oh come on! There’s six plays, you pick mine every time! That’s impossible. No one can guess right that many times!” (Season 3, Episode 6)
• “I think Lenny was just trying to motivate me or something. Oh, I freaking love lights! When you find that perfect grouping and fill a room with that magical glow, it’s a godlike feeling. My dad’s just doing it to be nice. I’m not cut out to run anything. Trevor was the one with the head for business. I’d probably just screw it up.” (Season 3, Episode 6)

Chris first appears in “The Polterguest” when Sam hires him to perform as a lap dancer at Isaac‘s bachelor party. Isaac is initially uninterested but he quickly changes his mind when Chris reveals himself to be knowledgeable and interested in dinosaurs, his newest hobby! As he performs his dance, he peppers it with interesting facts about dinosaurs, including the clicking sound that one would make. Between his stimulating dance performance and intriguing info-dump, Isaac finds himself attracted to Chris.

Chris returns in the season finale, “Isaac’s Wedding” to perform as the DJ. He reveals he’s also interested in the Revolutionary War, dislikes Alexander Hamilton, is gay, and has no sense of smell. These things only add to Isaac‘s infatuation with the man, troubling him about his future with Nigel.

He very nearly meets his untimely end at Woodstone when he eats guacamole that Jay had added shellfish to, triggering a severe allergic reaction in him!

• Chris is Australian.

• “So, you want me to dance for this empty chair?” (Season 3 Episode 7)
• “Actually, that’s not a T-Rex. That’s a Dilophosaurus. It was a fast-moving carnivore that roamed the Earth in the early Jurassic period. Actually, we don’t really know if the dilophosauraus roared. Some scientists say it was more like a series of clicks like [clicks tongue…clicks tongue seductively]” (Season 3 Episode 7)
• You want to talk about a real solid foundation? Each leg of a brachiosaurus weighs over 10,000 pounds. (Season 3 Episode 7)
• I’ve got eight reasons! Here they are, mate! (rips open shirt) (Season 3, Episode 10)
• This is a great old-timey mansion you got. Did you know there were some Revolutionary War battles around here? I’m a bit of a buff. You guys seen Hamilton? If you like that sort of thing. Personally, I consider him a Lesser Founding Father. I mean, Federal Reserve? Big whoop. Like they weren’t going to come up with that anyway. Guy was a joke. (Season 3, Episode 10)
• Does..this have…crab in it? I’m allergic…to…. *collapses* (Season 3, Episode 10)

Donna is a friendly, flirty, pretty woman in her 30s who hooks up with Pete while he’s on vacation, exploring the bounds of his newly-discovered ghost power.

Donna died at a tropical beach resort in 1982 when someone dropped a 15 pound cellular phone on her head. She is quickly taken with Pete in “Isaac’s Wedding” and is said to resemble Loni Anderson.

Donna murdered her husband with a pitchfork, earning her the nickname “The Slaying Mantis”, before she fled to the Caribbean.

• “Let me guess (points at arrow through Pete’s neck) heart attack?” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “That was amazing. I do love a man in uniform.” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “I bet the rapids are rough and scary, so you’d have to hold me close! Kiss me, Pete Martino! (re: Pete’s suddenly vanished hand) Oh no! Did a piranha get it?? (Pete and Donna both screaming in alarm)” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “I don’t know, Pete, I’ve never seen a ghost vanish into oblivion before!” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “Pete, we’re ghosts. We make the best of our situation. But deep down, we’re all just waiting for the opportunity to move on. Yeah, you could go home now. Maybe that stops whatever is happening. But, look around. If it did end here, now, would that really be the worst thing?” (Season 3, Episode 10)

Thomas Woodstone is introduced in a flashback in ‘The Family Business‘ as Hetty‘s son, when she is already dead but haunting the Woodstone Mansion. In this flashback, Thomas is sitting alone in the room, asking her mother to send a sign, as an answer as if he should marry the girl he is supposed to marry. He doesn’t hear her but she insists he shouldn’t marry her, as she is a money-grubbing harlot.

In order to help Hetty, Thorfinn uses his powers and flashes all the lights in the room. Thomas then, don’t take this sign the right way, and is convinced that his mother told him that he had should marry her.

It’s revealed in “Whodunnit” that Thomas had been in a relationship with Earl, and when Earl told him they were through, Thomas acquired a bottle of poisoned moonshine and left it for Alberta, who drank it and killing her. As we now know that he was the “T” who’d left a note to Earl in a cases of whiskey, putting in writing his intent to get rid of Alberta so they could be together, we can assume that this was something he’d been planning for a while, and had acted on the opportunity that had presented itself that night.

• “Mother, what do you think I should do? Should I marry this girl? Is she the one?” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Whoa! Okay, I will marry her.” (Season 2, Episode 12)

Nigel first appears in ‘D&D’ in the year 1777, through the spyglass of a living Capt Isaac Higgintoot, who demonstrates the use of his new invention for spying on officers of the opposing British forces.

At the modern day Woodstone, Sam discovers that Nigel’s ghost, along with ghosts of two enlisted members of his company, are residing in a dilapidated shed on the property. Thinking that the living (Sam) who sees them is intent on damaging the integrity of their abode, Nigel confronts Sam at the home, who is happy to allow the shed to stand and the removed door be replaced. Sam soon discovers that Nigel has been visiting the Woodstone, and negotiating the peace with Isaac, off and on for over two centuries.

Seeing a mutual attraction between the two, Sam encourages Isaac to reveal the ‘secret’ he has been carrying some 250 years regarding Nigel. He does so, confessing he was the sniper who accidentally shot and killed Nigel in 1777. A furious Nigel storms off at this news, leaving Isaac distraught at Nigel’s reaction. Later, Nigel returns to the Woodstone, proclaiming that they are taking over the Woodstone based on the the actions of ‘war criminal’ Isaac in shooting him. Ever the diplomat, Isaac says that if words of negotiation will not work, he and ‘his army’ will defend Woodstone to the ‘bitter end.’ The two opposing forces then move into a futile conflict (a shoving match), most likely due to their ethereal status as ghosts.

When it’s evident their ‘battle’ is failing to achieve their ends, Nigel laments they need something that will resemble real combat, and a board game of ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ is offered up.

In their misery in playing the game, Nigel and Isaac come to terms with what happened in 1777 and their relationship is restored.

In ‘Thorapy,’ it is revealed that Isaac and Nigel have been meeting daily, to walk the grounds and discuss the peace. When Nigel gets word that the ghostly residents will have to surrender their rooms, Nigel invites Isaac to join him in the shed. Shocked at this invitation, Isaac beats a hasty retreat, and later, as a cover for his growing relationship with the British commander, makes a failed attempt at seducing his new roommate Hetty. Later, Isaac confesses to Hetty his affection for Nigel but tells her he is not ready to tell Nigel himself of these feelings.

The last time Nigel appears in Season 1 is in ‘Farnsby & B.’ Using references to ‘Hamilton,’ Hetty convinces Isaac to reveal his feelings to Nigel. When Isaac heads to the shed where the British soldiers are residing, Jenkins tells him that Nigel has been ‘sucked off,’ leaving Isaac grief-stricken.

The episode ends with a furious Nigel storming through the front door of the Woodstone to confront an astonished and confused Isaac. Nigel accuses Isaac of ‘gallivanting’ with ‘his bearded floozy,’ a lie told to him by Jenkins. When Isaac denies the accusation, Nigel tells him that Jenkins and he had a brief tryst 150 years ago and had never gotten over it. After a brief exchange, in which Isaac initially seems indifferent to going beyond a friendship, Isaac tells Nigel, ‘I like you,’ with Nigel replying, ‘Well… I like you too, Isaac.’

Season 2 found Nigel dividing his time between the mansion and the shed. While Thorfinn’s loud and enthusiastic ways are a bit much for Nigel initially, the two grow to bond over the ants in the basement (‘Spies), and later, the ants in the shed.

For the Woodstone Halloween party (‘Halloween 2: The Ghost of Hetty’s Past‘), Isaac invites Nigel to attend with him, who gets the added bonus of being introduced to Isaac’s ghostly power, which Isaac quickly blames on Pete. When Isaac uses his odiferous talent to help stop Jay in order to save Sam from the vault, Nigel tells Isaac he’s disappointed that Isaac couldn’t tell him the truth but expresses admiration that his ghostly power can ‘affect worldly matters.’

As Nigel and Isaac’s relationship grows, so do the complications, with the American Revolution still being one of the major sources of conflict between the two. Nigel subtly voices his objection to two areas of American policy as Sam interviews Isaac, of which he notices and gently confronts Nigel on later. Nigel remains staunchly Loyalist in explaining his opinions, but later agrees with Isaac not to talk about the Revolutionary War, but argue, they do, over where to take their daily walks and even still, the argument goes back to the Revolution. The episode ends with the couple back together, but agreeing to disagree.

The 2022 holiday season brings a dramatic turn to Nigel and Isaac’s relationship. In a beautifully decorated Woodstone (‘The Christmas Spirit: Part 1‘), Nigel’s attention is drawn to a mistletoe when he and Isaac find themselves beneath it. When it looks like they will finally kiss, Isaac gives him a palm-in-the-face, at which time Nigel tells Isaac he is not ready. At the end of the episode, Isaac is given a revelation about his forgiving wife. With that assurance in hand, he goes to the shed and in a commanding and passionate way, kisses Nigel.

As Nigel and Isaac begin dating, and spending more time together, Nigel’s former lover Jenkins reveals to Pete and Thorfinn that the two ‘liasoned’ on Christmas Eve when Nigel and Isaac were temporarily apart (‘Trevor’s Body’). When Isaac tells him of what Jenkins said, Nigel responds that the two were temporarily broken up and on a respite at that time. Nigel tells a furious Isaac he injured his pride, but doubles-down on his ‘respite’ claims. Later, Isaac, in order to get Nigel away from Jenkins, invites Nigel to move into the mansion. Complications arise when Nigel moves in. When learning of Isaac and Hetty’s ‘weekly ponder,’ Nigel asks to join the two (‘A Date to Remember‘). Nigel then hosts a welcome tea to formally introduce himself as a new Woodstone occupant. When the tea party is thrown, and no one arrives, Isaac confronts Hetty, who had thrown a rival party to spite Nigel, because of her jealousy of Nigel’s growing relationship with Isaac. While the two apologize in Isaac’s presence, making him think the two have made peace, the two parties are in fact, at war over a clueless Isaac.

As season 2 progressed, Nigel has grown to become one of Isaac’s biggest sources of support. He celebrated when Isaac’s book was ‘published’ (‘Isaac’s Book’) and stands by him when Isaac insists on being given half of the proceeds of the advance from the book (‘The Heir‘). He also is spending more time with the other ghosts during their discussions, and played a part in helping solve Alberta’s murder (‘Whodunnit’).

Things become more complicated in his dealings with Hetty when Nigel and Nancy discover Hetty and Trevor about to engage in ‘amorous congress’ in the basement at the end of ‘Isaac’s Book.’ When asked by Hetty what it will take to buy Nigel’s silence, he asks for Trevor’s room (‘Alberta’s Descendant’). Later, to achieve an advantage over Nigel — and to preserve her relationship with Trevor — Hetty reveals to the group of her romantic relationship with Trevor, to Nigel’s chagrin (‘Alberta’s Descendant’). Later, tensions seem to be thawing when Hetty and Trevor and Isaac and Nigel share a double date and begin bonding over tea (‘Woodstone’s Hottest Couple’). Later in the episode, Hetty can be found venting to Nigel and Isaac about Trevor.

In the final episode of Season 2, a pivotal change occurs in Nigel and Isaac’s relationship as Nigel becomes distressed over Isaac wanting to buy a daybed from his share of the advance for the book. When Isaac asks Nigel to make him ‘the happiest ghost on the entire property,’ Nigel accepts the proposal and the two become engaged.

• Nigel enjoys watching ants (‘Spies’) and is excited about co-habituating with roaches (‘Trevor’s Body’).
• Nigel’s ant-watching club meets Wednesdays, Saturdays and whenever Sam brings over an apple core (‘Trevor’s Body’).
• Nigel tells Isaac he has webbed feet (‘Halloween 2: The Ghost of Hetty’s Past’).
• Hetty called Nigel a ‘filthy little teapot’ in response to his knowledge of her and Trevor’s involvement with one another (‘Alberta’s Descendant’).
• Nigel was a witness to Al Capone being stopped from drinking the poisoned liquor the night Alberta was poisoned in 1928 (‘Whodunit’)
• Nigel calls Paul Revere a ‘treasonous scoundrel’ (‘Trevor’s Body’) and laughs at Isaac’s comment about Ben Franklin’s physique (‘Alberta’s Descendant).

In “Ghost Father of the Bride“, Crash‘s head is found! At some unspecified point a year ago, Crash lost his head. It was found in a hollow tree on the grounds, leading to an investigation to uncover the culprit! After a solid day of questioning all of the Woodstone Ghosts, Isaac presses Flower into confessing to the crime. Later, however, when Alberta questioned Isaac about a detail he mentioned that wouldn’t have been privy to if he hadn’t been in the room, he finally confessed that he’d done it himself to make an amusing diversion to pass the time.

We next see Crash sitting with Flower, watching tv together when he tells her how much he missed her and starts singing a song he wrote for her. Flower responds by removing his head again and tossing it out the window!

• In ‘Pilot‘, Crash is portrayed by Hudson Thames. Crash returned very briefly in the background in ‘Halloween‘, without being credited. To the delight of fans, Crash is back in ‘Trevor’s Pants‘ but it’s actor Matt Kayes who is playing the character’s body for this episode. If this name or this face means something to you, it’s normal: Matt Kayes  was already in the series once; he played one of the paramedic in ‘Alberta’s Fan‘ (screen capture 1, screen capture 2). Alex Boniello is the third actor to play Crash in the series, in “Ghost Father of the Bride“.

• “Hiya, toots!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “Oh, yeah! Feels good to be reunited with the ol’ bod. Everything’s copacetic now!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “I was sittin’ alone one night, watchin’ the boob tube, when all of a sudden, someone grabbed my head from behind. I was like, ‘Hey! What’s the big idea?’ I couldn’t see who it was on accounta they had me by the back of my ‘do. They carried me out to the woods, and threw me in that tree stump! That was a year ago.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “That’s a big no, daddy-o. Everybody loves the Crash!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “Definitely not Flower. Before I got stumped, we was making it. Necking like nobody’s business!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “You know, when I was in the stump, I thought of you all the time. I even wrote a song for you. Wanna hear it? sings Feeling cold, shooby doo wop wop, In the tree, shooby doo wop, I thought about you, shooby doo wop, Bein’ with me…” (Season 2, Episode 19)

Elias is a haughty, pompous, unrepentant man of many vices. He was also terrible with money; bribing the local priest to “guarantee” him passage to heaven, paying a mob to break up a union that had formed in one of his factories, and spending $5,000 (in 1890s money, that would be near a million today) on a fancy pocket watch. He is demeaning to Hetty, and women in general, often citing their supposed inferiority.

Elias died from being locked in a secret vault he had built, due to a question of payment as well as the paternity of the builder’s child, as Elias and the builder’s wife had been having an affair. Upon being released, in “The Vault”, Elias walks through first a catering assistant and then Liz, a friend of Sam and Jay who is getting married at the B&B the next day. In both cases, it causes the women to flirt with the first man they see, leading to some uncomfortable situations.

Elias soon realizes that his “obedient wife” is nowhere to be found and in her place is a woman who speaks her mind to him. He decides this terrible change is the influence of Sam and is determined to get rid of her for good by ruining the wedding. He walks through Sam and Jay, causing them to flirt hard with the groom, leading to the dissolution of their friendship, and losing them as clients.

Having done his worst, Elias gloats, and in doing so reveals that he has a very precious timepiece on his ghostly person, which Sam realizes means that the real watch must be on his corpse! Jay reluctantly gets it off of his body and the Livings will use it to make payments on their debt and will not have to move (yet!)

Elias isn’t finished, though, he vows to cause sexual chaos no matter what event is held at the B&B, determined to run them out of business. Hetty makes a final plea for him to try to change and grow, saying that having known her fellow ghosts as well as Sam and Jay has helped her change for the better. Elias scoffed at that suggestion and vowed to never change. To which his wife tells him that in that case, he can go to Hell. The next moment, a glowing red hole opens in the floor and Elias is sucked down into it! Much screaming ensues!

In “Weekend from Hell“, Elias returns on a 48 hour furlough for good behavior. While here, he wishes to secure Hetty’s forgiveness for his numerous misdeeds. If she forgives him, he gets a reprieve from Hell and may return to the Woodstone Mansion.

He initially appears contrite and wishing to amend his ways, but that act soon falls apart when he tricks Pete into selling his soul in a nefarious deal. Pete’s only hope now lies in Hetty signing Elias’ forgiveness contract in exchange for his soul.

They quickly discover that despite her agreement to do so, Hetty can’t sign his forgiveness contract if she’s not sincere. He therefore begins enumerating all of his acts against her and apologizing for them to win her true forgiveness. Eventually, Hetty finds that it’s better for herself to forgive him. Her signature works, Pete is released from his deal, and Elias is released from Hell. However, Sam reminds him that if he misbehaves, she will have Thorfinn throw him back in the vault! A fate worse than Hell!

As Jay is presenting a meal to an esteemed food critic, Elias makes the announcement that he is returning to Hell because it won’t be any fun for him to be under threat from Thorfinn.

The next day as the portal to Hell reopens, Elias bids them all farewell, but makes one last attempt to snatch Pete! Pete, however, remembers Thorfinn’s self-defense advice and breaks free, sending Elias back down to Hell by himself!

• “Sweet lord, I’m finally free!” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “My corpse? It is. The only thing that kept me company while I was locked in there for the last 130 years. Not much of a talker, though.” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “The vault maker locked me in here. He left me to suffocate. His wife and I had grown close. And when he finished the vault, there was a debate over payment and the paternity of his son…” (Season 1 episode 13)
• (To Alberta) “Now, how doeth you, madam?” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “Let me put it to you this way, I ate meat several times a week.” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “So, did anyone else from our day stick around as a ghost? Like, oh, I don’t know, say, the maid? Just to name someone randomly.” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “First off, everybody fun had syphilis!” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “Get your spatterdashes off my table! I had it upholstered with the hide of a white rhinoceros I shot in Kenya!” [re: white rhinos being extinct now] “Really? We got them all! Bully for us!” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “Aw, are the poors gonna have to leave? That didn’t take long. I’d tell you exactly how long, but unfortunately this [pocketwatch] doesn’t work anymore. You’d think for $5,000 it would last into the afterlife.” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “As long as I’m here, they will never host a wedding that I don’t turn into an all-out orgy. And I won’t stop there. Whatever they host, I’ll make it horny. Funeral? Horny. High tea? Horny. Baptism? Ravenous thrust-fest!” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “I want you Livings out of here. You have corrupted my Hetty!” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “There is no good or evil, that’s just a story we tell ourselves, and I know better.” (Season 1 episode 13)
• “I’m back!!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “I’ll need you all to reintroduce yourselves. I wasn’t listening last time because I didn’t care. But that was the old Elias. The new Elias sees you all as equals. Even the women.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “It’s hot, the devil’s mean, and are you familiar with that rock band Chumbawumba? They play it on a loop and it does not grow on you!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “There was no accident, dimwit! That email was fabricated by the boys in the home office!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “Hell is mostly emails and Zooms that should have been emails.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “You should be [scared]. You’re not going to do well down there. Your soul is pure like a baby’s. In fact, if I do end up having to go back, I’ll be hailed as a trophy hunter for bringing you with me.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “What’s the matter? Did your female brain forget how to write?” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “I lost your family china in a poker game and blamed it on the valet.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “Once I partook of all of your cocaine and replaced it with wig powder.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “You have no idea what you’ve just done! I’m going to wreak havoc on this house! Horny, horny havoc!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “I have an announcement. I’m going back to Hell. I can’t be in my best behavior all the time, living under threat of this beast throwing me in the vault. I’ve got to be myself. And so, tomorrow, when the portal opens up, I shall return to the underworld.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
• “You fool, you’re coming with me!” (Season 2, Episode 17)

When Sasappis first told his father of his desire to be a storyteller, he was not supportive initially, stating that he was worried that his son may not have the gift of storytelling. Native people did not record their histories in writing but rather in pictures and in the memories of tribal members. Stories were often how histories were passed down through a series of trained individuals who were selected in their youth. This was a great responsibility and only reserved for those who had the gift. Naxasi said that he too wanted to be a storyteller but did not have the gift and did not want Sasappis to experience the same disappointment. He instead encouraged his son to try something safer, something that he was already skilled in, like hunting or fighting. Sasappis tells Sam that he too experienced fear of failure because he allowed his father’s fears to transfer onto him, causing him to be fearful prior to his first time telling stories at the Fall Harvest Ceremony. When Sasappis tells his father about his anxiety, Naxasi explains to him that he initially was discouraging because of his own failure at storytelling. He states that he didn’t have the gift, but that his son did and that he knew this because he watched him grow up. He then gifted his son an eagle feather representing bravery and courage to help Sasappis overcome his anxiety.

• Naxasi is actually played by Román Zaragoza (Sasappis) real father, Gregory Zaragoza.

Molly is a pretty young Irish woman who’d worked as a maid at Woodstone Mansion in life. Her husband had died working in a mill owned by Hetty and Elias. She was repeatedly taken advantage of by her employer, but she put up with it simply to keep a roof over her head and to care for her child.

She was quite happy with her afterlife, describing it as “remarkable” and “perfect all the time”, but said that she couldn’t go into greater detail or else she’d melt.

Being dead also appeared to free her tongue in regards to how she spoke to Hetty, telling her what a cruel boss she’d been, something she certainly wouldn’t have dared say to her in life. While she was trapped in the vault with Hetty and Sam, she revealed that she never seduced Elias, but rather he’d pursued her. She was delighted to hear that Hetty sent him to Hell and in turn she revealed that she’d given Elias syphilis rather than the other way around.

Molly had apparently led a good and fulfilled life, because she’d been sucked off after her death, but was called back against her will during a Halloween seance.

When she and Hetty see each other, they waste no time picking up exactly where they left off over a century ago. Hetty is furious that Molly had been allowed to ascend while she stayed behind, despite Molly being “the adulterer” and Hetty having remained faithful.

Molly is no happier to be faced with her old employer.

In order to get them to talk to each other about their problems, Sam takes Flower’s advice to lock them in a room together until they can sort themselves out. The only room they can to that in is the vault, built out of a material impenetrable by Ghosts. Unfortunately, Flower accidentally locks Sam in with them, endangering her life in the process!

Now all locked in together, they have no choice but to actually talk things through. Molly reveals to an incredulous Hetty that she wasn’t Elias’s seductress, rather that he’d pursued her against her will, but she felt like she couldn’t refuse and still keep her job. As a young widow with a child to take care of, she didn’t have many options in life. These revelations helped Hetty soften toward her as they drew on their common ground: hating Elias! Hetty bragged that she’d sent her husband to Hell, while Molly replied that she’d given him syphilis! The two gleefully bonded over this.

The two women finally get closure and Molly is sucked off again at Sam and Jay’s reverse seance.

• What the Hades?? (Season 2, Episode)
• No, I’d like to leave and go back to the place where everything’s perfect all the time. (Season 2, Episode)
• I may have been a harlot, but what about you? You were a cruel and vindictive boss! (Season 2, Episode)
• You think I seduced him?! Well, he perused me! I wasn’t interested, but I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything! (Season 2, Episode)
• I gave him syphilis! (Season 2, Episode)

Bjorn is a Viking ghost, dressed in leather and animal pelts like his father. Also like his father, beneath Bjorn’s rough and forbidding exterior is a good and loving soul. Originally incredulous about why Sam could see and talk to him, he seemed eager to tell her his story to pass along to his long-lost father. He had made the long journey to find out what happened when he never came home. Bjorn even kept Thorfinn’s parting gift that he gave him as a child, a keen dagger and leather sheath.

Growing up without his father’s influence, he was never taught to hate Danes, and so married a Danish girl, Alma.

Across all the obstacles that separate them, Bjorn wanted nothing more but to see his father again and tell him he loved him.

Much to Thorfinn’s dismay, it’s revealed that Bjorn married a Dane, the sworn enemy of their people, and gave his three children Danish names in turn. Despite what was originally perceived as an act of great betrayal, father and son shouted their love for each other across the property lines that separate them.

• “In Odin’s name, how can you see me?!” (Season 2, Episode 6)
• “I’m Bjorn. I’m from the land of Norvegr. I died on this property many, many moons ago.” (Season 2, Episode 6)
• “(re: Thorfinn) Big man? Beard? Abandoned by shipmates? It is he who I came looking for. You see, I am his son.” (Season 2, Episode 6)
• “Hello! Bjorn is here! It is Bjorn! Tell him I’m very excited!” (Season 2, Episode 6)
• “Hello! Father? Are you still there? What did you want to say? I love you, too! (gleefully) Yes! Yes, great talk!” (Season 2, Episode 6)

Jessica is very pretty, apart from the bloody head wound and glass shard from her accident, and wasted no time flirting with Sasappis. The interest proved mutual and they struck up a quick acquaintance. This relationship continues in “The Family Business“. They meet up in the car while Freddie is working to chat and eventually kiss.

Unfortunately, after she tells Sasappis about a few attractive male ghosts she knows, he becomes jealous and storms off. He later returns to apologize. She assures him that she’s not seeing anyone but him and he promises to trust her.

Jessica appears to be the most recently dead of all the Ghosts. She died in a car accident following brunch with her friends. Originally claiming that Freddie killed her in a hit-and-run and threw her body in the woods, it’s later revealed that she had been driving under the influence and hit a telephone pole. Freddie bought the car at a used car lot afterward. Her ghost power is the ability to set off the car’s alarm since the keys were in her pocket when she died. Since she died in a car accident, she remains bound to the car and a 5 foot radius.

“Ghost Hunter” opens up with the reveal that Freddie sold his old car that Jessica was bound to, so she and Sasappis pressure Sam and Jay to buy it back so they can be together. After realizing how dull it will be to spend her afterlife parked in the yard, she and Sasappis eventually realize that she’s better off on the open road with the musician who bought her car.

• “I’m a car ghost. I died in a car accident so I’m bound to this car. Well, this car and about one, two, three, four…this car and about a five foot border.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• To Sasappis, who asked if Freddie delivers pizzas. “ALL. THE. TIME!” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Sorry, I died buzzed. I was coming from a bottomless mimosa brunch with my bitches.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Well, they water the drinks down, but if you drink twice as many…” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Yeah [Freddie]’s the best. Although, um, if he’s working here, there’s something you should know. Um, he killed me.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Well, I flew through the window and he dumped my body in the woods so, yeah, I think he noticed. But I hear he types like a hundred words a minute so that’s cool for you.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Maybe we’ll still see each other if your Livings, like, order a burrito or something.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Can totally see where you guys are getting confused. See, what happened was after I was hit, I flew through the windshield and the force of the accident made Freddie’s keys fly up and land in my pocket.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• “Okay, you know what, I’m too buzzed to pull off these lies. Freddie didn’t kill me. I was driving the car, and I ran into a telephone pole, which came out of nowhere. And Freddie bought the car used a few years ago.” (Season 2, Episode 11)
• re: what French fries were like, “Salty, crispy, totally delicious. I used to get them every night after bar close. I’d just take off my heels and walk through the drive-thru. Everyone hated that.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Yeah, this is one of the downsides to being a car ghost is that I’m sort of at the mercy of his schedule. (over Freddie singing along with the turned up radio) AND HIS PLAYLIST!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “In retrospect, yeah, probably should’ve taken a cab to the bottomless mimosa brunch. Well, you live and you learn. Or, at least you learn.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Mostly it’s just me and Roger. He was a leatherhead football player back in the day. Died running into a goalpost. And he’s just absolutely ripped. He’s really funny, too.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “There’s this one other really cool ghost who haunts the mom’s house, so that’s nice. His name is Chad and he also died in a car-related incident. He was was doing a charity car wash for his firehouse, and then he got hit by a driver who got distracted by his washboard abs.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Are you jealous?! Okay, you know, I really don’t like this side of you. Freddie and I have been listening to podcasts about toxic relationships and I’m starting to see some signs.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
• “Please, Sam, you gotta step in! What Sas and I have is magical!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “Like I’m a dog she’s taking on a walk? So it’s less good, than a dog, my situation?” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “And it’s not really fair for me to force you to hang out with me here in the driveway all the time. And to be honest? I miss the road.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “I’m gonna get to see a lot of the country. And he really likes KFC so I have good smells coming my way.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
• “I said you’re really special!” (Season 2, Episode 13)

George is the cheerful Ghost of a 17th century Puritan who, along with Bjorn and Judy, haunts the nearby Farnsby home. His accent indicates he is likely an immigrant from England. He is also gay and is very enthusiastic about finding a partner.

• Chris Eckert is a longtime friend of Sheila Carrasco‘s (Flower).

• “Yes, well, when I died and didn’t immediately go to heaven, I reconsidered some things. I’m a bad, bad boy now! And I want to hear what you’re wearing, sir!” (Season 1, Episode 14)
• “What did you say about an ‘oily lad’?! Describe him… slowly!”(Season 1, Episode 14)

Judy Farnsby died quite young, as seems to be common with Ghosts. She’s a brassy-voiced 50s housewife with strong opinions on how her son lives. She loudly disapproves of him selling her things at his yard sale, as well as being part of a swinger society. Blaming herself and her absence from his life, she’s frustrated at what she’s made to witness.

• “Holy Toledo, you can see me?!” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• “Did the actor from Bedtime for Bonzo really become President in the 80s?” (Season 1 Episode 18)
• “No, you got rich by inheriting all of my money after I died!” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• “It’s because they’re swingers. That’s right, my son’s a pervert. Sicko!” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• “Where did I go wrong?!” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• “Oh, how I hate the first Wednesday of every month!” (Season 2 Episode 6)
• “Oh my god, are you whining to your daddy?!”Mockingly “Daddy! The mean 50s housewife is being mean to me! WAAAAHHHH!!!” (Season 2 episode 11)

David was one of Trevor‘s coworkers and friends, of unsavory habits and boasting a party boy attitude like the rest of them. He was described by Hetty as being kind of a louse. The most compassion that he’s shown for his friends was when he suggested they call an ambulance when Trevor died of a drug misadventure at Woodstone Mansion. This suggestion was dismissed.

The night comes, and David opens Woodstone’s secret drug drawer announcing, “The game is pill roulette.” You pick a color and take one and see what happens. Trevor wants a green one for T-Money but there isn’t one so he grabs both a blue and yellow pill to make green. It’s the night Trevor died of a heart attack, without his friends making anything but dumping his body in nearby lake.

We find out in “The Heir” that Ari had dared David to dip his testicles into hot coffee, sterilyzing him from that day forward. This was an important piece of information, since it was later used to disprove Kelsey‘s claim to Woodstone Mansion. David, relating this story as a ghost to Sam, bore Ari no ill will for the incident, treating it as one of their many boyish pranks.

He died having an aneurysm while in the intimate company of a stripper at a seedy strip club. He admittedly enjoys his afterlife, and even asks Sam if she’s sure that this wasn’t heaven. It’s clear that he didn’t live much longer than Trevor, as he looks just the same as how he appeared in “Trevor’s Pants“.

•  “You’d better get your buzz on, too, Pinkus. It’ll help you stay warm during the Run of Fun.” (Season 1, Episode 16)
• “All right, ladies, time to take this night up a notch. Name of the game is pill roulette. Take one, find out what happens.” (Season 1, Episode 16)
• “I CAN’T HANDLE GOING TO THE SHERATON!!” (Season 1, Episode 16)
• laughs) “He’s for sure gonna get hypothermia. Have fun!” (Season 1, Episode 16)
• (re: Sam) “Check it out, Schmitty, new talent. Wait, are you a ghost?!” (Season 2, Episode 22)
• “So this chick just shows up out of the blue and says she’s my daughter?” (Season 2, Episode 22)
• “She can’t be mine, I’ve been shooting blanks since 93. I dipped my balls in a scalding hot coffee pot!” (Season 2, Episode 22)

Carol Martino is both jovial and sentimental: happily sharing stories of Pete and Jerry‘s misadventures in their younger days, as well being deeply touched to receive her late husband’s treasured scout manual. She new what all he put into it and seemed pleased to have a piece of him back to remember him by. Their marriage wasn’t as perfect as it appeared, however, when it’s revealed that she’d been seeing Jerry behind his back. Troubled by the heaviness of carrying that guilty secret for so long, she was visibly moved when Sam found a passage in Pete‘s manual about the emphatic importance he places on forgiveness. (from “Pete’s Wife“).

It appears that Carol is not without enemies within her friends group. When the Ulster County Zoning Board got an anonymous tip that their deck wasn’t permitted, Carol instantly “knew” who it must have been! One of her friends who didn’t get invited to the wedding! Neither Sam nor Jay did anything to dissuade her from that assumption, since they were the ones who really did it. Carol is highly opinionated about everything to do with her daughter’s wedding, making decisions in advance before she got there. Unfortunately, these ideas run counter to what Pete had hoped for, leading to frustrations to mount. She seems to scorn her daughter’s career (and women who have careers in general), especially because it made her late for the wedding planning interview. (from “Ghost Father of the Bride”).

From “Halloween 3: The Guest Who Wouldn’t Leave”, Carol is accidentally invited to Sam and Jay’s Halloween party, which she says she was so touched to be included in. She came wearing a headband with cat ears and bearing gifts of doughnut holes (unknowingly infuriating Pete).

She is very chatty and keeps looping around the party to share her various anecdotes, much to Sam‘s dismay. She is so animated to be at the party that she doesn’t even realize that she’d died moments after arriving by choking on a fateful doughnut hole. Unaware that nobody can see or hear her, she flits through the room, trying to engage with anybody.

In “The Silent Partner” she makes the greatest character change that I’ve noted. In “Pete’s Wife”, she appeared repentant and regretful of her affair with Jerry, but in this episode she doesn’t seem so anymore. She proudly lauds her knowledge of cheating (while pretending that it was gleaned from her soaps) and even says that the guilt isn’t as hard to deal with as the logistics.

Carol is an elderly woman. She first appeared in “Pete’s Wife” when Sam asked her to come to Woodstone Mansion to collect Pete‘s old Pinecone Trooper manual after Pete had voiced his wish to see his wife one more time.

When Carol arrives, she comes with Jerry, her second husband and Pete‘s old best friend. Both of them have fond memories of Pete and even brought his old favorite bench as a gift for Sam and Jay. During their visit, Carol confesses to Sam, Jay, and the gathered Ghosts (including Pete) that she and Jerry had been having an affair while Pete was still alive. It appears to do her good to get that off of her chest and they continue with their dedication to Pete‘s memory. After she says a few words, and Sam offers some comforting words about forgiveness from Pete‘s manual, Carol guiltily spoke aloud to Pete, little suspecting that he was there to hear her. (While he said he forgave her in that moment, later episodes show that he still harbored anger and resentment toward her.) Immediately after this, Carol and Pete‘s daughter, Laura arrived to take part in her father’s memorial, and brought along her young son, whom she’d named Pete!

In “Dumb Deaths”, we see in a flashback to the day Pete died that she had (as Pete had previously recalled in “Pilot”) eaten all of the doughnut holes before his scout outing, and preferred them to doughnuts despite Pete‘s insistence that they were the same thing. This will continue to be a point of contention between them throughout the rest of the show.

In “Ghost Father of the Bride” we find out that Sam and Jay have been added to the Martino family newsletter email list, through which Carol reveals that Laura is getting married. She comes to the house to begin planning the wedding. She insists on orange being the chief color and vetoes any music by ABBA, much to Pete‘s dismay. It’s revealed that she rolls her own cigarettes. After Jay forged Pete‘s writing on one of the pages of the Pinecone Trooper manual, she threatens to have the wedding elsewhere and remove them from the family newsletter. It was only after Sam used one of Pete‘s words, “kooka-luka” that Carol and Laura relented and agreed to have the wedding at Woodstone.

In “Halloween 3: The Guest Who Wouldn’t Leave”, Carol arrives at Woodstone Mansion when she was invited by mistake to a Halloween party hosted by Sam and Jay. Moments after arriving, she helps herself to a doughnut hole and immediately chokes on it. Her Ghost, however, remains, completely unaware of what happened. It was only after being ignored by everyone at the party except for Sam, seeing her hand pass through a chair, and then finally seeing the Ghost of her husband that she realizes that she’s dead! After a few moments of alarmed screaming, she ends up taking the news fairly well, even joining in the other Ghosts’ séance to summon Flower.

In “The Silent Partner” Carol is getting settled into her afterlife, learning about how the Ghosts socialize and that the contents of her purse that she died with may be considered valuable to the other Ghosts. She tries to pass on her knowledge about cheating (which she claims she learned from soap operas) to Pete when he pretends to be seeing Alberta and Nancy at the same time. He eventually calls her out on her indiscretions while they were alive and tells her the whole Alberta-Nancy story was a ruse.

She begins a relationship with Baxter and they immediately fall in love. She moves into the shed with him and they end up getting married at the end of “Isaac’s Wedding.”

• “You know, this reminds me of that old hotel we stayed at for Hooper’s wedding…. and you drove a golf cart right into the pond!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
• “He’s offering you meat, Jer.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
• “It’s kind of overwhelming being here. Where…the whole thing happened to Pete. It’s just…there’s something weighing on me. Something shameful, regarding Pete. I want to get it off my chest. Sometimes it’s easier to say these things to strangers. Jerry and I were having an affair while Pete was still alive! Truthfully, I think Pete knew.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
• “Pete was one of a kind. He was the cornerstone of the family. He was so reliable. He was always there for everyone. You could always find Pete whenever you needed him.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
• “Oh, Pete…I know you can’t hear me, but I just want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I would never want to hurt you.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
• “That’s wrong [that doughnut holes are punched out of the doughnuts]! You see, doughnut holes come from their own machine!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
• “I know exactly who it was! Jennifer Dobson from down the street. I ran into her at the Cracker Barrel and she made some remark about not getting invited to the wedding. I just can’t believe she would do something like this!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “For the color scheme, I was thinking orange. Jerry went to Syracuse, we really love orange.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “Pete! Did you call the permit office about the deck?!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
• “Happy Halloween! Meow! I’m a cat!” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Funny story. I hate doughnuts, but I love doughnut holes. Oh, no, no, no, they come from a different machine.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Point me to the dance floor. I’m ready to get out there and boogie.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Funny story. I hate doughnuts, but I love doughnut holes. Oh, no, no, no, they come from a different machine.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Point me to the dance floor. I’m ready to get out there and boogie.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Well, well, well. Looks like we’re finally alone. And I have 42 Weight Watchers points left for the day!”(Season 3, Episode 4)
• “You guys win the costume contest! Nice fabric! Got to say, you do not see that on a ream at JoAnn’s.”(Season 3, Episode 4)
• “I’m telling my Daryl Hall story. He hit on me once at a Safeway!” (Season 3, Episode 4)
•  “ALL SCREAMING….SCREAMING CONTINUES…” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Did I…choke on a doughnut hole? I don’t like doughnuts. Doughnut holes are made from their own material”(Season 3, Episode 4)
• “I don’t understand. We can walk through walls, how come we don’t fall through furniture?” (Season 3, Episode 4)
• “Anyway, what about you, Pete? Are you dating anyone? I know this can be a little awkward to talk about, but it’s been 40 years. It’s okay if you’ve moved on. In fact, it would be weird if you hadn’t.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “Let’s see…tissues, receipts, some candy, my keys…” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “I’m just…I’m really confused. What about Alberta? I have to say, I am shocked. I just never thought of you as the cheating type.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “I might be able to help you out there. I know a thing or two about affairs. Well, I don’t know from experience, obviously, but I watch a lot of soap operas.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “A lot of people think the hardest part about cheating is the guilt, but in my experience—uh, watching soaps—the biggest issue is logistics. So you need a good cover, something innocuous that you can tell Alberta that you’re doing when what you’re really doing is Nancy.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “I actually left the basement and moved into the shed with Baxter here. Doesn’t he sound like James Bond?” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “Everybody! Baxter and I have an announcement! [Baxter chimes in that they’re getting married]” (Season 3, Episode 10)

Saul is a very suave, handsome, charming man who hits it off right away with Alberta. He wows her with the story of his death and the two are immediately infatuated. They fall into an easy repartee and share a magical evening together while Gene sleeps, unawares. He has a very smooth, poetic way of speaking that injects a laid-back yet emphatic rhythm into his words.

Seeking a moment “alone”, or as alone as they can be while attached to Jay, Saul and Alberta cuddle on the couch. When Alberta supposes that what they have “might” be real, Saul quickly insists that it is, and in a long soliloquy, he describes wanting to remain with Alberta forever and ever for a thousand generations, reattaching himself to a new host as each previous one dies. All the while, he peppers her with affectionate pet names.

Saul takes Alberta calling things off with him in good grace, recognizing that he’s always been too clingy and even wonders if that’s why he’s the sort of Ghost he is. At the end of the day, Saul is all too glad to go back to Gene, who was a much more interesting and well-traveled man than Jay is.

While sharing a date with Alberta that evening, the two discover that they knew some of the same places and people when they were alive, and reminisce together before becoming even more intimate.

The next morning, reluctant to part with Alberta, Saul reveals that it’s possible—although painful—for him to jerk himself off of the person he’s tethered to and onto another. After a mighty struggle, he successfully removes himself from Gene and attaches himself to Jay, much to Jay‘s dismay when it’s revealed to him. That night, Saul and Alberta try to have another romantic rendezvous, but are thwarted when they disturb Sam and Jay. They plead with Sam to go to another part of the house so they can canoodle unseen. Sam eventually relents and allows them to continue without her there.

The next we see Saul, it’s the next morning and he’s fast asleep next to Jay on the couch while the two Livings decide that he has to find a way to leave Jay and attach to someone else.

When prompted about where his favorite places to travel were, Saul tells Sam and Jay about a small, picturesque, Italian town in the mountains where a lady hand-rolled pasta every day in a restaurant there.

As physically attached to Jay as Saul is, he’s grown even more metaphorically attached to Alberta, vowing to remain by her side for all eternity. He assures her that the pain of being without her is far greater than the pain of jerking himself off onto a new host.

Shortly after this, Jay takes Saul to the library in hopes of appearing more interesting. When they return, Alberta tells Saul that they need to talk, that their relationship isn’t going to work because he’s become too clingy too fast for her comfort. They part on good terms and Jay drives him back to Philadelphia to reattach to Gene.

• “I am a poltergeist, which is a ghost attached to a person instead of a place” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Until one day, we were up against the Connecticut Quahogs, and I was hit in the head by a yakker. And it was lights out!!! For ol’ Saul Henry.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “You see, Gene here’s a dentist who likes to travel the world and take beautiful photographs. But of all the exotic locales I’ve been to, why, you’re the most breathtaking sight I’ve ever seen.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Well, you know something, you’re kinda cute when you’re mad.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Actually, there is another way. It’s extremely painful but if I can focus hard enough, I can actually sort of jerk my body off of one host and onto another.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Do we shower in the morning or the night? You know what? Saul loves a surprise!” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Your Livings here are trying to tear us apart by bribing me to move to Italy.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “I mean it, you don’t have to worry now, I’m gonna be with you forever. Even when Jay gets old and dies, I’ll simply jerk myself off onto someone else. And then the next guy, and the next guy… … …and the next guy for a thousand generations. Just so I can stay with you. Nothing compares to the pain of being away from my cuddle muffin.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “So, what is it, my little slice of angel food cake?” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “You think I’m clingy, don’t you? Dammit, Saul, you done done it again! You know, some ghosts theorize that us clingers are doomed to this existence because we get too attached. I totally get it, Alberta, and I appreciate your honesty. I just wish I’d known before I left Gene. That man took me to see the northern lights last year and Jay’s taken me to Sonic three times this weekend.” (Season 3, Episode 7)
• “Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m already back on Gene. Now that is a clinger!” (Season 3, Episode 7)
  

Patience is a strict and severe Puritan from the 17th century. So much so that she was cast out of her community. During her century-plus long exile in the dirt, she became even more peculiar, according to Isaac, having gone mad/feral during her long time alone.

After her initial threatening posturing, however, Patience seems truly happy to see Isaac and admits to considering him her friend. Similarly with Sasappis, when she dragged him into her cave as well. She told them then her intention to keep them in her cave for the rest of eternity.

Amid her evident madness, she seems to be genuinely fond of them. When she overheard them talking about how crazy she is and mimicking her speech, she is truly hurt and betrayed. This leads her to bring them back to the house so she may continue her solitary existence rather than have her supposed friends prove false again.

At the end of “Patience”, the house ghosts all decide to form a human chain to find Patience in her cave, knowing now that she lives underneath the fountain in the front yard, less than 50 feet away from the house. Sasappis and Isaac apologize for their mean behavior and tell her that she is their friend and they want to bring her back with them to the house, pleasing her greatly.

In “Sam’s Dad” and “Halloween 4: The Witch”, Patience has shown a penchant for meddling in the affairs of the Living, wishing to extend her own moral code to the others under threat of her retaliation. Others have humored her and gone along with her wishes either out of fear of her bleeding walls ghost power, out of sheer boredom, or in Isaac’s case, the desire to court favor with her.

After the witch trial against Sam reached its climactic conclusion, Isaac tried to lure Patience into distraction with a reality television program. Proving that no ghost is immune to the intrigues of trashy dating shows, Patience is drawn right into the drama—to bear witness, as she maintains.

Later, Isaac threatens Patience with blackmail, regarding her enthralled reaction to the program as well as a spirited dance she did to the tune of a medication commercial, to convince her to overturn Sam’s sentence.

Even when it is revealed that Sam had not been turned into a statue for her crimes of witchcraft, Patience remained smug and haughty to the end, shortly before announcing that she must leave the house and return to the dirt, to escape the many temptations of the house. The others offer half-hearted urgings for her to stay, but she only remained firm that she must go back to “the others.”

At some point in the past, she died from blood-letting. She remained as a ghost and met Thorfinn, Sasappis, and Isaac. We don’t know much about what their relationship was, but she at least considered them her friends.

In 1894, Isaac fell down a hole on the Woodstone property, leading the others to join him as they attempted to pull him out. They struggled to free themselves for nearly a year before deciding to brave the expanse of dirt between their hole and the basement of Woodstone Mansion. They all took hands and formed a human chain so they wouldn’t get lost. Unfortunately, Isaac suffered an ill-timed sneeze, and in covering his face he let go of Patience‘s hand, losing her in the dirt to wander in the endless darkness.

Flash forward to present day.

On Isaac and Nigel‘s ill-fated wedding day, as the DJ tested his sound equipment, the noise led Patience back to the house where she met the basement ghosts. Disgruntled that they’d been excluded from the wedding, they decided to lure Isaac down to the basement and telling Patience that he was there. At the first opportunity, she snatched him through the wall into the dirt!

After confronting him in her cave, Patience swears to push him deep into the dirt so he may endure a century of suffering as she did. She has also gotten into the habit of exclaiming her own name as well as referring to herself in the third person.

Isaac attempted to trick Patience into taking him home by saying that he was lonely, but she solved that problem by snatching Sasappis as well. She admitted that she’d never had such friends as when they were all trapped in the ditch together, and seemed happy to be with them both again after all those years alone. She decided then and there that the three of them would spend eternity together in her cave.

Patience leaves the cave to wander the dirt as is her habit, and when she returns, she overhears Sasappis and Isaac mocking her behind her back. Angry and betrayed, Patience vows to take them into the dirt once again!

They all pop out in the basement, where Patience tells them that they’re free to go. Sad that her supposed friends never really liked her, she decided to return to the dirt, alone, and leaving the others free.

Much to her surprise, in a touching moment of doing the right thing, the ghosts all formed a human chain to find her and bring her back to the house. That night, we find her settled in in Alberta‘s room.

In “Sam’s Dad”, Patience finds adapting to life in the house to be difficult, accusing most modern amenities, like the toaster and the stove, as the work of the devil. According to Alberta, her reluctant roommate, that on top of all her other oddities, Patience snores.

Disapproving of the fact that Sam‘s father and his girlfriend share a bedroom while unmarried, she writes the word “Sin” in blood across their bedroom wall. She would have written “Sinners” but she ran out of blood.

In Halloween episode “Halloween 4: The Witch” she is appalled to learn of Sam‘s history of conducting seances on Halloween night, and uses that as further proof that Sam is a witch. With Isaac‘s help, she convinces the rest of the ghosts to hold Sam on trial for witchcraft. It wasn’t too difficult to turn them against their Living friend, since they were all disappointed that the Livings had canceled Halloween festivities and were holding a yard sale to rid the house of many of Hetty‘s belongings.

In her element as judge and prosecutor, Patience authoritatively lists Sam‘s many perceived crimes of witchcraft. All too easily, with only two exceptions, the ghosts were disgruntled enough to vote her guilty.

After the ghosts regretted convicting Sam, Patience chided them smugly that it had been their own doing, satisfied that justice had been done. Once Sam was found to be perfectly all right and not at all affected by their witch trial sentencing, Patience decided that she could no longer stay in the house, lest she fall to further temptation. Casting a cryptic remark about returning to “the others”, she takes her leave, but with an open end that she may return someday.

• “God bless you!” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “What? But I’m the most pious among us! Who experiences less joy than I? Who is more severe?” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Then fine! I shall start my own colony, where there will be no smiling, no laughter, and all of the handles of the butter churns shall be rough-hewn, so that thoust shall feel the pain of sin with every stroke!” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Patience! Patience!” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Tis from the bloodletting that killed me” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Surprise! Thou didst say thou missed thy friends. Now tis problem solved!” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Isaac didst inform me how much you searched for Patience, all those years ago. Twas a relief on account of how I did see thee as friends. Oh, I never had such friends as in the ditch! And now we have another chance!” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “It took me a century to get my bearings here in the dirt, so don’t you go wandering off, lest you be lost forever. Cackles madly” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “I wanted to be nice. But nobody’s nice to Patience. There’s only one thing to do, yes, one thing to do! Take thee into the dirt!” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “Tis mine own fault for thinking you actually liked me. Patience shall return to her one true friend: the dirt.” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “You came back for me?” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “One last question for thee. What is thy favorite color?” (Season 4, Episode 1)
• “The bread hath returned from the Underworld, singed by Hellfire!” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “They are to share a bed? Tis most disgraceful. This is an abomination, and Patience will not stand for it.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “I will not countenance sin taking place in the home in which I dwell!” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “And thus, two sinners saved from the thorny vine of lust that snake up from the Underworld” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “How wonderful. Well, they should head to the matrimonial bed and multiply forthwith” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “Evil walks among us. The one you call Samantha, who can summon the dead and predict the weather, she must be held to account. Hence, we will try her as a witch.” (Season 4, Episode 3)
• “She speaks of levitation!” (Season 4, Episode 3)
• “And lastly, what of her ability to speaketh to all of ye? She walketh amongst the living yet speaketh to the dead! And also the toast thing, when she warmeth the bread with the Devil’s tongue?” (Season 4, Episode 3)
• “No matter. I’ve still got the blood thing. Why don’t you go hum about it!” (Season 4, Episode 3)
• “Everyone. Patience hath arrived at a decision. After much praying, it has become clear that I need to return to the dirt. I was tested, and I failed. The aboveground world has far too much temptation. ‘Tis not a place for the pious. It was good to know you. Now I must return to the others.” (Season 4, Episode 3)

Not much is known about Nancy’s living history. Originally from Albany, NY, she was a victim of Cholera and based on the time of the Cholera pandemic in the mid-1800s, she probably lived sometime in the 19th century. After she got sick, she was put inside a pest house, which was meant to quarantine those who become ill with communicable diseases. Nancy is introduced in “Sam’s Mom.” After Sam and Jay leave for Ohio and neglect to leave the remote control within the Ghosts’ reach, Sasappis accidentally reveals that Pete has a thing for Alberta. Pete panics and tells everyone that he has a girlfriend who lives in the basement. To stick with this lie, Pete goes downstairs to ask for any volunteers to play his girlfriend. While the other Ghosts bemoan being upstairs, claiming that the Ghosts up there are mean and rude and that the space is too light and airy, Nancy cheerfully volunteers, telling the other Cholera Ghosts hosts that she does not want to spend eternity depressed, and standing around in a dark, dismal basement and the only conversation among them revolves around the water heater. She makes it clear that while she will help him, she is in no way attracted to Pete. Once she is introduced to the other ghosts upstairs, she creates an outlandish story of how they met and tells everyone how they had been sneaking around for so long. When Pete tries to take her back downstairs, Nancy refuses telling him that she wants to stay upstairs and that he had better get used to her, which at first sounds menacing. As Nancy gets to know the other ghosts, telling them wild, but untrue, stories about her and Pete, Alberta confesses that she wishes she could’ve been treated as well in life as Pete assumably treats Nancy in the afterlife. When Sam comes home, she meets Nancy whom Pete introduces as his girlfriend who stays in his room and states sadly that they are inseparable.

At the beginning of the next episode, “Jay’s Sister,” Nancy wakes up in Pete’s bed, exclaiming how wonderful it was to sleep in a bed. Pete is laying uncomfortably on the floor next to the bed, stating that he could’ve used a pillow. He gets up, obviously sore from sleeping on the floor, and asks Nancy to rub a knot out of his shoulder. She immediately refuses, reminding him that this is a fake relationship and she will not be touching any of his man parts, inclusive of his shoulders. When Pete volunteers to allow Jay’s sister, Bela, who is visiting from out of town, to stay in his room, Nancy gets mad at him and calls him a pushover. Just having gotten used to sleeping on a proper bed, Nancy is determined to keep her newfound comfortable after-lifestyle at all costs and bullies Pete into demanding that one of the other ghosts give up their room instead. She tells him that he shouldn’t always be the one to sacrifice for the sake of the greater good and tells him that if he doesn’t get “their” room back, she will tell everyone their relationship is fake and that he likes Alberta. With Nancy’s support and help, a nervous Pete tells the other Ghosts that he does not want to sleep in the moldy room and asks for one of the other ghosts to take it instead, claiming that it’s time for him to get what he wants for once. However, upon seeing his friends fighting over who will take the moldy room, he becomes concerned which then frustrates Nancy. She claims that he is about to once again give in and let the others get their way. He then tells her that he compromises so that he can model how to be a good friend to other ghosts, as he does not like to see anyone fight. This is not satisfactory to Nancy, as she continues to nag and push him.

Finally, Pete loses his temper with Nancy and breaks up with her, stating that he is done listening to her and tired of her bullying. To his surprise, Nancy is not at all upset but is impressed by his new-found bravado, announces that she is going back down to the basement due to breaking up with her real boyfriend, and tells Pete how proud she is of him for standing his ground.

In “Woodstone’s Hottest Couple” Nancy seeing how distraught Stephanie is about being alone, introduces her to another teenage ghost that stays in the basement named Ralph.

During Flower’s time in the well, Nancy and Thor embarked on an affair. Thor, afraid of hurting Flower, asks Nancy to keep their time together a secret. She agrees but only if Thor does something for her. When Thor finally admits to Flower he and Nancy slept together, she is completely fine with it, stating that she was glad that Nancy was able to comfort Thor thinking that Flower was gone forever. However, when Nancy states that Thor asked her to keep quiet about the affair initially, Flower is disappointed that Thor would disrespect Nancy in such a way and is not sure what to think about their relationship. By the end of the episode, Nancy is in a throuple with Thor and Flower and admits to having slept with Pete’s widow, Carol, suggesting that Nancy is sexually attracted to both men and women.

• Nancy claims that another pit ghost, Stuart, gave her Cholera. However, according to the New York State Department of Health, cholera “is spread by eating or drinking food or water contaminated by the feces (poop) of an infected person. This occurs more often in underdeveloped countries lacking proper water supplies and sewage disposal. It is not likely that cholera is spread directly from one person to another.” So while it’s likely that maybe they ate the same contaminated meal or that maybe he served her contaminated food, it’s less likely he gave her the disease.

• “I am not your kind! I want a better afterlife than this. All you people do is stand around, talking about the water heater… it’s boring!” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Oh no. Do not tell me to calm down! You gave me cholera, Stuart!” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Now listen up, I will help you out but let’s be clear there is nothing happening here, sexually.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Well originally from Albany but then I got sick and they threw me in the pest house they told us was some sort of recovery ward but then they nailed the door shut…that was not a good sign.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “He loves the water heater. He could go on for hours, talking calibration, combustion, and um corrosion, and deliming.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Actually, yeah, I thought I might just maybe stay up here. I mean we might as well stop sneaking around, baby! I spend every night in Pete’s room. It’s out there in the open. I feel relieved everyone can know!” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Sometimes, when we’re doin it, I’ll get on his back like a horse and I’ll steer him around by his arrow.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
• “Wow! I can’t believe you sleep in a bed every night! A girl can really get used to this pillow business.” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Hey, hey hey, you know the rules! This is a fake relationship, so I am not rubbing any of your man parts.” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Oh okay, okay… too good to be a butler! You know when I was alive, women couldn’t even be butlers. You could be a wench, a midwife, or a whore!” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “So you just gave away our pillow palace to some rando sister?… Face it Pete, you’re a pushover. You didn’t give in on one thing, you give in on everything. You told me yourself you never get to pick the movie on movie night. And you’re always the caboose on the massage train. Why can’t it be a circle? That way, everyone gets their man parts rubbed. You start standing up for yourself and get our room back or I will tell everyone that our relationship is fake and that you have a huge crush on Alberta!” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “That’s B.S. You’re just scared of someone not liking you, ya wimp.” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “I’m going back down to the basement cause I just broke up with my very real boyfriend, and also cause you all suck, and I rather be with the cholera pit people! (Quietly to Pete) Proud of you, Petey.” (Season 1, Episode 12)
• “Pine? Are you some kind of idiot, Stuart? Look at the grain.” (Season 1, Episode 18)
• “Hey guys! Listen, you guys gotta do something about your boy, Thor. He’s totally depressed and he’s bumming out the whole basement. And we like to keep it light down there… He moved down there after Pantaloons here told him to get lost because his British boy toy doesn’t want Thor around.” (Season 2, Episode 1)
• “What’s up with Commander Crap over here looking all sad?” (Season 2, Episode 14)
• “Yeah, get some strange! I learned that term from the water heater repairman. It means unfamiliar gentials, huh?” (Season 2, Episode 14)
• “Cool. I’m gonna stick my head in the fridge and smell some cheese.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “I don’t even have shoes. And my clothes are basically a potato sack. I’m just offering a different perspective.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “She’s been trying to break everybody up, except for Pete who has no one.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “Wait a minute. You’ve never met Ralph?”(Season 2, Episode 20)
• “Hey Ralph show yourself! I got someone who wants to meet you!” (Season 2, Episode 20)
• “ ‘Just a basement ghost?’… Real nice Pete, real nice.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “It’s not my job to protect you, Pete. Plus it was a juicy nugget, and after a few hours of water heater talk, you start looking for other stuff to fill your day.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “Pete! Here’s the deal. They got to go… Upstairs used to be the place I could take a break. My respite from those weirdos. But now I have no sanctuary… Look, Pete, no matter what you do, you’re gonna piss someone off. But if you piss me off, I’m gonna spit cholera juice in your mouth while you sleep!” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “What did you just say Pete!? You still wish it was just a basement ghost that got sucked off? I thought we were past this… All right, everyone. Let’s get out of here. Back to the basement we go. Let’s get out of here. They’re treating us like trash. And we’re not trash, right? They are gonna curse your name for the next 100 years, Pete, but I had to do something. I’ll see you guys for Bodices and Barons tonight?” (Season 3, Episode 1)
• “Hey, big guy. I was actually hoping to catch you alone…What Good Luck Chuck thing? I was just waiting a respectful amount of time post-Flower, but, uh cards on the table. I wanna climb that tree. To the top.” (Season 3, Episode 2)
• “And yes, ghosts can have sex. What? She was gonna get there eventually, I thought I’d cut to the chase.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “Aww are we really singing this song again? Why is that always your first move?” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “There he is! My sexy little scoutmaster! Now come on and give mama some sugar… I felt bad so I’m here now. You’re welcome.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “Well, when your heart wants what’s under this sack, you know where to find me.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
• “Well, here’s the deal. You want me to keep silent about our bone fest, it’s gonna cost you.” (Season 3, Episode 9)
• “Oh you are one cool chick! Thor, you got yourself a good one.” (Season 3, Episode 9)
• “I don’t know about completely meaningless… well I’m saying I was happy that you got rescued, but if we’re being totally honest, I was having fun with Thor, and it didn’t feel great when he asked me to act like none of this had happened, like I didn’t even count.” (Season 3, Episode 9)
• “Yea, I dress in a potato sack, but I have feelings. If you cut me do I not bleed? Well, I don’t. I mean, none of us do, but you get what I’m saying.” (Season 3, Episode 9)
• “Not to drag you into our throuples politics, but we’re having a little disagreement about where to sit or stand at your wedding. You care to weigh in?” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “You really should’ve invited us to the wedding, Isaac.” (Season 3, Episode 10)
• “Question: If I’m dead, why does my butt still itch?… What’s upple, throuple? Just came by to see how my better thirds are doing. I uh, learned about fractions during my full year of schooling.” (Season 4, Episode 2)
• “You sniveling, spineless snake! You’re the messenger, you idiot. That’s what you do. You shoot the messenger!” (Season 4, Episode 2)