Pete is excited to announce that Sam received another electronic family newsletter from his daughter Laura. He reminds the other Ghosts that last time they received a letter, little Pete was getting a retainer. Sam wants Jay to feel more included, so she hands the letter to Jay to read to her and the ghosts. Jay asks if little Pete got his Spider-Man retainer, so Sam says they will all find out when he reads the letter to them. Hetty finds this pandering to Jay‘s feelings a little sad, but Jay seems happy with it. Jay starts reading aloud and while Pete is transfixed the mundane details of Pete’s family’s life is of no interest to Hetty. She declares, “This is hell.” Suddenly thunder cracks and a vortex appears in the floor and Hetty’s husband Elias rises from the center. Everyone is screaming except for Jay who cannot see or hear anyone except Sam. Elias announces, “I’m back!” Sam exclaims, “Oh my God!” to which Jay asks if everyone is freaking out about the Spider-Man retainer. Jay says, “I feel so included, thanks Sam.”

Hetty doesn’t understand how this is possible because Elias went to Hell. “How are you back?” Elias replies, “I’m on a 48-hour furlough, my dear. A reward for good behavior.” Jay is still reading the letter, so Sam tells him he can stop. She explains that a portal to Hell has opened in the floor and Hetty’s robber baron husband is back. Jay says, “That sounds bad,” but Elias tells the others that he won’t be walking through any clients this time to make them horny. He’s a changed man, he’s benevolent. He claims that last time he saw them he didn’t care about who they were but he now sees them as equals, even the women. Hetty and Alberta frown but Isaac says, “Oh. Well that is some growth.”

In the kitchen, Jay is making lunch for their guest as Sass, Trevor and Flower gather around him to smell it. Jay, unaware that the Ghosts are present, turns quickly, causing him to walk through Flower. Jay looks up, “Whoa, how’d that rainbow get in here?” Trevor says they better let Sam know that Jay is “tripping balls.“ He has to finish cooking. Sass wants them to just watch and see what Jay does, Trevor agrees.

Elias apologizes to Sam, “For walking through everyone at the wedding you were hosting, causing sexual chaos, threatening your business and your marriage.” Sam thanks him but Hetty doesn’t believe a word, or that he’s sorry. Elias tells Hetty, “What you don’t understand about Hell is that the rumors are true. It is very horrible. And between all that lashing and gnashing, a man gets to thinking.” Thor agrees, torture can change a man’s mind or at least persuade them to give a false confession. Elias says that it’s Hetty’s forgiveness that he’s seeking. She says she’ll forgive him if he will stop talking to her. Elias agrees and pulls some papers out of his pocket. He explains Hetty doesn’t even have to speak the words, just sign that she forgives him. Isaac and Pete are getting suspicious and Isaac asks, “What is this?” He takes the papers from Elias to read them. Isaac says, “This is a contract. If executed by the undersigned, it would release Elias from the permanent bonds of the underworld, and return him to the location of his death.” Hetty gasps. Thor isn’t sure what all that means but Alberta explains, “It sounds like if Hetty forgives Elias, he’ll get out of Hell, but we’ll be stuck with him for eternity here at the mansion.” Hetty is not interested in spending her afterlife with him. She walks out of the room with Elias calling out after her that he’s changed.

Sam walks in to the kitchen to find Jay and the room in disarray. Jay isn’t sure what happened, he kind of blacked out. Trevor tells Sam that Jay got Flowered. When Sam tells him, Jay is concerned because he served food to a guest. Just then that guest comes in to talk about her meal, delighted that it was incredible. She tells Jay her friend is the “Menu Hunter,” a chef with her own show. Jay loves the Menu Hunter and he and Sam watch her every week. Her lunch was so good that she called her and she wants to come up later today and try it. Jay is thrilled but he doesn’t remember what he made. Sam asks the ghosts but they only remember it was chicken.

Alberta asks Elias what it is like down in Hell. “Well, it’s pretty much what you would think. It’s hot, the Devil’s mean, and… Are you familiar with that rock band Chumbawamba?” They all say, “No.” “They play it on a loop, and it does not grow on you.” Sam comes in to tell Pete they just got another family newsletter. He’s surprised to get two in one day. “Oh, my God,” Sam gasps. “Little Pete was in an accident. He’s in critical condition.” Pete asks what happened but it only says he’s in the hospital in critical condition. They are asking for prayers. Pete says that he wishes there were something he could do so Elias steps in. “I hesitate to say this, but there is a service Hell provides for situations like this. Little Pete could be saved but it would cost you your soul.” Pete says he’s in, but Isaac says, “Whoa, hold on. What does that mean?” Elias explains, ”Well, it’s the classic ‘sell your soul to the Devil’ situation. When I go back, Pete would have to come with me, long story short, Little Pete would be fine, but you would suffer eternal damnation.” Pete agrees. “A simple handshake will do…” Sam tries to stop him but Pete takes Elias’s hand while the others tell him to stop. Thunder cracks. Pete asks Elias if that’s it and if Little Pete is ok. “He’s fine. He was always fine,” Elias laughs. “What does that mean?” Hetty asks. “It means I tricked Pete into selling me his soul.” He turns to Pete, “There was no accident, dimwit. That email was fabricated by the boys in the home office.” Sam is puzzled. “You can send emails?” “Yes, Hell is mostly emails and Zooms that should have been emails.” Alberta is upset, “Oh, Pete, this can’t be. You’re going to Hell.” Pete agrees its not great news. “Although, you do like bad boys, right?” Alberta tells him she still thinks they should stay friends. Hetty is furious. “Elias, you let poor Peter out of this deal at once. Look at him. He will not survive a minute down there.” Elias says that if Hetty will sign his forgiveness contract, then he will release Pete’s soul from eternal damnation. Pete is thrilled there is a way out! He tells her to just sign it. Hetty is not thrilled with that idea at all.

The Ghosts are all staring at Hetty now. Isaac says, “Hetty, you’re not seriously considering sending Pete to Hell just to avoid forgiving Elias? I mean, yes, it would be nice to not have to hear another camping story, but this is a little extreme.” Hetty feels trapped. If she forgives Elias then she’ll be stuck there with him at Woodstone for eternity. “That would be like sending myself to Hell.” Pete is starting to really freak out. “Right, but the Hell I’m going to is actual Hell, where the streets are paved with fire and the chairs are made of bees.” Elias tells Pete that isn’t accurate and Hetty tells him he should have thought of that before he made that deal. Sam tells Hetty that she didn’t want Elias there either. She’s trying to run a business and doesn’t need horny guests, but they are talking about Pete. Pete walks up to Hetty and says, “Please, Hetty, I’m scared.” Elias tells him, “You should be. You are not going to do well down there. Your soul’s pure like a baby’s. In fact, if I do end up having to go back, I’ll be hailed like a trophy hunter for bringing you with me.” Pete says there’s a compliment in there somewhere. Elias asks Hetty if she can forgive him. Alberta says, “Hetty, I get not wanting this creep around, but you cannot let Pete go down on us. No one wants to see that.” Hetty agrees to sign the contract. Pete breathes a sign of relief.

Sam goes back to the kitchen to check on Jay and finds him struggling. He can’t remember what he made. Trevor said that studies showed that if you drank the night you study for a test, then you need to also drink for the test. You need to be in the same drug induced state. He thinks what Jay needs is another hit from Flower. Sam is against it but Jay thinks it’s a great idea. He’s desperate. Flower says that Jay needs a muse so she’s happy to do that for him.

Elias shows Hetty where she needs to sign the Forgiveness Contract, but Hetty makes it clear that although she will sign it, she doesn’t actually forgive him. Pete thanks Hetty for saving him an eternity in Hell by signing the form but Hetty informs Pete that she wants his TV time for the rest of the year. Isaac objects but Hetty insists. Alberta tells him, “Well, if she’s gonna do it, she’s gonna do it her way.” Pete agrees. Hetty tries to sign the contract but the pen won’t write. Elias asks, “What’s the matter? Did your female brain forget how to write?” Hetty retorts, “No, much like your own proverbial pen, this one doesn’t work.” Elias scribbles on the contract and it works but it won’t work for Hetty. Isaac grabs the Contract, “Let me see that again. Oh, dear, that’s right. It says right here, ‘said forgiveness must be offered in all sincerity.’ Emphasis mine.” Hetty has to actually forgive Elias, and mean it, to be able to sign the contract. Pete looks worried but Hetty rolls her eyes. “OK, fine. Elias Woodstone, I sincerely forgive you.” She tries again to sign the contract with no luck. Pete is scared now, “Forgive him Hetty. Forgive him!” Hetty keeps trying but the pen won’t write. Pete says, “I can’t go to Hell. Elias said my soul’s too pretty.” Isaac tells everyone to calm down. Elias just has to do whatever it takes to earn real forgiveness from Hetty. Hetty looks at Elias and then back at Isaac, ”That’s gonna be a very tall order.”

Jay tells Flower to, “Hit me.” It’s a good hit because as Jay settles into a chair, the table and room feel like they’re moving. Jay grins, “Hello, Flower.”

Elias, sitting on the sofa with Isaac and Alberta, is listing all the things he did wrong to Hetty. Some she knew, others she didn’t. Sam comes in the room and they fill her in on what’s going on. Pete turns to Thor for help. “OK, Thor. Looks like I might be going down there. Sounds like there are some rough types. Any self-defense tips?” “Eye gauge and genital punch. Those are your new best friends, Pete.” Sam tells Hetty that she understands how hard it is but that she has to find a way to forgive Elias. “Pete’s entire afterlife is riding on this.” Hetty explains that it isn’t that she can’t forgive his actions, it’s that signing this contract and releasing him would make him happy. She doesn’t want him happy, he doesn’t deserve it. Alberta stands up, “But you do. Look, I’ve been with my share of no-good men, and something I wish I figured out when I was alive is that sitting around, fixating on them, it doesn’t hurt them. Trust me. They don’t care. It only hurts you.” Hetty gasps softly as Alberta’s words sink in. She walks over and takes the contract from Elias. “Elias, I forgive you.” She is able to sign her name. Pete is excited, “So I’m not going to Hell!” Elias tells Pete he is released from their agreement. Thunder claps. Pete won’t have to punch anyone in their genitals. Hetty tells Alberta that she had been skeptical, but a weight has been lifted. Elias laughs. “You have no idea what you’ve just done. I’m going to wreak havoc in this house. Horny, horny havoc.” Sam says she doesn’t think that will be happening. Elias asks who will stop him. Sam replies, “My muscle. Thor, if Elias does anything wrong, you throw him in the Vault.” Thor replies, “Gladly.” Elias says that would be worse than Hell.

Sass comes in and tells Sam she’s needed urgently in the kitchen. Jay is wandering around trying to find Flower so he can run through her again. Flower is tired of dodging his attempts.  Jay tells Sam that getting stoned wasn’t working. He needs more inspiration for the Menu Hunter. Sam calms Jay down, reassuring him. “You don’t need Flower. You’re a great chef.” Jay fears that he’s not good enough. Sam uses Star Wars analogies to convince Jay he can do this. It works.

The Menu Hunter arrives and is seated at the dining room table. Isaac explains to the others that if she likes what Jay makes for her, she’ll feature it on her television show. Jay comes out with lamb chops he has made and puts the dish down before her. The Menu Hunter says that they can call her Susan.  Jay says that he invented these lamb chops just for her. Elias comes in and announces that he is going back to Hell. Everyone is surprised and Sam can’t help calling out. So she quickly covers by asking Susan how her lamb chops are.  Hetty asks Elias what he’s saying and Elias explains that he can’t possibly be on his best behavior all the time and he can’t go back in that Vault. Tomorrow he is going back to Hell. Jay, who can’t hear any of the conversation with Elias, asks Susan what she thinks of his dish. She says they are about the best lamb chops she’s ever had. Elias tells the others that since he’s going back to Hell again anyway, he purposefully proceeds to walk through Susan. She instantly becomes horny and indulges in her lamb chop dinner in an exaggerated sexual manner.

The next morning they all gather to wait for Elias to return to Hell. Jay gets the play-by-play from Sam as he can’t see any of what’s happening. The portal opens in the floor and the Ghosts pull back in fear. None of them are taking any chance of being too close. Trevor hears the song Elias told them about playing down below and asks, “Is that Chumbawamba? I love that song.” Hetty thanks Elias for going to Hell, even though he did it for his own reasons. Elias reaches out his hand to Pete who takes it to make peace. But Elias calls him a fool and laughs at him,  telling Pete that he’s taking him with him.  Pete freaks out as the others are frantic for Elias to stop. Thor yells, “Remember your training, Pete!” and Pete gouges Elias’s eyes and punches him in the genitals. Elias drops down into the portal and disappears. They all breathe a sigh of relief as Trevor softly sings the words of Chumbawamba, “I get knocked down but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down….”

coming soon…