Pete

Pete is a loveable and gentle storyteller who just wants everyone to get along. To help reduce the boredom of eternity, Pete is a self-appointed activities director and sets up clubs and lectures for the ghosts.

Played by: Richie Moriarty
Family members: Carol (his wife), Laura (his daughter), Pete (his grandson), Sal (his uncle), Brian (his Son-In-Law), Debbie (his adventurous cousin)
Abilities: Maintaining House Harmony, Knowledgeable in outdoor activities (archery, knot tying), Basketball and Pop Culture Knowledge, Expert in Dungeons and Dragons
Ghostly Ability:
Occupation in life: Scoutmaster, Travel Agent
Cause of death: Arrow through the neck (shot from a young female member of his Pinecone Troop.)

Personality

Pete is a very friendly, outgoing, and compassionate man. It’s rare to catch Pete without a smile on his face alluding to his can-do attitude. And even when things do not go as planned, he is resilient and always tries to look on the upside of any situation. For example, he constantly points out the way he died as being unpleasant, but he still doesn’t allow it to damper his spirits.

Sometimes his kindness gets misconstrued for being a pushover or a people pleaser, as Pete often compromises to the point of his own exclusion. Although the ghosts do take him for granted, he reasons that he is modeling for them because he believes they have good in them, even if they haven’t changed their ways in almost 40 years.

In “Ghost HunterPete is accused of being a coward when he refuses to check out Freddie’s ghost trap after Isaac delegates him to do so, and after one of Jay’s dice lands on his number (Trevor had decided to push a dice over and assigned each ghost a number, six being assigned to Pete). Once both Thor and Flower get trapped in the device, the other ghosts blame Pete for his inactions, to which he at first agrees. Feeling guilty about his inability to act before, he bravely volunteers to go into the trap as the threat of evisceration creeps ever so near. Once inside, he finds Thor and Flower kissing and acts quickly to help them escape. In doing so, Pete discovers his inner courage and feels he may be capable of anything.

Pete is a sports fan, his favorite being basketball. During the course of the season thus far, he has also made references to following baseball and tennis. He has begun a routine of watching basketball games and talking basketball strategy and history with Jay, being particularly knowledgeable about 1980s basketball. In “GhostwriterPete becomes jealous when Jay invites the contractor Mark to watch the Syracuse ball game with him while Pete was watching as well. He believes that since Jay has found a living human to watch the games with, he will no longer want to watch with Pete since he is not able to see Pete. However, Flower, who played basketball as a kid and young woman and who is very knowledgeable about the game, offers to watch the game with him instead. He refuses stating that it is something he only wishes to do with Jay. He is dismissive of Flower each time she offers which frustrates her. She confronts him later in the episode, telling him that he was disrespectful to assume that Flower may not have been good company with which to watch the game. She then proceeds to school him about the history of basketball in addition to players from the 1940s and 50s of whom Pete was unfamiliar. Pete learns to be more mindful of the words he says and how he treats his friends when he is frustrated or upset.

Pete is also a very loyal and patient man. He was married for 16 years before being “felled by a little girl’s arrow.” He is the kind of man to stand up for his friends and to make sacrifices for the happiness of others. We can assume that Pete was the model scout leader, taking the oath of the Pinecone Scout very seriously and carrying around his trooper handbook wherever he went. He highlighted such traits as friendship and forgiveness and strives to live his afterlife accordingly. However, his ability to forgive was tested in “Pete’s Wife” when he learns that his wife was unfaithful with his best friend while he was still alive. He becomes understandably angry and hurt and is unable to believe anything that his wife says during the small memorial that she and his former best friend, now her current husband, have for them on the property grounds. The ghosts, Jay, and Sam also attend. To help Pete deal with his anger, Sam reads a passage from his old trooper handbook, emphasizing how important it is to forgive. By the end of the episode, although still angry and hurt, Pete is able to forgive his wife Carol which helps him move on. He also sees his daughter Laura for the first time in 37 years and “meets” his grandson, Pete.

In “Attic GirlPete tries to convince Stephanie, the teenage ghost, to invite Sam to the prom by telling her about Sam’s own experience with her prom. He believes that in confiding this information to Stephanie, he will change her mind and decide to invite Sam to prom. However, Stephanie uses this information to further humiliate Sam by having Alberta order baguettes to be delivered to the house, further hurting Sam. Pete is disappointed that Stephanie was mean to Sam as he had told her that story in hopes of making Sam feel better.

Pete is quite nervous in asking Alberta to the ghost prom in “Attic Girl,” suggesting he still has feelings for her. They end up going together and share their first dance.

Pete has grown quite fond of Jay after discovering their shared love of basketball and Dungeons & Dragons, and considers him to be a close friend. He does not like Mark very much.

Pete is a self-described adventurer who loves nature and the outdoors. Despite his cause of death, Pete had extensive knowledge about camping and other outdoor related skills, such as archery. Pete also was well versed and trained in first aid and could act quickly and accurately in emergency situations. Ironically, he is a rather cautious individual who prefers to refer to a handbook or a manual before attempting anything new. His love of adventure is what attracted him to Dungeons & Dragons in life and helps explain to Sam, who doesn’t understand why Jay is as attached to the game as he is, how players can develop a deep attachment to their character. He plays D&D with Jay with the translation assistance of Sam and we can assume that because Alberta and Sasappis are playing too, that Pete may have taught them as well.

While Pete still harbors strong feelings for Alberta, he is still hesitant to tell her how he feels. Furthermore, he attempts to cover up any indication of those feelings around the other ghosts and the livings. It is clear that he may fear that his feelings may be unrequited as Alberta has yet to admit that she might have romantic feelings for him.

It could be said of Pete that he enjoys a good joke, moreover a good “dad joke” and often laughs at anything that uses a clever pun or a play on words.

In “Dinner Party” he remarks that he has had Improv training, and in “A Date to Remember” he put on a one-ghost improv show for Thorfinn and Flower’s date.

As the series progresses, Pete’s personality is becoming a bit more complex. In “Sam’s Mom”, Pete lies about having a girlfriend in an effort to thrawt attention from his real crush on Alberta. He then proceeds to adopt a fake girlfriend in Nancy to prove his lie to be true, even deceiving Alberta that Pete and Nancy are in fact in real couple. In “Jay’s Friends”, his roommate, Sasappis, asks him to tone the everpresent cheeriness down and Pete does more than comply. He does a complete 180 and presents a more dreary, constantly brooding persona. While it is not clear that Pete does this to oblige with Sasappis request due to his tendency to be loyal, or to teach him a lesson about attitude, or if this is just a part of Pete he has yet to put on display, it is clear that there is much more to him than what meets the eye.

In the second season, we have discovered that Pete was quite the musician in life. He sang Baritone in a Barbershop quartet, and he played the oboe.

Pete takes a very cautious approach to things. He’s not a fan of rocking the boat or causing any disruptions to avoid something terrible happening. In “The Liquor LicensePete is the only one who disapproves of Sam choosing to host a Whiskey tasting since they have yet to accrue their liquor license. He warns of certain harm to their business and possible legal troubles if she should choose to continue with her plans. In “Ghost Hunter” when chosen to test out the ghost trap, he refuses, even when his number comes up on the dice that Trevor rolled to keep things fair. He feels a tremendous amount of guilt after two of his friends become trapped in the device and Sam’s actions lead to possible evisceration. At the end of both those episodes, Pete learns that sometimes it is okay to take risks and that one can never experience anything if one never does anything. He faces his fears which helped him discover the courage he never knew he had.

Pete cares deeply for his family, especially his daughter and grandchild, and is willing to do anything for them. In “Weekend from HellPete is easily tricked into selling his soul to Elias in what he believed has saved his grandson. However, his grandson was never in danger.

In life, Pete was a pretty handy guy. It is revealed in “Ghost Father of the Bride” that he built the deck at his house. However, as much as it is against his character to be organized and “have all his ducks in a row” Pete showed some procrastination when going to get the deck permitted. He neglected to do so which, 40 years later, put a dent in his daughter’s plans to get married there.

We also see a smaller manipulative side to Pete. While he is not normally a selfish man, he is desperate to see his daughter get married. As someone who loves his daughter very much, and willing to do anything to see her get married, he admits that when he built the deck at his house, he did not get the proper permits to do so, and suggests that he can use that information against Carol to convince her to move the wedding to the Woodstone.

Pete also struggles with handling conflict and does not like for folks to be mad at him.

Being a man with a high moral compass comes with its challenges for Pete. While he does not like to do anything that may result in conflict with another, he also seeks to do what is right and honest at all times. In “Man of Your Dreams” he learns of the power of his roommate, Sasappis, who is able to enter the dreams of those around them and then influence them. He repeatedly tells Sass that what he is doing is wrong and proceeds to tell those around him, who then do not share in his disappointment. This frustrates Pete, especially when they use that information to have Sass forward their own desires into Jay’s subconscious. However, when Sasappis learns from Jay of the hurt he’s caused a man who only hoped to get to know the Ghosts like his wife can, he agrees to make it right and apologize much to the support and relief of Pete.

While Pete has verbally stated that he has forgiven his widow for having an affair with his best friend, it is clear from his behavior that he still harbors a grudge about it and it may imply that even though on the surface Pete is a happy go luck kind of fellow, he might not be so easy to forgive and forget. His anger and frustration is put to the ultimate test in “Halloween 3: The Guest Who Wouldn’t Leave” when his widow dies after showing up to the Woodstone Mansion uninvited and chokes to death on a donut hole. He is furious that he has to now share a space with the woman who broke his heart and wonders what he must’ve did in life to allot such a punishment.

History

Born in either 1944, or 1945, Peter Martino, a child of divorce, was a devoted husband and father, licensed travel agent and scout leader of a girl’s troop. He enjoyed adventures and spending time with his family and friends. At the time of his untimely demise, had been married to his wife, Carol, for 16 years, and had one child, a daughter named Laura. He was deeply knowledgeable about the outdoors and loved nature and camping. He possessed various skills such as archery and knot tying and knew a lot about movies and tv shows, especially those that were popular during the 80s. He loved sports and followed at least three of them- basketball, baseball, and tennis. He also was a bit of a nerd who enjoyed Star Trek and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Pete also enjoyed bowling because “you never break a sweat, you do it with friends and you get to high-five all of your opponents all the time!” He also sustained a neck injury while bowling stating that he slipped, fell and hit his throat on a bowling ball.

Pete’s nickname in high school was “Injured ThroatPete and stated that while the nickname might have been given to him as a form of bullying, he actually enjoyed the nickname stating he was “all in.”

Pete had a pretty severe shellfish allergy in life and had to constantly carry an epi pen with him in case of accidental exposure or consumption.

On that fateful afternoon in 1985, Pete had planned to teach his troop all about archery. He was about to review important safety rules pertaining to using a bow and arrow when one of the troop members shot him directly in the neck. Since his death, his ghost has been trapped on the grounds of the Woodstone Mansion and thus has been unable to see or watch over his family and has no idea what have been up to for the past 37 years. He is one of the two ghosts, so far, whose family is still alive. While Pete was very knowledgeable about overall outdoor safety and first aid, he recalls that he put himself in the line of danger that fateful day because his mind was still flustered by a fight he had had with his wife, Carol, earlier that day regarding her eating the rest of his donut holes.

Pete has been a long time basketball fan and commented that three years before his death, there was a man named Michael Jordan who played for the University of North Carolina and won the NCAA championship. However, he was adamant that Jordan probably did not go on to do much else, stating that he probably ended up in finance.

Pete was on his junior high basketball team and was pretty good until he sustained a neck injury in the first game when he was hit with the ball directly at his throat. He also was hit in the neck with a basketball during a Harlem Globetrotters game.

After Sass blurts out that Pete has a crush on Alberta in front of the other ghosts in “Sam’s Mom” and seeing that Alberta may not feel the same way, Pete panics and claims that he has a girlfriend who lives in the basement with the other Cholera ghosts. After the ghosts say that they want to meet her, he goes downstairs to ask for a volunteer to be his fake girlfriend; only one ghost agrees, Nancy. Nancy is a loud-mouthed, very charismatic and opinionated ghost who immediately takes to the role of Pete’s fake girlfriend. She is so enamored with the idea of being out of the basement that she decides to stay upstairs for a while, putting Pete in a bind as he has to now spend more time with her, something he was not planning on doing. In “Jay’s SisterNancy gets upset with Pete for willingly giving up “their” room for Bela when she comes to visit. She calls Pete a push over, pointing out his constant willingness to bend over backwards to please the other ghosts while no one ever returns the favor. He never gets to pick the movie on Movie Night and is always the caboose in the massage train.

In their final confrontation, Pete explains that he gives in so readily so as to be a model for the rest of the ghosts on how to be a team player and to be less selfish. He then tells her off and impressed with his new-found courage, Nancy breaks off the fake relationship and goes back to the basement. The confident Pete then tells the rest of the ghosts that he is taking the moldy room and he doesn’t want to hear no one say anything about it.

It quickly becomes apparent that behind their polites “Midwesterners” (as said by Pete who spent 18 years in the travel agency) façades, they are critical of everything they encounter.

In the season two premiere, “SpiesPete warns Sam and Jay to be careful with their first guests Debby and Tom. From he’s 18 years of experience in the travel agency and according to he’s feelings, he thinks that behind their polite “Midwesterners” façades the guests might pretend everything is fine and then criticize them and give them a bad review after. It won’t be long before we realize that Pete‘s first impression was true.

In “Alberta’s Podcast,Pete along with Sasappis, Trevor, and Sam are listening to a true crime podcast about the mysterious disappearance of a woman named Hailey. After Alberta and Issac enter the room, and Sam explains to Issac what a podcast is, Pete suggests that Sam start a podcast in an effort to solve Alberta’s murder. When Alberta reacts positively to Pete’s suggestion, he responds that he is always thinking of her. Embarrassed, he immediately follows up with the fact that he has other interests as well, indicating that Pete’s feelings for Alberta are still present and may in fact be growing stronger. Pete is accompanies Sam when she goes to check on Alberta and is encouraging and supportive when Alberta displays her more vulnerable side for the very first time.

Following the opening of the B&B, Pete and Sasappis have continued to room together. Each morning, Pete provides Sasappis with a cheerful wake-up call, and in “Jay’s Friends” it’s no different. He wishes him a happy 3 month anniversary, remarking that this is another beuatiful morning in eternity. Sasappis is visibly annoyed by this and encourages Pete to put his overwhelming positivity to the side. Pete is disappointed by his request, but sees this as an exciting challenge.

Later, when Sasappis checks in with Pete, he finds him brooding by a window. Pete greets him ominously and remarks that he has adopted a sullen outlook on life as requested. When Sasappis responds that he doesn’t know what to say, Pete suggests that he must miss classic Pete and wants him to come back. However, Sasappis pleased to see this new side of Pete and thanks him for adhering to his reequest, frustrating Pete that his initial plan did not work.

Pete’s negative energy is felt throughout the house. Faced with a possibly legal battle ahead of them, Sam begs Pete for some of his positivity and can-do attitude. He refuses to help, stating that he has changed, that he is “dark” now. Looking brielfy at Sasappis, he goes on to explain that life is meaningless and full of suffering. When Sam decides that she will try to reason with the cult members so as to avoid a legal fight, Pete scoffs at the idea, sarcastically agreeing that cult members are definitely known for their ability to reason.

Pete’s sour outlook comes to a head when Sasappis finds Pete yet again staring out of another window. Pete remarks that he is looking at a “stupid sunset” and that he is definately not enjoying what so ever. Sasappis admits that he was wrong to ask Pete to change his personality. He states that all the talk about eternity as of late got him thinking that perhaps being around for 500 years has gotten to him. When he asks how Pete always stays so positive all the time, Pete acknwoleges that he hasn’t been in limbo for as long as Sasappis, and that he tries very hard to stay positive. He highlights the sunset and that while it might be repetitive, there’s always one every once in a while that is amazing.

In life, Pete owned his own business, presumably the travel agency he worked for and thus has a deep understanding of the struggles that Jay and Sam are experiencing in the first year of their new bed and breakfast business.

Pete’s feelings for Alberta are still present and getting stronger by the day. After she advises him that it’s good to take risks every now and then because it makes life more exciting, Pete gets the courage to go in for a kiss. However, Alberta blocks him telling him that his ability to get over his anxiety is a proud moment for him and that she wants him to acknowledge that instead of seeing her rejection as a moment of defeat.

As a child, Pete was bullied often by his classmates and while his mother tried to comfort him, his father was emotionally distant and encouraged Pete to respond more aggressively to his bullies. This caused Pete distress since he did not feel comfortable doing that and grew frustrated that his father wouldn’t listen to him.

This, however, should not discourage him, for in “Alberta’s Podcast“, we learn that Pete and Alberta may actually have something important in common. He states that he too is a singer, and in life was in a barbershop quartet and recognizes Alberta’s comment about Clara’s inability to hit a high C as a “burn.”This admission of him being a singer makes this one of the more recognizable things that Alberta and Pete have in common.

Pete was married to his wife in either late Spring, Summer, or early Fall of 1971. Although the month is not specifically mentioned, he states that it was hot, in listing all the excuses his wife most likely gave for avoiding sleeping with him on their wedding night.

Pete is a member of the “Ant-Watching Club” started by Nigel and Thor. His interest in ants, anything else nature carries over into his afterlife from his love of the outdoors during his lifetime.

In “Issac’s Book,” Pete is recruited by Thor to help him learn to curb his anger and respond to things in a calmer manner.

In “Ghost Father of the BridePete learns through his family’s newsletter emails that his daughter, Laura, is getting married. Bummed he is not able to be there, he asks Sam to reach out to his family to perhaps convince them to host the wedding at the Woodstone. When his widow initially refuses, Pete tells Sam that he has some information that she could use to get Carol to change her mind. Before building that deck, he neglected to get the proper permits. And as the structure is not permitted, such an offense is taken very seriously in Ulster County, he tells Sam to anonymously report it.

Pete is elated when the anonymous tip works, forcing Carol to relent to having Laura’s wedding at the mansion. His excitement is short-lived, however, when he finds out that his daughter was not able to come to make all the arrangements for the ceremony, sending her mother in her place. Everything that he suggests through Sam is immediately written off by Carol who forces her will on just about every aspect of the wedding. Pete is frustrated that Carol has not changed and states that because she could never compromise during their marriage, it made their marriage very, very difficult. The one argument that he has a hard time dealing with is that Carol says no to having lilies be in the floral arrangements. Pete states that including lilies is very important to him. And of course, Carol rejects that idea too.

Pete is frustrated and blames Sam for not trying hard enough to convince Carol to yield to at least one of his ideas. When she asks why lilies in particular are important to him, he tells the story of a time during Laura’s early childhood when she pretends to get married to her stuffed bear. He readies to walk her down the aisle but before he does, Laura reminds him about the flowers. He recollects those flowers as lilies before stating that she says that they are the most beautiful flowers in the world. When Sam states that that story would mean so much more coming from him, and after Jay suggests they put something in his book alluding to the fact that Pete loved lilies during his lifetime, Pete, uncharacteristically, but enthusiastically agrees to go for it.

Pete is overjoyed when Carol finally agrees to incorporate lilies into the floral arrangements while stating that it would be a nice way to honor her late husband’s memory. However, his joy is short-lived when Laura and little Pete join Carol, and when Carol asks her if she knew that her father loved lilies, Laura is confused, stating she doesn’t recall him ever mentioning lilies. Little Pete then notices that the writing in the book is newer because he has never seen it before and he knows the book by heart. Carol decides to pull the wedding from the Woodstone, with Laura agreeing, stating that it all just feels a little too weird for her. This distresses Pete greatly. He is even more distraught when Carol tells Sam that she is taking her off the family newsletter, as that was his only way to keep up with his family at all. As Sam is trying to apologize, inadvertently saying that she went a little kook-a-luka, a term she heard him say a few days prior, he watches as that stops Laura in her tracks. She then asks Sam how she knows that word. She then states that she’s only ever heard her dad use that word. And as Carol attempts to leave with little Pete, Laura states that she wants to have her wedding at the mansion afterall, as she’s felt her father’s presence both times she’s visited the Woodstone mansion. She wants her father to be with her as he was when he married her off to Mr Snuggles when she was a girl and remembers him giving her orchids, not lilies.

Pete looks on with pride as he watches Laura enter the room in her wedding dress. At Alberta’s encouragement, he joins his daughter in walking her down the aisle, all the while his arm interlocking with her causes him extreme pain. He is then able to watch his daughter get married as he wished for.

In “Whodunnit” we learn that Pete has an email address and while he doesn’t use it to contact anyone, he does receive a free joke everyday from the Reader’s Digest website. However, along with the joke of the day, he receives an email from a supposed Nigerian prince who is being held captive and what Pete perceives to be asking for his help. His hopes of being able to help are initially dashed when Trevor admits that he isn’t supposed to be using the computer after the goings on at Christmas time. But when Trevor returns telling him and Flower that the Prince has written back and that this time he is willing to pay even more for them to send the money to help him, he reluctantly agrees to help.

Pete is excited about the chance to help a famous prince out and by the possibility of it being a major news story. But after Trevor googles to see the story has already been out there, he informs Pete and Flower that they have fallen for a pretty famous scam and have lost Jay and Sam’s money.

After implying his disappointment that the Ghost who moved on was not a basement Ghost in Season 3’s premiere, “The Owl“, the basement Ghosts soon caught wind of this statement thanks to Nancy. After making him feel guilty for his statement, Pete offered them a chance to hang out freely throughout the rest of the house, much to the dismay of the other Ghosts. He explains his actions as a result of his inability to deal with conflict. When confronted by Hetty, Alberta, Isaac, and Nancy, the latter of whom threatens him if he doesn’t ask the basement Ghosts to return from whence they came, he agrees to talk to them. However, he struggles to make his point while confronting them and once he hears of how good Flower was to them and how much they will miss her, Alberta intervenes on his behalf, inviting them to join the rest of the ghosts and Sam for Flower’s memorial.

In life, Pete suffered from sleep apnea which caused him not to ever get a full-night’s rest. This condition has strangely followed him into the afterlife.

Either Pete, someone in his family, or someone in Carol‘s family was a military veteran since he and his wife had their reception at a local VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) hall.

Pete is vexed to find that his widow, whom he deeply detests, has died on the property and is now a ghost confined to the Woodstone Mansion property.

In “The Silent Partner”, Pete is still peeved that his philandering widow is now forced to spend eternity on the Woodstone Mansion property. However, he does not want to dwell on the past, believing that Carol doesn’t think that he knows about her and Jerry and wishes for her transition to the afterlife to be peaceful. He begins by explaining the can and cannots of being a ghost. After Nancy lets Carol know that Ghosts can have sex, much to Pete’s dismay, Carol is curious as to whether or not Pete is dating anyone, stating it would be weird if after 40 years he hadn’t moved on with someone else. Wanting to show that he’s moved on from her, he asks both Nancy and Alberta to be his fake girlfriend. When they initially refuse, he struggles to continue to keep up with the lie that he is in a relationship. Alberta and Nancy both feel sorry for him and both decide, without consulting one another, to be his fake girlfriend. This however puts Pete in a situation where he is perceived to be cheating on one with the other, and Carol decides to help Pete lie by giving him advice on how to successfully cheat. She tries to convince him that she knows how to do it based on all the soap operas she watched in life, but by the end of the episode, Pete has had enough and angrily confronts Carol, saying that he chose to stay single because he chose to remain loyal to the woman who during their marriage was running around with his best friend whom she eventually married after his demise. He confesses his frustration, anger, resentment and sadness toward her for lying throughout their marriage. In going off on her, he inadvertently impresses Alberta and may have persuaded her to look at him in a new light.

It is in this episode that Pete reveals that he can remove his arrow at will; its fiberglass consistency causes intense itching from time to time.

Some information, mainly the ones that are relating to basketball, are from ‘March Madness w/Flower & Pete‘ and haven’t been shared in the series itself.

Appearance

Pete is a tall, slender, handsome man with a clean shaven face. He wears his brown hair short with it parted and brushed to the right of his face. His dark brown eyes are framed by gold trimmed aviator glasses. He wears a scout leader uniform consisting of a tan button up shirt complete with several patches on the front of the shirt and on both sleeves, and khaki green shorts. His uniform is accented with a blue neck scarf with yellow trim and red knee high socks layered with khaki green crew socks. He finishes his look with tan hiking boots. He is cursed to carry the arrow that ended his life through his neck which only bothers him if someone hits or plucks it. Pete stands about 5’11. Pete on at least one occasion during his lifetime grew a mustache but his wife threw him out of the house until he shaved it off. Pete’s right arm is bigger than his left.

Trivia

  • Pete is based on the BBC version’s Pat. Out of all the adapted ghosts from the original series, Pete and Pat are the most alike, both being scout leaders from the 80s who’s wives both named Carol carried on an affair with their best friend. They both also recently find out they are grandfathers to a little boy and both only had one child. They both have similar personalities and both act as the “MC” of the various clubs and conversations the ghosts have. And both were shot in the neck with an arrow- Pete by a girl and Pat by a boy.
  • In the Pilot, Pete’s uniform has a patch that says Nature Troopers, but in the rest of the episodes it says Pinecone Troopers.
  • Richie Moriarty and Chris Sandiford (who played Kenny in ‘The Vault‘), both also appeared in What We Do In the Shadows. Richie played Doug Pederson, a member of the city council who is manipulated by Nandor to overturn the president of the council, and Chris played Derek, a vampire hunter turned vampire.
  • Pete is the second most recently deceased ghost and along with Hetty is one of the only ghosts of whom we’ve met his immediate family.
  • Pete is also the only known ghost who was a father in real life.
  • Richie Moriarty also played a basement ghost in ‘Pilot‘ and ‘Hello(screen capture 1, screen capture 2)

Quotes

  • “There’s definitely worse ways to go!” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Alright people, people! There’s enough spirit repellent for all of us.” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Boy! She is really can do!” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “I just hope someone interesting moves in, you know. Like a ball player or an astronaut. Who’s life are you hoping to watch next?” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Ooh I hate getting walked through! It’s probably the worst pain I can think of. No wait, arrow through the neck. That beats it.” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “You guys would actually love it. There’s this amazing scene where the main girl was making pottery. And then this hunky shirtless guy comes in…” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “‘Good luck everybody! And have fun!” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Carol and I argued the last time we spoke. It’s funny it felt like such a big deal at the time and now I can’t even tell you what it was that we were arguing about. You never think when you close that door behind you that that will be the last time you walk through that door. But then I had my accident and I realized I’m never gonna see my wife again. Never gonna get to speak to her, hold her, tell her how much I love her. Oh wait! I remember what we were fighting about! She ate all the donut holes. And she doesn’t even like donut holes! It was just to spite me which was just like her. Selfish so and so! The point is, life is precious.” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Thank you, Alberta. I don’t know how many times we’ve heard that song, but it gets better every time!” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Yup, she can still see us! Also, she’s apparently a little cranky before she’s had her morning coffee.” (Season 1, Episode 2)
  • “You know, we don’t have to talk her into leaving or destroy anyone. We could just befriend her and ask her not to open the hotel.” (Season 1, Episode 2)
  • “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. My doc was pretty worried about my blood pressure. Luckily, didn’t turn out to be a problem.” (Season 1, Episode 2)
  • “Hi there! Hello? Alright, I know you’re actively ignoring us but that’s okay. I was married for 16 years so I get it! Oh you looked at me! She looked at me!” (Season 1, Episode 2)
  • “Sam, quick favor! Could you look up all the Met scores for me for the last 37 years?” (Season 1, Episode 3)
  • “I would’ve called it a ‘floreo.’ That’s just my improv training kicking in. Floreo. I wish I possessed the ability to write that down.” (Season 1, Episode 4)
  • “Or the award winning travel agent, or the great dad but sure, arrow guy, let’s go with that.” (Season 1, Episode 4)
  • “Oh I wasn’t thinking it would be anything like that! I thought it’d be small and quaint like the inn on Newhart. Is that what you were thinking, Sam?... Really? Delightful sitcom about a stammering innkeeper? Nothing? It was really popular in the 80s… Well I’m not alive now but I still love Newhart.” (Season 1, Episode 4)
  • “Trevor, I did not understand that story, or the points you were making but I am so sorry.”(Season 1, Episode 4)
  • “This is not the kind of thing that would ever happen on Newhart. It was gentle humor, never at anyone’s expense. Never mean, unlike some people.” (Season 1, Episode 4)
  • “I never saw it. It came out the year before I died. But you know how it is, between work and family and shot in the neck with an arrow.” (Season 1, Episode 5)
  • ‘What the h-e-double hockey sticks is this movie?... Poor Slimer’s just trying to live his afterlife eating leftover room service that no one even wants and they vacuum him up into this tiny little box?” (Season 1, Episode 5)
  • “We can’t just frame them! This goes against everything I stand for!” (Season 1, Episode 5)
  • “And just like everything else, when it comes to nature and safety, or even plain old life lessons, it’s all in this book, which brings us to today’s lesson: Archery! Now I’m sure we all just wanna go flinging arrows at the targets, but first we need to go over some basic safety rules, okay? Rule number one, and I cannot emphasize this enough, never notch an arrow when someone is down…Is it? It is in my neck?” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “Carol Martino. Now, it’s been a while so you may need to hire a P.I., track down some leads. You’re gonna want to go to every JCPenney, IHOP, anywhere that sells beads.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “Oh my God… CAROL IF YOU ARE LISTENING, PLEASE VISIT WOODSTONE MANSION, LOVE PETE!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “I was never without this book. Carol knows how important this was to me. She’ll come get it if you tell her you found it. Please. Carol’s almost 70, I don’t know if I’m gonna get a chance to see her again.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “Hey Carol, it’s me! Your PeteyPie, the RePeter!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “How do I look, is my arrow straight?” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “If you’re asking about Carol and Jerry, I was a little thrown but I’m glad they ended up together. They were probably both so upset about losing me, makes a lot of sense.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “I did not know!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “Flower! If you weren’t already dead, I would kill you!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “I guess ‘you can kiss the bride’ was directed at everybody!” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “I forgive you, Carol.” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “I’m a grandpa” (Season 1, Episode 6)
  • “You know what my dating strategy is? I like to get myself into something I call ‘the friend zone.’ Now 9 out of 10 times, you end up completely desexualized as if you're a puppy or their brother but at the end of the day, you got a new friend so win/win, right?” (Season 1, Episode 7)
  • “Hello friend zone! I’m in!” (Season 1, Episode 7)
  • “Dungeons and Dragons isn’t about relaxation. It’s about adventure!” (Season 1, Episode 8)
  • “I just wanted to say as a long time adventurer myself, the bond between D&D and character can be very real. I know I shed a few tears when I lost Gildenmonksfear to the Demogorgon.” (Season 1, Episode 8)
  • “And I thought the mind flayer would be the greatest monster I’d encounter this week. Or the gelatinous cube, that one was tough too.” (Season 1, Episode 8)
  • “Okay, well, then I unsheath my moonblade and whisper the phrase ‘swift defeat to my enemies’ thus marking him a sworn enemy and giving myself an extra 3d6 damage.” (Season 1, Episode 8)
  • “One time, a sweet little girl saw my arrow and called me a monster. But it’s okay. What am I gonna do? Cry myself to sleep… for weeks?” (Season 1, Episode 9)
  • Well you’re excited about being murdered then I am excited for you!” (Season 1, Episode 9)
  • “You guys are gonna be great! The main thing is you wanna get in good with the travel agents. Little secret… we basically run the whole hospitality game!” (Season 1, Episode 9)
  • “Ah see this right here. This is what it’s all about, these little moments. These are the things we’re all gonna remember.” (Season 1, Episode 9)
  • “Knock, knock! Can I ask your advice on something before you go? So, you can probably tell I have a crush on Alberta, right? I think I wanna say something to her… Okay so we’re looping Jay in on this one…Well I’m a loyal guy and my wife is very much alive but then you asked her to come visit the house and I found out she was a dirty, lying cheater so long story short, I’m ready to move on.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “Oh you don’t think I’m a bad boy? I ripped the tag off a mattress once. That’s a felony, baby!” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • Guys, guys come on! Before Jay and Sam, we used to entertain ourselves, remember? Food club, movie club. We’d talk for hours. Who wants to hear me describe meatballs? Fun fact, that’s actually a food and a movie. The movie stars Bill Murray as a fun-loving, wise-cracking counselor at a summer camp, and the food, well you guys know what the food is, it’s self-explanatory. But we got the time, so I’ll explain it!” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “Hey everyone! This won’t take up too much of your time… hi. Um, I’m in kind of a bind and I need a volunteer to be my fake girlfriend? Oh I made up this little white lie about how I have a girlfriend and now I need to prove to everyone that that’s true.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “I love de-liming.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “You do deserve better. You deserve the best.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “Hey, hey guys! I can’t stand to watch you fight. I will take the room. A little mold never hurt anybody. It’ll be like camping.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “Shoulders are not specific to men.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “Listen up, ghosts! I have spent the last 40 years bending over backwards to compromise for the sake of house harmony. But I’m here to tell you I’m done. I’ve had it up to my arrow with all of your applesauce. It’s time for Pete to finally get what he wants! Also, I will no longer be the caboose on the massage train. I lead it now. I’m the engine.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “They’re hurting each other’s feelings. I have to put a stop to this.” (Season 1, Episode 11)
  • “You wanna know why I compromise, Nancy? I’m modeling for these people. Yes, it’s been 40 years and yes they’re not exactly picking up what I’m laying down but I believe in them. They have good in them. And eventually, they’re gonna get there. And until that time, I’m gonna keep setting an example.” (Season 1, Episode 12)
  • “That is enough! I cannot take one more minute of your bullying. You want me to stand up for myself and have a spine? Well here we go! It is over between us; I am done listening to you!” (Season 1, Episode 12)
  • “Mark’s having fun!” (Season 1, Episode 13)
  • “No way! That’s not a foul. That’s just good defending.” (Season 1 Episode 14)
  • “Good hustle on the backboards? What does that even mean?” (Season 1, Episode 14)
  • “Who does he think he is? Pistol Pete Maravich?” (Season 1, Episode 14)
  • “That sounds nice, but Jay and I have a whole shorthand, you know. It’s kinda our thing. We don’t just talk basketball with anyone.” (Season 1, Episode 14)
  • “Jay brought a friend into what used to be our special thing. Guess what, Jay? I got friends too!” (Season 1, Episode 14)
  • “Wow. I’m sorry, Flower. I guess I got so caught up in being frustrated with Jay for ditching me that I didn’t realize I was ditching you.” (season 1, episode 14)
  • “I dunno. This whole breakfast reminds me of when my parents took me to Toys R Us right before they told me they were getting a divorce.” (Season 1, Episode 14)
  • “And you will have nothing short of a 5 star experience in Casa Pete. I’ll even let you choose where you’d like to sleep, the bed or the floor!” (Season 1, Episode 15)
  • “Man! Picking something to watch is much more difficult than it was in the 80s. Too many choices.” (Season 1, Episode 16)
  • “My strong suits? Well, I’m can-do, selfless. I tend to put other people’s desires and needs before my own. Oh and I have excellent hand-eye coordination. Great! Perfect for what?” (Season 1, Episode 16)
  • “Look, truth be told uh now that I’m fully up to speed on what you guys say I have won, I’m not really sure that I want the position. Not what I’m saying! I’m talking about the general position of being the third. Maybe I could watch…nope hate that! Uh, thank you, though and good luck. I’ll be cheering you guys on… from afar, not from the same ro-you understand. Is it possible that I could leave? Thank you.” (Season 1, Episode 16)
  • “Ok, I don’t want to be that guy, but I think that’s smooth enough… it’s actually starting to get a bit concave.” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “Okay, you really need to move on… no, no, from that spot on the wall. Pretty soon, we’re gonna be exposing some wiring. I’m gonna show myself out.” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “So yeah, you can see how this whole banning Sam from ghost prom might bring up a lot of issues for her… and sadly, I believe it was stale (referring to the baguettes),” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “What the H-E-C-K, Stephanie! I told you all that stuff about the French guy, so you could help Sam. I trusted you! Sam told me this very sad tale about her own prom and how she thought she was going with this hunky, French guy but it turned out some mean girl was just tricking her… yes that is the appropriate reaction (responding to the awws). You know what’s not appropriate? Weaponized Sam’s pain the way Chainsaw Madonna here did.” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “I only told Stephanie what happened to you because I was trying to get you invited to the prom.” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “You guys, I’m sure that the mean girl got her older brother on the phone or something to do a French accent… trying to defend you, Sam. Not making it easy!” (Season 1, Episode 17)
  • “The Farnsby&B… that’s a clever name. But awful of them to do. But pretty darn clever.” (Season 1, Episode 18)
  • “I’d also like to say something. Sam, you can be a part of my troop anyday. Also please tell Jay I love him and that Mark sucks and he shouldn’t be friends with him anymore.”
  • “I’m not so sure, Sam. Let me tell you something about your polite Midwesterners there. They can be very tricky, and this is 18 years in the travel industry game talking… ….But did they? They left them barely touched right there. This type of customer… they’re all smiles but you never know what they’re really thinking” (Season 2, Episode 1)
  • “Debbie is really chafed about that toilet paper… literally! (laughs) (Season 2, Episode 1)
  • “Yelp reviews might not be anonymous. But you know what is? Conversations with your trusted travel agent… unless you tell me you murdered someone, or stole a robe.” (Season 1, Episode 1)
  • “Sam, you should do a podcast about Alberta’s murder…Always thinking of you. I mean, not always. I have other interests, too. Not that you’re an interest. Would someone else please talk?” (Season 2, Episode 2)
  • “Raiders of the Lost Ark! Would you just die already so we can be best friends?” (Season 2, Episode 2)
  • “A real underdog story! I love underdogs! Not that I’m saying I love you. W-would someone else talk, please?” (Season 2, Episode 2)
  • “Oh! From my barbershop quartet days, I recognize that as quite the burn!” (Season 2, Episode 2)
  • “I mean, jazz legend who has insecurities just like me? I’m on board!” (Season 2, Episode 2)
  • “Morning roomie! Another beautiful day in eternity! Happy three month roommate anniversary!” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Oh yeah that’s because months and quarters don’t always line up exactly (laughs). Isn’t the calendar so fun!” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Okay so you want me to be less cheery, like all the time? Okay, well that sounds like a super fun challenge!” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Welcome to another day in hell, bitch! From now on, I’m a mean, old sourpuss, just like you wanted. No more smiles, no more compliments. No more scalp massages while you sleep to stimulate your dreams.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “For the rest of eternity, you’re rooming with a joyless, sulking void.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Son of a B-word.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “No can do, Sam. I’ve changed. I’m dark now. Because life is meaningless and full of suffering.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Oh sure. ‘Cause cults are famously reasonable.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Nothing, uh, just looking at a stupid sunset, certainly not getting any enjoyment out of it.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “First of all, I haven’t been around as long as you have. I dunno, I try to stay positive, you know? Sure, sunsets get a little… repetitive. But every once in a while, one knocks your socks off and that’s what keeps you looking.” (Season 2, Episode 3)
  • “Hamilton wrote 51 Federlist papers and saved the Constitution, just to further prove your point.” (Season 2, Episode 4)
  • “Look, I am more than happy to help a friend, but Nigel will find out eventually… …Well, then there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Okay, not plenty, but there is that one other guy. And I don’t know what Thor means when he talks about “boat rules,” but that sounds…” (Season 2, Episode 4)
  • “AKA slo-Momoa (chuckles). Not my best work, but I had to get it out of my head.” (Season 2, Episode 6)
  • “Okay, maybe we don’t watch TV at all. Like the good, old days, you know? Trivia, charades, sharing secrets… (whispers) I don’t like mustard.” (Season 2, Episode 6)
  • “$10,000? That’s more than I paid for my Skylark.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “Um, Flower, look. I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. I mean this is an opportunity to really help Sam and Jay here. As a small business owner in life myself, I can attest tot he fact that these early days can be some of hte most stressful. Heck, I’ve arguably got the dumbest death of them all. But I’d still be proud to be able to lend a hand. I mean think of all Sam does for us.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “Yeah, I was rattled at first, but I was right in what I told Flower. I mean, this is my chance to really help Jay and Sam… … A good-hearted man. Kind to his family and troops… … “Hey, we went to Epcot, buddy. That’s the whole world all at once!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “It’s a gosh darn hatchet job! Sorry about the locker room talk, but I am steamed!... … Look I may not haven had the perfect marriage. And at work, I was a good travel agent, but I was no Greg Flannagan. Famous travel agent?... …the point is, the one thing I could hang my hat on was that I was a great Scout troop leader. Those kids loved me, and I was there for them. That’s what makes this so hurtful.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “Aw, she’s a good kid. Oh Sam, offer her a ring-pop. Cherry’s her favorite flavor.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • (Flashback) “Is, uh- Sweetie, did-did you eat the rest of the donut holes?... …No, Carol, I was looking forward to having some before I left. You don’t even like donut holes… …That doesn’t make any sense. The donut holes are punched out of the donut… …Okay, even if that were true, there all donut material!... (Present day)...I was so distracted, I must have handed out the arrows before doing the safety speech… …Why not? She’s right. I failed those girls. I was a terrible Pinecone Troop leader.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “Thanks for highlighting my impotence.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “This is all information that would’ve been really useful before you handed out the deadly weapons, you idiot!” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “Do not remove the arrow. Stay calm. Is anyone going to do anything? Bandages. Tape. Uh, we need to support the arrow ad secure it. Then we’re gonna make a tourniquet.” (Season 2, Episode 7)
  • “This is nuts. Serving alcohol without a license is a criminal offense.” (Season 2, Episode 8)
  • “I strongly advise against this. You’re gonna run a speakeasy in the house while that woman is performing inspections? This is crazy… Yeah, unless they get fined, arrested, put out of business.” (Season 2, Epsiode 8)
  • “Ooh, the Paper Mate 98 ball pen? Oh this gal means business. That baby glides!” (Season 2, Episode 8)
  • “Oh they’re being so loud. The inspector’s going to hear. This is so nerve-racking.” (Season 2, Episode 8)
  • “Well, one time I was late for a movie, so I parked in a loading zone. It was a Sunday, so it was probably allowed, but, man, it ruined Gremlins for me.” (Season 2, Episode 8)
  • “Man, these guys can drink! I had two light beers in college one night. Woke up in a trash heep in northern Nevada.” (Season 2, Episode 8)
  • “Please don’t make Christmas dirty, Trevor. It’s pure and beautiful, and everyone loves it.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
  • “Saved by the jingle bell. The… not-not saved by the bell, but saved by the jingle bell.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
  • That’s the thing about Christmas, it’s got the best foods. And not just desserts. Honey baked hams, turkeys. Trevor was telling me his family used to do Chinese food… …Well we’re Italian, so we did something called the Feast of Seven Fishes.” (Season 2, Episode 9)
  • “I’m just worried about Bubbles. He’s living in a broken home now. He’s a hamster of divorce.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
  • “Oh I’m sorry. Is this 1971, and are you Carol on our wedding night? Oh, in retrospect, the signs were there.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
  • “You know how you can tell 100% if someone is cheating on you? You can’t. That’s the thing about relationships. You know? You… you have to trust. Now in my case, the trust wasn’t warranted, but the alternative is to let paranoia take over and ruin what could be a good thing.” (Season 2, Episode 12)
  • “It was a long day. We had cake. It was hot out. We had cake!” (Season 2, Episode 12)
  • “I’m not rooting for him, but the science is darn interesting!” (Season 2, Episode 13)
  • “Hey-hey Thor, it’s Pete. Uh, sorry about this whole turn of events. I can’t but feel, I don’t know, a little bit responsible. Now before you say that’s crazy…” (Season 2, Episode 13)
  • “I always played it safe in life. I always worried that something bad would happen. And you know what, something bad happened anyway. And now my friends’ afterlives hang in the balance, and it’s my fault that they’re in there. Am I scared? You betcha. But am I going in? You’re darn tootin.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
  • “Should’ve been me. It was my number that came up.” (Season 2, Episode 13)
  • “There’s no way they were all wearing seatbelts.” (Season 2, Episode 15)
  • “Alright hello! I am Pete Martino, your one-ghost improv troupe. All i need to get started is a non-geographical location and something you wouldn’t want your boss to find out about. Just yell em out, folks… … Where arrr me staples!” (Season 2, Episode 15)
  • “Nothing revs up a lady like some good improv, huh?” (Season 2, Episode 15)
  • “Relationshps are harrrrd. Sorry, once I fire up this engine, I can’t turn it off.” (Season 2, Episode 15)
  • “Hey! Can I get a suggestion of a children’s game and something you wouldn’t want to eat for lunch?” (Season 2, Episode 15)
  • “A blast from the past! This is good, clean fun.” (Season 2, Episode 16)
  • “Okay, once again, I’m not going to be your third, even if it means just watching. But how can I help you, otherwise?” (Season 2, Episode 16)
  • “Well, I do have a bit of a system honed over decades of dealing with irate travel agency clients. I call it my patented ‘Take It’ method… yea, you know when someone misses their connecting flight through Miami, through no fault of your own, and they want to lay into you, you let ‘em. You just take it.” (Season 2, Episode 16)
  • “Well, I’ve been working with Thor to help him manage his anger. And now it’s time to put that to the test, with a couple of ghosts who know exactly what buttons to push to make Thor angry.” (Season 2, Episode 16)
  • “It’s okay, Buddy. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You know, it took me years to completely lose my backbone. You’ll get there.” (Season 2, Episode 16)
  • “Thank God! This has been such a scary roller coaster, and I was not comfortable punching anyone in the genitals.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Hey Sam, I’m ready! Let’s do this! Sam got another electronic family newsletter from my daughter Laura. And if you’ll recall, the last one ended on a cliffhanger as my grandson, little Pete, was being fitted for a retainer.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “(screams) No!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Oh wow, two in one day. Oh I hope he didn’t accidentally throw that retainer away.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “I can’t believe this. I wish there was something I could do… … Whatever is it, I don’t care. Let’s just do it.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Yea, it’s not great. Although, you do like bad boys, right?” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Oh, phew! So there is a way out? So, you’ll just sign it, right, Hetty? Hetty? Hetty! Why is she not making eye contact with me?!” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Right, but the hell I’m going to is actual Hell, where the streets are paved with fire and the chairs are made of bees.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Hetty, I just want to say thank you. I know it took you a minute, and that’s okay, but we got there in the end.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “I can’t go to Hell. Elias said my soul’s too pretty.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Okay, Thor, looks like I might be going down there. Sounds like there are some rough types. Any self-defense tips?” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “I mean, it’s not almost going to Hell, but I’m still able to invest in other people’s journeys.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Ah, I can’t stay mad at such a snappy dresser.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “Thank God! This has been such a scary roller coaster, and I was not comfortable punching anyone in the genitals.” (Season 2, Episode 17)
  • “She hates apps? Has she tried jalapeno poppers? The only nightmare is when you are done.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “Okay, you know ‘stereo’ but not ‘car’? I think you’re doing this on purpose.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “Golly, dinner? That’s the most romantic meal. It’s the one that’s usually inside you when things get frisky.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “Sam if you think about it, this is kind of your fault… …well you always edit out all the weird stuff he says on the podcast.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “We’re denying two lonely people a chance at love.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “Okay, I’ve heard you say ‘leather’ before. Are you messing with us?” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “That’s the thing about parenting. The victories are very short-lived.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “I get it. Kids can be a nightmare. One time, my daughter, Laura, lost her headgear in the garbage disposal. I don’t have a more relevant adult example because (grunts, chuckles). But I feel your frustration.” (Season 2, Episode 18)
  • “Well, I’m excited, obviously. I mean, from the newsletters, Brian seems like a good guy. I just wish I could be there. Man, being dead is rough.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “My old house. I built that deck.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Sam, please. This would mean so much to me. It’s my daughter. I just want to see her get married.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “There is one thing we could use against Carol. I’ve never told anyone this, so please don’t judge me. (sighs) I thought I”d take this to my grave, which I guess I sort of did… …Okay, here goes. My deepest shame: The deck they’re planning to get married on, the one that I built, it’s unpermitted.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “I know, but it was so close to grilling season, and the permit office was backed up. I guess I just kind of went a little kook-a-luka.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “We unleash the fury of the Ulster County zoning board. These small towns, we don’t have much in the way of regular crimes. An unpermitted deck in Ulster County is like a triple homicide in San Francisco.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Carol and my grandson are here! The anonymous tip worked! We got the deck condemned!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “All because of an illegal deck! I guess crime does pay. It’s not a great lesson. Don’t repeat that for the kid.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Huh, kind of thought my daughter would be here to do this with me, not just the woman who cheated on me with my best friend, but sure. Let’s plan a wedding.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Cheese and rice! Okay, look, the only thing I really care about is that there are lilies at the wedding.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Carol could never compromise. It was the worst part of our marriage.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “What are you doing out there? I’m trying my darndest to give my daughter her dream wedding, and you’re laying a goose egg on the scoreboard.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Oh, I’m well beyond frustrated. I’m darn near P.O.’d.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Everything else I’m fine with. I just need these lilies… …not to me, to my daughter. (flashback) Alright. Are you ready for Daddy to walk you down the aisle, to begin your life with Mr. Snuggles?... …(yells) I’ll get to it! I’m doing something!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Normally, I’d be opposed to this kind of fraud, but I recently learned that crime does pay, so let’s do it!” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “And also ‘Dancing Queen’ is a great number to bop to. Add that when she’s not looking.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Oh my little Pumpkin, who’s older than me. That’s kind of messing with my head.”(Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “Oh, right! Orchids! My bad. What? I had a senior moment. Technically, I’m 78.” (Season 2, Episode 19)
  • “No can do, my friend. As you know, the bathroom is strictly off limits for ghosts when the Living is inside… …Okay, what you’re saying may be within the spirit of the rule, but i must insist we follow the letter of the law, because of my ethics, and what a doctor once called a slight personality disorder.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “Stephanie, what are you doing up? Please don’t make fun of my knees again. They’re normal knees.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “When you have imagination, you don’t need friends. I wore headgear til I was 15.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “Okay, before anyone says something they’re gonna regret, let’s get back to the Beholder showdown. Did it use its Ray of Disintegration? A shiny nickel says it did.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “That is one dramatic middle-aged lady.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “Trevor, I think you’re thinking about this all the wrong way, buddy. I mean, the stuff you’re doing now, the couples stuff, that’s the best part. When I thnk back on my time with Carol, I mean those are the moments that really stand out. You know, it’s that trip to the lamp store, or those long breakfasts where you sit there reading your separate papers. And then she glares at you for laughing out loud at Ziggy, which you know bothers her, but you can’t help yourself. It’s Ziggy!” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “Hold on, Mark’s gonna be around all the time, being best friends with Jay, getting into shenanigans? Don’t love that.” (Season 2, Episode 20)
  • “The creep factor for getting an email from a dead person is unfortunately pretty high.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “Hey Flower, what did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school?... …No. He-he said ‘bison’.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “This isn’t about the money. This is a guy who needs help. And he reached out to me! For some reason.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “Now I’m an accessory, and for what? Wholesome jokes curated by the funniest people in the world?” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “He probably reached out because he still thinks I’m a living travel agent. You know what people say. When in trouble, call a travel agent.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “I’m so excited. I mean, this could be international news, right? A freed prince? Morley Safer’s gonna be all over that.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “You know, the word ‘hero’ gets thrown around pretty casually this days, but I think you’re looking at three of them right here.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “I’m done with Reader’s Digest. I’ll get my zingers elsewhere.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “Yea, we both got great thighs, couple of thigh guys!” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “A couple of young thigh guys. Hey should we get a rack for these four guns?” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “And we learned a valuable lesson, you know? If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” (Season 2, Episode 21)
  • “When two or more ghosts have a conflict that there doesn’t seem to be a resolution for, we convene a council to agree on an appropriate punishment so we can put the matter behind us.” (Season 2, Episode 22)
  • “I’m around and ready to objectify that man.” (Season 2, Episode 22)
  • “Okay we need a headcount. Everybody find your suck-off buddy!” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Let’s not panic. Maybe it was just a basement ghost.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “I’m happy for Flower, but I’m gonna miss her. And I bet she’ll miss us, if she remembers who we are.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “The things I would do to a Ritz cracker.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Okay, so I went down to the basement to make sure they weren’t mad at me about the whole ‘just a basement ghost’ comment. Well, turns out, they were, in fact, very mad…Well, I don’t like anybody being mad at me, so to prove to them how much I enjoy them, I kind of invited them to come upstairs… I’m not great with conflict.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Okay, I admit this hasn’t been a Club Med vacation for me either. More like Sandals, no comment… I can’t just ask them to go back downstairs. They’ll be mad at me…Criminy, this is one dill of a pickle.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Aw cheese and crackers this is gonna be hard.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Flower was one of the most patient people I ever knew. I mean she would just sit and listen for hours as I talked about everything from fly-fishing and traveler’s checks to orienteering and international ATM fees. And I think for most of those hours, she was aware of what was going on.” (Season 3, Episode 1)
  • “Oh that’s okay. You take your time. Give me pleasure to see you getting pleasure.”(Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “Question: what the H-E_double hockey sticks were you doing in Sam and Jay’s bedroom last night?... You thought I was sleeping, but I wasn’t, cause of my sleep apnea, which I assumed I’d get rid of when I died, but I didn’t, so I’m always a little tired.” “So yesterday, Jay says he doesn’t want a pizza oven. Theny ou did some weird thing to him while he slept, and he just woke up wanting one?...What’s going on, Sass?” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “We are roommates. We tell each other all our secrets. You know about my Loni Anderson river rafting fantasy” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “It’s just, that’s one heck of a ghost power. Cookie Crisp.” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “I mean, dip my chip, you can jump into other people’s dreams?... So you can just make people do whatever you want?... I gotta say, this doesn’t seem ethical, Sass. I mean, mind-controlling people?” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “The only s’more I’m interested in is some s’more integrity around here.” (Season 3, Episode 2) “So I need you to use your power to alert Jay. Write ont he mirror, send a text message. I don’t want to micromanage, but he needs to be warned.” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “You made your bed, Sam. And now you gotta lie in it. Get it, cause she’s sleeping and also because she’s guilty of a deceitful act.” (Season 3, Episode 2)
  • “Ah, I love weddings. Carol and I had our reception at the VFW Hall. Oh it was a heck of an affair. Not unlike the one my best man had years later with my bride.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
  • “I never got divorced. Luckily, the arrow felled me before I found out my marriage was a sham.” (Season 3, Episode 3)
  • “Sort of a fjordy if you will!” (Season 3, Episode 3)
  • “The Nico and Sasha? Music manager and stylist to the stars power couple? The most amazing bathroom remodel I’ve ever seen. I-I snoop while you scroll.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Cheese and crackers, what is she doing here?... It’s all doughnut material. I can’t be here for this.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Yea, they don’t want you here, Carol. No one does.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Yea, my best friend who you slept with was sure drawn to it. I can’t be around you.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “He sent that across state lines? Oh,n ow, we’re all drug traffickers. Thanks, Rob!” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “I can’t go down there. Carol’s circling like a shark with cat ears. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, doo-dah-doo. It’s Jaws… With any luck, I’ll never have to see her again… Well, I’m going to go to my room and I don’t know, remember different knots? You got the square knot, obviously.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Uh Nico and Sasha are packing up faster than the Hendersons back in 84 when they had to flee the Bahamas due to a hurricane. I was working on getting them a full refund when yuh-oh” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “You can see me? (Screams) Carol’s a ghost!” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Well that would be ironic. You don’t even like doughnut holes.” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “What did I do to the universe? I mean, I was a good person. Sure, the deck was unpermitted, but…is that what this is, God? Is this about the deck?” (Season 3, Episode 4)
  • “Well, I admit I was pretty steamed when I realized I was gonna have to spend eternity with Carol… I’ve been thinking about it and it’s not healthy to dwell in the past… Yes, thank you for that attention to detail, but the larger point in making is that I’m fine.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “Well, I don’t think she realizes that I know. And if that’s the case, why make her transition to the afterlife any harder? She’s got a lot on her plate… I should not be laughing at that. I mean, I’m filled with anger toward her, but I’m trying to swallow it.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “(laughing) Hetty, you’re bad!” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “So you see, Carol, aside from not being able to touch things or leave the property, we actually lead a pretty normal existence here.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “You bet I am. Yeah, big-time…Name? Uh, well, you know, let me, let me check with her first. Uh, just out of respect, you know. I-I can’t wait to tell you all about it, cause she is real… really…” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “Good grits! I’m really up a creek this time. Will one of you pretend to be my girlfriend?... I just don’t want Carol knowing I spent the first 40 years of my afterlife being loyal to her, when she wasn’t even loyal to me while we were married. It’s humiliating… There’s plenty of time for Monday-morning quarterbacking, Nancy. We are where we are. Now, will you be my fake girlfriend or not?” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • Oooh! Every time she touches me it’s like the first time.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “I mean you did say some nice things about me that seemed to come from a genuine place… Yeah, yeah, no, no. Just friends. Got it.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “Yes, yes because I’ve been dating Alberta for a while, as you know, Nancy.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “I've been dating Alberta for quite some time. I’m also stepping out on her with this lovely lady… it’s a lot to keep straight but the heart wants what the heart wants.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “Right, you know about cheating from your soaps.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “No. I’m not welcome. I don’t want your help cheating, Carol. I know where you’re getting all your advice and it’s not your soaps. It’s from your affair with Jerry… Save it, I know. I’ve known about you and Jerry since I heard you talking about it with Sam two years ago… No, I don’t know, Carol, cause I’m not a cheater like you… They were pretending so that I wouldn’t look like a loser. The truth is, I don’t have a girlfriend. I haven’t had a girlfriend since I died cause I was staying loyal to my wife! So if that makes me pathetic then fine, Carol, you win. I’m pathetic. But you…you suck.” (Season 3, Episode 5)
  • “Hey. Sorry about making a big scene in there. I-I didn’t mean to blow up like that… I did want to thank you for helping me out. Obviously it didn’t work, I appreciate it… Sheesh, this darn arrow gets so itchy. People forget there’s fiberglass in the shaft… Well, thanks again for your help. See you around, basset hound.” (Season 3, Episode 5)