2.03 - Jay's Friends

Episode Number: Season 2 Episode 3
Episode Title: Jay’s Friends
Air Date: October 13, 2022
Written By: Guy Endore-Kaiser
Directed By: Trent O’Donnell
Regular Cast: Rose McIver, Utkarsh Ambudkar, Brandon Scott Jones, Richie Moriarty, Danielle Pinnock, Asher Grodman, Román Zaragoza, Sheila Carrasco, Rebecca Wisocky, Devan Chandler Long
Guest Cast: Drew Tarver, Caroline Day, Izad Etemadi, Lou Mauro, Maria Herrera
Episode Images: Episode Stills | Screen Captures

Episode Summary

While Sam is giving guests information on the hiking trails nearby, she warns them that it’s bear season. Flower jumps in, unheard by the guests, “Do not hug them! You’re gonna want to hug ’em, but don’t.

Trevor, Flower and Hetty have been watching Sam, Trevor observes that business is picking up. Sam agrees and says that they are hoping to expand their customer base. Hetty laments, “Yes, how can we get the halls of this once proud home crawling with even more commoners?

Jay comes in holding a basketball, saying he met some cool locals playing that morning. “They found out that we run the Woodstone B and B, and they were so into it.Jay continues that Micah and the others may want to come over tomorrow and watch the game. When Sam asks who Micah is Jay explains that he’s “kind of like their leader.”  “The leaderSam asks?” “Uh boss? They work together? I don’t know.”  Sam says it sounds like he made some friends. She explains to the Ghosts that it’s been harder on Jay because she has all of them to talk to and that he must feel left out. Jay notes the irony as he’s feeling left out of her conversation with the ghosts right then.

Sass, lying in bed, slowly opens his eyes to see Pete staring down at him saying, “Morning, roomie.Sass, trying to be diplomatic, tells Petethe relentless cheeriness, it’s a lot.Pete asks if he wants him to be less cheery, and Sass says just when he’s awake. Pete thinks that sounds like a challenge.

Micah and friends have come over to watch the football game with Jay. He’s very interested in the Woodstone Mansion and asks how many bedrooms there are. Jay tells him there are nine, but as they are a new business not really busy yet. Micah starts talking philosophically to Jay about how he sees things in basketball and in life. Trevor, Flower and Isaac are watching. Trevor says, “I got a funny feeling about this guy.Flower agrees, “Right? I’ve got tingles.Micah is telling Jay about the direction he took with the B and B and focusing on the long haul. He shows Jay a patch he’s wearing on his arm. Flower applauds but Trevor runs into the kitchen telling Sam that they have a problem. “These friends of  Jay’s—and I hesitate to say this because the one is very hot—but they got to go.Sam is confused, so Trevor continues, “They’re into some pyramid scheme, working for some company that’s selling these vitamin patches, and they’re trying to recruit Jay to sell them.Hetty asks, “Vitamin patches?Trevor explains, “It’s like modern-day snake oil.Hetty is impressed, “The cure-all elixir that gives you vim, vigor and verve? What’s the problem here?” Alberta declares that if Trevor thinks that even the hot one has to go, they should take this seriously. Sam thinks it’s all probably innocent but Hetty tells her, “If Jay is truly being offered a snake-oil opportunity, one must at least entertain the notion.Sam tells her they aren’t buying snake oil or anything else from them. Hetty disagrees, “I guess you could press your own snakes, but you’re going to have to move the rugs.

Sam brings snacks to the group and sees Jay is elsewhere giving Micah a tour of the Mansion. The hot girl tells Sam that, “It’s really exciting that he’s getting alone time with Micah so soon.Sam asks hot girl and, another member named Norm, what the deal is on the patches. Norm explains, “They’re a proprietary blend of vitamins and nutrients that enhance one’s quality of life.Sam wants to know if that’s based on science. Hot girl answers, “The recipe came to Micah in a dream.Sam asks if they are a company or are they co-workers? Norm explains they don’t like the word “company” because they are more of a collective. Hot girl says, “We work together, live together.Trevor notices, “Live together? Okay, this is weirder than a pyramid scheme.” Flower adds, “That’s because it’s not a pyramid scheme, It’s a cult!” The Ghosts are all watching this with interest and Isaac looks at her and says, “You’re saying Jay accidentally joined a cult?Flower smiles, “Well he’s not in yet, but it’s looking good.

Sam is upset, “Jay finally makes some friends up here and they turn out to be in a cult.Flower thinks it’s his chance to make life-long friends. Sam says he’s not joining a cult but Flower warns her to be careful. “Sometimes when a family member asks someone to choose between them and the cult, they choose the cult.

Jay comes into the kitchen where Sam is talking with the Ghosts and says he’s never met anyone like Micah before and what a great perspective he has on life. Sam blurts out, “It’s a cult, Jay. He’s in a cult.  He’s the cult leader.Jay doesn’t believe it. Sam tells him that they live together as some kind of collective. “He’s a bit hippie-dippie, I’ll give you that, but you don’t know him yet,Jay replies. He was hoping she would give Micah a chance and that he’s helping them out by giving them ten boxes of patches for free to sell on consignment. Sam tries to tell him that he doesn’t want to be in business with Micah, but Jay tells her he knows the patches work because he’s wearing one. Flower, celebrates because Jay is now in the cult.

Sass returns to his room that he shares with Pete and is greeted by him, “Welcome to another day in hell, bitch.Pete’s going to be the sourpuss Sass wanted. “No more smiles, no more compliments, no more scalp massages while you sleep to stimulate your dreams.Sass is disturbed, “Wait, you massage me while I sleep?” “No, I used to. But that’s all over now. For the rest of eternity, you’re rooming with a joyless, sulking void.Pete asks if he misses classic old friendly Pete but Sass says that he likes grumpy Pete and thanks him. Pete is disappointed.

Trevor and Hetty are watching the cult members exercising outside. Jay comes out to talk to Micah who has invited some ”team members” to hang out.  Jay ask if, though some live together, this patch thing is mostly a business? Micah replies “It’s a business, a community, a way of life … Jay, please stretch, okay? It’s important to stay limber.  Especially if you’re gonna live forever.Jay asks “When you say “live forever,” you mean the patch makes you feel like you’re gonna live forever?Micah smiles, “Exactly. Because you can.” Jay looks uneasy. “Jay, how old do you think I am?Jay says he doesn’t know, “Um, 35?” “I’m 742 years young.Jay, now worried, tells him he looks great. Hetty tells Trevor that, “Micah is quite insane.

Alberta finds Flower who is thoughtfully staring into the distance. Alberta, thinking there is more to the story, asks Flower what she meant about people choosing a cult over their family. Flower tells her that when she was in the cult, her brother came and tried to get her to come home. The cult banned him from the property and barred her from speaking to him again. “If only he never tried to get me out of that cult.Alberta tells her that it sounds like he was trying to protect her and maybe she should be angry at the people that made her choose between them and her own family. Flower hadn’t considered that the cult could have been wrong.

Jay runs inside, “Sam, it is a full-blown cult. This is bad, he said he was 742 years old.Sam tells him to calm down, they will tell Micah he has to leave. Trevor wants them to stop and think because, If it’s a Heaven’s Gate situation, they could be looking at some sexy new Ghosts. He heard them talking about something they called the ”final patch” so he was hopeful.

The cult members are busy moving their stuff into the Woodstone Mansion. Sam tells them they all have to leave. Micah says they won’t be doing that. He reminds Jay of the very long bill of lading that came with the patches he gave him, Jay signed for them and got a receipt. Buried in the fine print was that they could all move in to the mansion in exchange for the patches. Sam says they will call the police but Micah says they have a signed contract but not to worry, they won’t stay for more than a trillion years.

Sam spoke to a lawyer, they are in the right and the contract won’t hold up. But, it’ll take months and thousands of dollars in legal fees. Jay realizes they can’t run the B and B with the cult living there so they will be forced out of business. Sam asks Pete for some Pinecone Trooper inspiration, but he says he can’t because he’s dark now. Flower says that there is one way to break up a cult, it’s foolproof, and easy: Sam needs to sleep with Micah. Sam says she isn’t going to sleep with Micah and Jay is glad to hear it. Flower insists that, “Nothing breaks a cult up faster than an outsider sleeping with the leader.

Hot girl is sitting on the couch with Trevor and Flower on either side of her, unseen. Alberta comes in and Trevor says he’s watching TV with Alana (previously referred to as hot girl). Alberta tells Flower they should try to contact Flower’s brother. Flower said after she got out of the cult she heard he’d been killed in Vietnam. She wishes she’d been there to convince him not to go, he’d spent his whole life protecting her. When he needed her, she wasn’t there. He was, “MIA, murdered in action.Trevor says, that’s “missing in action” and “KIA” is “killed in action.” It’s possible he is alive.

Sam and Jay try talking to Micah, Norm and Alana, but they aren’t interested in leaving. Micah tells them they aren’t going anywhere so Sam blurts out that she slept with Micah. Alana says, “Micah would never sleep with you. You’re an outsider.Sam tells Alana it’s true, and Flower is proud of Sam. Micah says Sam is lying. Hetty tells Sam to tell them you know that Micah has moles on his right butt cheek, to trust her, so Sam does. Micah tells the group that she’s guessing. Hetty, who has apparently seen Micah’s butt cheek, tells Sam there are “three moles in a crescent formation,” which Sam repeats. Norm gasps, “She knows about the Dots of Destiny!Alana tells Micah, “You promised you wouldn’t sleep with an outsider and if you lied about that, what else are you lying about?Norm agrees, “Yeah, now I’m starting to question this whole immortality thing. Like, do we even get our own planets?Micah says he didn’t sleep with Sam and “Everybody’s getting their own planets. My bodily fluids still cure the common cold. This was a test. It was a test and, you all passed.” Alana is relieved that it was just another test. Norm says, “Oh, it was another test.  Like when we looked you up online and it said you were born in 1990.” Micah says, “Exactly. And let this be a reminder that I can test you at any moment. So let’s leave this place and put this toxic non-believer behind us.

Sass walks into his room to see Pete staring at a sunset. He tells him to just go back to being himself, that eternity was getting to him and he doesn’t know how Pete is able to stay so positive. Pete says he hasn’t been around as long as Sass and tries to stay positive. “Sure sunsets get a little repetitive, but … every once in awhile one knocks your socks off. And that’s what keeps you looking.

Sam tells Flower that Alberta and Trevor told her about her brother so she contacted him. He’s alive. Sam emailed him and pretended that she was in the cult with her and he responded. She told her brother that Flower’s biggest regret was not making up with him. He had thought his little sister died hating him. To learn that she didn’t filled him with a great peace. He loved her and wished he had told her more often in this world but maybe he’ll get a chance in the next one. Pete looks at Sass and says, “And that my friend, is why I still look at sunsets.Flower is so grateful that Sam did this for her that she gives her a hug, which causes Sam to become stoned.

Episode Quotes

  • “Do not hug them! You’re gonna want to hug ’em, but don’t”Flower
  • ”I once hit a game-winning three, while being fouled, and never even lost my yarmulka”Trevor
  • “Another beautiful day in eternity” “How is this my death” – Pete waking up, Sasappis
  • “Oh, yes, she is delect… Oh, wait, I don’t have to pretend anymore”Isaac
  • “The cure-all elixir that gives you vim, vigor and verve? What’s the problem here?”Hetty
  • “He is not in yet but it’s looking good.” – Flower
  • “Welcome to another day in hell bitch” – Pete
  • “Sometimes men very stubborn” – Thorfinn
  • “Nothing breaks up a cult faster than an outsider sleeping with the cult leader” – Flower
  • “If a bunch of white male landowners can find common ground, then anything is possible” – Sasappis
  • “Tell them about the three moles on his buttocks, They’re shaped kind of like a crescent.” – Hetty