2.02 - Alberta's Podcast

Episode Number: Season 2, Episode 2
Episode Title: Alberta’s Podcast
Air Date: October 6, 2022
Written By: Talia Bernstein
Directed By: Trent O’Donnell
Regular Cast: Rose McIver, Utkarsh Ambudkar, Brandon Scott Jones, Richie Moriarty, Danielle Pinnock, Asher Grodman, Román Zaragoza, Sheila Carrasco, Rebecca Wisocky, Devan Chandler Long
Guest Cast: Rodrigo Fernandez-Stoll, Ravi Patel, Mercedes Morris, Daniel Brochu, Madeleine Eddy, Andrew Searles, Justin Johnson, Guido Grasso , RJ Copan, Josh Johnston
Episode Images: Episode Stills | Screen Captures


Episode Summary

In a Harlem nightclub in 1926, a show director frantically searches for “Clara” and when she can’t be found, asks Alberta to fill in. She gladly steps up and sings her heart out to an adoring crowd.

Back at the mansion’s kitchen in present day, Sam, Pete and Trevor listen to a true crime podcast while Jay cooks. Alberta and Isaac enter and Sam explains what a podcast is. Pete suggests that Sam do a podcast about Alberta’s murder. Jay and Sam think that’s a great idea and Sam decides to pitch it to the Ulster County Review.

As Sam gets ready to leave, Hetty stops her to complain about the washing machine that makes so much racket it disturbs her sleep. When Sam responds that Jay said he called about it, Thor tells her that Jay lied, and had been playing video games all morning. Alberta chastises Thor for being “a rat.” She tells him there’s nothing worse that being a rat where she comes from and that’s what inspired her hit song, “Don’t Be a Rat.”

Sam pitches the podcast idea to Lewis at a cafe, who likes the idea but asks if she has an “expert” to serve as a cohost. He does a little search and suggests Todd. Sam protests that she’s met Todd and he’s a little weird. Lewis makes the ultimatum, “No Todd, no pod.”

In the mansion’s laundry room, Hetty yells at the loud washing machine. Flower walks by and Hetty continues to complain to her. Jay enters and stops the cycle to Hetty’s relief which is momentary because he tosses his laundry into the dryer which is equally loud then leaves. Flower tells Hetty that the upside to a broken washing machine happens when you sit on it. Reluctantly, Hetty tries it out and her facial expressions suggest she enjoys the sensation. Flower leaves, declaring to Hetty and the dryer, “I’ll leave you two alone.”

When Sam arrives home, she tells Jay and the ghosts about the “No Todd, no pod” ultimatum. Alberta pleads for Sam to tell her she said “no pod’ but then the doorbell rings and it’s Todd. As Jay and Sam welcome him and show him to his room, a visibly calm Hetty enters and tells Alberta she just needs to relax. When Isaac asks what’s wrong, Hetty responds that it’s something to do with a “magical encounter” she had with the washing machine. Flower joins the bunch and let’s Hetty know that the washer was making her “sexually aroused.” Hetty becomes embarrassed and asks everyone to look away.

Outside, Jay helps Todd with his things, including a picture of a young girl that Todd created by mixing his own and Alberta’s pictures to see what their kids would look like. When Alberta notices her old end table, she asks Sam to get them to stop. Jay notices the false bottom and to her dismay, out drops Alberta’s diary.

Hetty passes by the shaking washing machine, but changes direction, presumably back towards the laundry room.

In Todd’s room, Isaac, Sass, and Trevor read the diary over Todd’s shoulder. Although the ghosts have a moment of quandary about whether they should be reading, they decide it’s all gonna come out in the wash anyway.

In the living room Sam tells Jay that Alberta, also present, is worried about the diary. Sam eventually convinces Alberta to share what she’s worried about. She confesses to the group, including Pete and Thor, that the reason she got her big break was that the headliner Clara didn’t show up. This was because Clara spent a night in jail after Alberta “ratted her out.” Thor responds by singing Alberta’s song, with the lyric: “Nothin’ worse than a low-down rat.” Sam tries to console her, saying she believes that her fans will remain, even when they find out the truth. But, just then Todd comes in and exclaims that Alberta was a rat and that he’s not even sure who she is anymore.

Hetty admits to Flower that she enjoyed time on the washing machine again. Flower shares with Hetty that nowadays, women are allowed to enjoy sexual pleasure, and don’t “need a man’s permission” for that or for the design and manufacture of washing machines!

Sam, Sass, and Pete go to Alberta’s room to try to comfort her. Sass asks, if not being a rat was so important, why did she rat on Clara. Alberta tells the group that because she was overweight she kept getting overlooked by nightclub owners. The group console her and assure her that her confession make them, and probably would make her fans, love her even more.

Sam and Todd record the podcast as the ghosts watch. Sam suggests that perhaps Alberta’s “motivations were more complicated than they seem” and Todd says “she was a crusader against unfair body standards.” Todd shows Sam Clara’s picture and Isaac mentions that he saw her the night Alberta was murdered, meaning, they’ve got their first suspect!

Hetty watches in horror as Jay accepts the exchange of a new, quiet washer for the old one. Flower whisks Hetty away for a walk, telling her “there are so many other things” she can do instead of sitting on the washer.

Episode Quotes

  • “A podcast is like a… like a TV show but without the pictures.” – Sam
  • “Baby, that’s called radio. What you’re describing is radio.” – Alberta
  • “Sam, you should do a podcast about Alberta’s murder.” – Pete
  • “A murder pod where you have access to the actual victim? I love it. Yes! Plus, it could be drum up publicity for the B and B.” – Jay
  • “Excuse me. But how many times must I bring up the washing machine? It continues to make a racket that has ruined my slumber.” – Hetty
  • “Jay lying. He play video games all morning. The one with the red little Italy man and his green little Italy brother.” – Thorfinn
  • “Thor! Don’t be a rat. In the world I come from, there was nothing worse. Yeah, we did some shady stuff, but we had a code. A code you did not break.” – Alberta
  • “It’s what inspired my hit song “Don’t Be a Rat.” ♪ Hey, they’ll flip on you just like that ♪ ♪ There’s nothin’ worse than a low-down rat… ♪” – Alberta
  • “Yeah, but how do I put this? He’s… a little off. He’s got, like, a-a giant tattoo of Alberta’s face on his back. The guy’s kind of a stalker.” – Sam
  • “This vile contraption will not let me nap. How is this progress? In my day, the washer never made a peep. In fact, I’m not sure I ever heard Helen say anything at all.” – Hetty
  • “You know, there is an upside to a broken washing machine. Sit on it.” – Flower
  • “Fine, I will indulge you if for no other reason than to end this conversation. Oh, my.” – Hetty
  • “I’ll leave you two alone.” – Flower
  • “I can’t believe this. Creepy Todd back in my life.” – Alberta
  • “Hetty, are you ill? Can we, can we get ill?” – Isaac”
  • “Well, if you’re referring to my relaxed demeanor, it may have something to do with a magical encounter I had recently with the washing machine.” – Hetty
  • “Sam, you have to get that back. There’s something in there that can’t get out.” – Alberta
  • “Should we be feeling a slight moral quandary about delving into Alberta’s personal writings? I mean, diaries are supposed to be… private. ( sputters ) On the other hand… Yes? Todd is going to find out whatever secret it is she doesn’t want us to know. At which point Alberta will no doubt need our support. So in a way it’ll be better that we’re up to speed. So we should keep snooping. For Alberta.” – Isaac, Sasappis, Trevor
  • “What I never told y’all was the real reason Clara was a no-show that night. It was ’cause she got arrested and spent a night in jail. And the reason she was arrested was because… I ratted her out.” – Alberta
  • “Wait, if ratting out Clara was so against everything you believed in, then why’d you do it?” – Sasappis
  • “For two years, I watched onstage as someone less deserving lived my dream right in front of me.” – Alberta
  • “Look at Clara. She kind of does looks mean, doesn’t she?” – Todd
  • “She was here the night Alberta performed at the mansion.” – Sasappis
  • “We have our very first suspect.” – Alberta
  • “Oh, great gasp, everyone. Bravo.” -Isaac
  • “You know, you don’t need a washing machine to achieve the feeling.” -Flower