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• “My father needed to close a land deal, and I was deemed his most comely daughter. Damn Margaret and her mustache. She dodged a bullet.” – Hetty
• “So, we just have a bank vault under our house?” – Sam
• “Unless, of course, this is a Geraldo situation.” – Trevor
• “Don’t get me started on Al Capone. That man was clingy.” – Alberta
• “I’ll do it. A Pinecone Trooper’s always up for an adventure.” – Pete
• “Uh, try 1101. The maid’s birthday.” – Hetty
• “Elias. How are you not rotting in hell?” – Hetty
• “Okay. I’ll just stay in here with the corpse and all the ghosts. I was kidding. Sam, please slow down! Sam!” – Jay
• “I still can’t believe I didn’t ascend into heaven. I paid the church. There was a contract!” – Elias
• “No, she’s no longer here, you syphilitic reprobate.” – Hetty
• “They have a respectful marriage, and you were a terrible husband, Elias. And my least favorite cousin.” – Hetty
• “Hello, all. Get your spatter dashes off my table. I had it upholstered with the hide of a white rhinoceros I shot in Kenya.” – Elias
• “Your ghost power is that when people… or animals, apparently… walk through you, they get horny.” – Sam
• “There’s an entire factory dedicated to cheesecake?” – Isaac
• “Here’s what you do. You go to New York. You look up this guy I know. He’s gonna double your money. His name, Bernie Madoff.” – Trevor
• “Is that my power, we think? Banishing people to Hades? Well, we should try it out. Trevor, go to hell.” – Hetty
• “Why?! Why?! Why would you pick me?! What is wrong with you?!” – Trevor
• “I’m feeling in a good mood, so you may all remain on this earthly plane tonight.” – Hetty