Sam and Jay are a young couple in New York City. After an elderly relative of Sam’s dies, Sam learns she is the woman’s only living relative and has inherited a decaying mansion in Upstate New York. While her husband wants to sell, Sam suggests quitting their jobs and turning Woodstone Manor into a B&B. Jay is not sure of this idea, but agrees to visit the property.

Unknown to the couple, the manor is far from vacant. A group of ghosts–individuals who died on the property throughout history–are stuck in the manor. The oldest ghost is a Viking named Thorfinn who over the centuries is joined by a young Native American named Sassappis, a Revolutionary War soldier named Isaac, and a Victorian society woman named Hetty (who is also Sam’s ancestress and the original owner of the home.) In the 20th Century, these ghosts were joined by 20s jazz diva Alberta, a sometimes-headless greaser named Crash, perpetually high hippie chick Flower, a wholesome 80s Scout leader named Pete who has an arrow sticking prominently through his neck, and bad boy Wall Street investor Trevor…who for some reason is not wearing pants.

The ghosts have formed a somewhat comfortable routine, which is now threatened by the death of the Manor’s elderly owner. Sharing space with the “Livings” is uncomfortable for ghosts–being walked through, for instance, is painful and upsetting. When the young couple arrives, the ghosts are concerned but are willing to give them a chance.

That chance evaporates when Sam mentions opening the hotel. This causes a panic–none of the ghosts want living people sleeping in their beds, wandering the grounds, littering, being noisy. It’s every ghost’s nightmare.

The ghosts hatch a plan to run the couple out of the manor by haunting them. Several of the ghosts have “ghost powers” – abilities that can be used to interact with the livings. Thorfinn can affect electricity, as he was killed by lightning. Alberta’s singing is heard by the Livings as an eerie moan. Isaac produces a terrible smell when walked through (he died of dysentery), and Trevor can move physical objects (with great effort.)

The plan is hatched to combine their powers to conduct an old-fashioned haunting. Unfortunately, none of their tricks work. The lights are attributed to faulty wiring, Alberta’s moaning is drowned out when Sam blasts pop music from the bedroom, and worst of all, Trevor fails to knock a vase off a table while the Livings are in the room.

The frustration has built up with Sam and Jay as well, who are in way over their head and nervous. The water heater is broken (in a basement filled with cholera victims from the 19th century). As Jay attempts to fix the water heater, it becomes more apparent that he is not the DIY type.

Jay still wants to sell, but Sam is tired of the city and wants to have something of their own. The fight leads to Sam walking out in anger. Meanwhile, Trevor (who has been stubbornly trying to move the vase through the whole argument) finally succeeds. It falls off the table and rolls to the landing at the top of the stairs as Trevor and Pete cheer his success..

Unfortunately, Sam does not see the vase when she storms out of the room. Pete and Trevor try in vain to warn her, but she trips and falls down a flight of stairs, knocking herself out. As Jay (and the nervous ghosts) hover over Sam, she awakens groggy and confused. She looks up and sees Jay and, in the background, the ghosts. She passes out.

Later, the ghosts watch from an upstairs window as Sam is brought on a stretcher to an ambulance. This prompts them to discuss their own deaths, and hard it was on the Livings. They are upset that Sam was injured during a fight. Pete talks about having a fight with his wife on the day he died.

At the hospital, we see Sam being wheeled into the ER, undergoing tests, and finally, Jay sitting by her bedside as she lay unconscious. It is only later we discover Sam has made a full recovery after two weeks in a coma.

The ghosts have gone back to their own routine, which includes a series of “clubs” to fight the boredom of the afterlife. Alberta is singing (for the 487th time) a sultry jazz tune when Thorfinn notices Jay and Sam’s car (“landship”) in the driveway. The ghosts are excited and relieved Sam is okay.

Down in the car, Sam is confused that Jay has brought her to the manor. He tells her he has hired a contractor to get an estimate on the renovations and it is far more than he expected. Sam says it’s okay, that she had time to think about it, and has decided to give up her dream of the B&B. Jay on the other hand decided to go for it. While she was in a coma, he cashed out their IRA, maxed out their credit cards, and put them deeply in debt in order to pursue their dreams.

The ghosts watch as the couple exit the car and a truck drives up behind them. Their joy at Sam’s recovery turns to horror as they realize it’s a construction crew.

Downstairs, Sam and Jay are surrounded by construction workers. As Sam wanders around, she turns and sees Trevor in his suit standing behind a table. She smiles and tells him he’s overdressed for construction work. Trevor runs upstairs to tell his fellow ghosts that Sam talked to him.

Upstairs, Jay is showing Sam the bedroom he has painted Canary Yellow for her. As he speaks, though, Sam sees Hetty walk through the wall behind him followed by all the other ghosts. She’s freaked out, especially when she realizes Jay cannot see them. She asks the ghosts who they are, and Isaac explains they’re ghosts. But before he can calm her, the headless body of Crash the Greaser walks through the wall. The episode ends with Sam screaming in terror.

• “We are ghosts. While most spirits pass on to the afterlife. We are the unfortunate few cursed to spend eternity… Oh, and she’s gone.” -Isaac
• “ This house was my pride and joy. Now it could get sold to God knows who. Murderers. Perverts. Irishmen.” -Hetty
• “I just hope someone interesting moves in, ya know? Like a ballplayer, or an astronaut. Whose life are you guys hoping to watch next?” -Pete
• “Uh, yeah, we’re not moving into a 300-year-old house in the middle of nowhere, because that would be- Right, sam? -Jay
• “We work insane hours to live in a shoebox that we can barely afford, and somebody’s offering us a mansion.” -Sam
• “You’re a chef. That’s like, half of the Bs right there.” -Sam
• “There’s gotta be something wrong with it.” -Jay
• “Uh, what is a movie again?” -Isaac
• “Oh! Oh! It’s one of those- how you say- it’s a ship on land. Landship! Landship!” -Thorfinn
• “It’s not a landship, you nincompoop. That’s a horseless carriage.” -Hetty
• “Well, I should hope not, with her exposed knees and that saucy hairdo.” -Hetty
• “Reminds me of torched village.” -Thorfinn
• “Okay, people, people. There is enough spirit repellent for all of us.” -Pete
• “I’ll tell you what a hotel is. A hotel is our worst nightmare.” -Isaac
• “Okay, new plan: kill them!” -Thorfinn
• “Can’t pick up a gun, can’t put their feet in cement and drop them off a country bridge.” -Alberta
• “The line between the living and ourselves is one we should respect.” -Sasappis
• “Troops, I believe we are ready. Tonight, get your sleep, for tomorrow we strike!” -Isaac
• “Good luck, everybody. And have fun!” -Pete
• “You got a cute butt, but it’s got a foul mouth.” -Jay
• “This is between T-money and the vase. It’s personal.” -Trevor
• “Well, I don’t know what any of those words mean, but I know that he won’t be laying with her for several moons!” -Thorfinn
• “I remember when I died, Ira looked so scared. Because he didn’t want to lose me. And also because he was trying to get away from the bear.” -Flower
• “Uh, the point is… life is precious.” -pete
• “What is donut hole?” -Thorfinn
• “The Knicks blew a ten-point lead to the Nuggets. Damn it.” -Jay
• “Well, I hope you were at least this upset when I was technically dead for three minutes.” -Sam
• “Well, then, call me crazy, ‘cause we’re doing it.” -Jay
• “News flash: we’re deeply in debt. If this bed and breakfast fails, we’re really screwed.” -Jay
• “She talked to me! She talked to me! She talked to me. And I think she kinda hit on me, I’m not entirely sure, but there was definitely a spark. But she talked to me!” -Trevor
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